Pregnancy For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1119977312
Total Pages : 450 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (199 download)

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Book Synopsis Pregnancy For Dummies by : Sarah Jarvis

Download or read book Pregnancy For Dummies written by Sarah Jarvis and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2011-09-23 with total page 450 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Everything expectant mums need to know, trimester by trimester Both new and seasoned parents alike have questions and concerns over the course of the nine-month adventure. Pregnancy For Dummies offers comfort and reassurance while serving as a guide to what mother and baby experience before, during, and just after birth. Here, you’ll find expert advice on diets and exercise when you’re pregnant; guidance on following your baby’s development, trimester by trimester; tips on how to prepare for the big day; techniques for taking care of yourself before and after delivery; and support for caring for a newborn baby. Pregnancy For Dummies gives parents-to-be authoritative, friendly, up-to-date advice on every aspect of pregnancy and childbirth. This new edition offers all of the latest information expecting parents want to know, including medical and nutritional information and updated resources/changes in NHS practice, so that new mums will feel prepared and reassured ahead of the birth. A guide to what mother and baby experience before, during, and just after birth Helpful information on preparing for pregnancy Advice on diet and exercise during pregnancy Information on your rights and welfare benefits Guidance on how to care for a newborn baby If you’re an expectant mum looking for practical, down-to-earth guidance on what to expect before, during, and after pregnancy, Pregnancy For Dummies will keep you prepared and reassured every step along the way.

Pregnancy For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1118825594
Total Pages : 480 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (188 download)

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Book Synopsis Pregnancy For Dummies by : Joanne Stone

Download or read book Pregnancy For Dummies written by Joanne Stone and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2014-07-08 with total page 480 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The reassuring guide to a happy, healthy pregnancy This new edition offers soon-to-be moms and dads detailed, friendly information on preparing and planning for pregnancy. You'll find guidance on the basics, as well as special considerations like age, multiple births, complications, illness, labor and delivery, postpartum care, and everything in between. Now in a portable, handy trim size that makes it easy to keep with you on the go, Pregnancy For Dummies, 4th Edition is your go-to guide on everything you'll encounter during the first, second, and third trimesters—and beyond. Packed with new information and the latest developments in medical technology, it puts your mind at ease by offering straightforward answers to all the questions you may have about pregnancy, including health risks during pregnancy, fertility problems and solutions, "on demand" cesarean sections, weight gain during pregnancy, the correlation between mercury and autism, ways to stay emotionally and physically healthy during pregnancy, and much more. Includes a complete guide to pregnancy, through all three trimesters and beyond, including a week-by-week account of what to expect during pregnancy Covers the latest information related to healthcare and pregnancy, including the latest on vaccinations, fertility problems, and prenatal diagnoses Offers advice on picking a doctor, planning prenatal visits, and designing a birthing plan Explains the stages of labor and how to care for yourself and your newborn after childbirth If you're an expectant parent, Pregnancy For Dummies, 4th Edition covers everything mom and baby experience before, during, and after childbirth.

Fit Pregnancy For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1118069889
Total Pages : 375 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (18 download)

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Book Synopsis Fit Pregnancy For Dummies by : Catherine Cram

Download or read book Fit Pregnancy For Dummies written by Catherine Cram and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2011-05-04 with total page 375 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Are you intrigued by the idea of working out during pregnancy, but think it can’t be safe? Are you unsure how the words fit and pregnancy actually make sense in the same sentence? If so, you’ve come to the right place. This easy-to-follow guide shows you how you can be fit and pregnant, whether you’re new to exercise or have been working out for years, and whether you’re in your second week of pregnancy or your 32nd. Fit Pregnancy For Dummies is for you if you’re pregnant, if you’re thinking about becoming pregnant, and You want to be as fit and healthy as you can be — whatever your current fitness level — without in any way jeopardizing your health or the health of your baby. This guide gives you the straight facts on: Staying safe when you exercise Developing a plan with your health provider Choosing the right equipment Modifying your routine for each trimester Eating well for nine months and beyond From yoga and swimming to weight training, aerobics, and much more, you’ll see how to get started with a fun, step-by-step fitness routine that will make your entire pregnancy easier to manage. Postpartum expert and prenatal fitness class instructor Catherine Cram and fitness expert Tere Stouffer Drenth give you the scoop on the activities that work best for pregnant women and how to set up a routine that works best for you. You’ll understand how a fit pregnancy helps you with delivery and postpartum shape-up. Plus, you get expert advice on activities to avoid, eating well, and staying motivated during and after your pregnancy, as well as: Dressing comfortably for your workout Warming up and stretching to increase flexibility and avoid injury Modifying your exercise routine Staying fit after giving birth Finding the time for exercise and motherhood Complete with special tips on exercising indoors, staying motivated, getting your family hooked on fitness, and helping your child grow up healthy and fit, Fit Pregnancy For Dummies is the key to exercising safely and staying fit throughout your pregnancy and beyond!

Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley and Sons
ISBN 13 : 1119977258
Total Pages : 305 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (199 download)

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Book Synopsis Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies by : Roger Henderson

Download or read book Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies written by Roger Henderson and published by John Wiley and Sons. This book was released on 2011-09-20 with total page 305 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Practical, hands-on information for fathers-to-be Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies is packed with practical, straightforward information for fathers-to-be, covering all of the logistical, physical, and emotional aspects of pregnancy from a dad’s unique point of view. When it comes to pregnancy, dads’ roles have changed so much in the past few decades that expectant fathers don’t always know where to turn to for guidance and advice on this milestone event. Now they do! Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies covers: What to expect at doctor’s visits Tips for being a supportive partner during pregnancy and preparing for fatherhood Advice on birth plans, labour and delivery, and the first days and weeks of a baby’s life Packed with helpful information on the typical struggles and feelings expectant fathers face, Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies gives first-time fathers and veteran dads alike a wealth of useful information.

Getting Pregnant For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1119601150
Total Pages : 464 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (196 download)

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Book Synopsis Getting Pregnant For Dummies by : Lisa A. Rinehart

Download or read book Getting Pregnant For Dummies written by Lisa A. Rinehart and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2020-03-04 with total page 464 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The hands-on guide that addresses the common barriers to achieving pregnancy and offers tips to maximize your potential for fertility For millions of people, starting a family is a lifelong dream. However, many face challenges in welcoming children into the world. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately 12% of women in the US from ages 15 to 44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant. A variety of factors exist that can contribute to infertility, such as ovulation disorders, uterine abnormalities, congenital defects, and a host of environmental and lifestyle considerations. But infertility is not just a female problem. For approximately 35% of couples with infertility, a male factor is identified along with a female factor, while in 8% of couples, a male factor is the only identifiable cause. Fortunately, there are many treatment options that offer hope. Getting Pregnant For Dummies discusses the difficulties related to infertility and offers up-to-date advice on the current methods and treatments to assist in conception. This easy-to-read guide will help you understand why infertility occurs, its contributing risk factors, and the steps to take to increase the chances of giving birth. From in vitro fertilization (IVF) to third party reproduction (donor sperm or eggs and gestational surrogacy) to lifestyle changes to understanding genetic information to insurance, legal and medication considerations, this bookcovers all the information you need to navigate your way to the best possible results. Packed with the latest information and new developments in medical technology, this book: Helps readers find real-life solutions to getting pregnant Covers the latest information on treatments for infertility for both women and men Offers advice on choosing the option best suited for an individual’s unique situation Explains the different types and possible causes of infertility issues Provides insight to genetic testing information Provides suggestions for lifestyle changes that help prepare for conception Getting Pregnant For Dummies is an indispensable guide for every woman trying to conceive and for men experiencing infertility issues.

Pregnancy Cooking and Nutrition For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1118083601
Total Pages : 386 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (18 download)

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Book Synopsis Pregnancy Cooking and Nutrition For Dummies by : Tara Gidus

Download or read book Pregnancy Cooking and Nutrition For Dummies written by Tara Gidus and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2011-11-08 with total page 386 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 100 recipes to keep moms-to-be on the road to proper prenatal nutrition. Get the lowdown on what to eat, what not to eat, and why. Also discusses diets for special cases, like vegetarians and those with food allergies. Address your unique nutritional needs-- as well as those of your unborn child!

Pregnancy For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 0730377415
Total Pages : 547 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (33 download)

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Book Synopsis Pregnancy For Dummies by : Jane Palmer

Download or read book Pregnancy For Dummies written by Jane Palmer and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2012-01-10 with total page 547 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Your complete guide to having a healthy, happy pregnancy This updated and expanded third edition of Pregnancy ForDummies offers mothers-to-be practical advice and expert guidance on every stage of their pregnancy — and beyond! Understand what's happening with your baby and your body, and be guided through what to expect from labour, birth and becoming a new parent. Follow your baby's development — understand the changes you and your baby go through during all three trimesters Research your birth options — make informed choices that best suit your needs Care for your baby before birth — eat well and keep active during pregnancy Prepare for the birth of your baby — know what happens before, during and after labour Look after your newborn — find advice on breastfeeding and bringing your baby home Keep up with current issues —identify issues facing mothers today, such as returning to work or having children later in life Get expert advice on special situations — meet the challenges of multiple births, problems during pregnancy or miscarriage Open the book and find: Ways to increase your chances of getting pregnant Clear illustrations of how the body changes during pregnancy Advice for managing pre-existing conditions during pregnancy Discussion about complementary and alternative therapies Simple explanations of your birth options Information about parental leave entitlements Websites to access further support

Birth Plans For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1118432134
Total Pages : 412 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (184 download)

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Book Synopsis Birth Plans For Dummies by : Rachel Gurevich

Download or read book Birth Plans For Dummies written by Rachel Gurevich and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2012-10-09 with total page 412 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The easy, trusted way to develop a birth plan As an expectant mother and parent, navigating all of the information and options for labor and delivery can be cumbersome and confusing. Birth Plans For Dummies, is the ultimate resource guide to help you understand, develop, and implement a plan for the birth of your baby. A birth plan is a communication tool for expectant mothers and those involved in the delivery of a child. The plan explains the mother's preferences for labor and delivery and eliminates any confusion. There are a wide variety of methods, strategies, and techniques available to pregnant women preparing for delivery—and this hands-on, friendly guide covers them all. Covers choosing the setting and method that best fits the mothers needs and wishes Informs expectant parents about the numerous pain management and labor intervention options Provides instruction on developing and writing a birth plan and putting it into action If you are an expectant mother or parent looking for a guide to help develop a plan for the birth of your child, then Birth Plans For Dummies is the perfect book for you.

Exercising Through Your Pregnancy

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Author :
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 1936374331
Total Pages : 275 pages
Book Rating : 4.9/5 (363 download)

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Book Synopsis Exercising Through Your Pregnancy by : James F. Clapp

Download or read book Exercising Through Your Pregnancy written by James F. Clapp and published by . This book was released on 2012 with total page 275 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Presents various benefits of exercising during all the stages of pregnancy, and gives exercise recommendations for pregnant women."--Résumé de l'éd.

The Complete Organic Pregnancy

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Author :
Publisher : Harper Collins
ISBN 13 : 0061844578
Total Pages : 305 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (618 download)

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Book Synopsis The Complete Organic Pregnancy by : Deirdre Dolan

Download or read book The Complete Organic Pregnancy written by Deirdre Dolan and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2009-10-13 with total page 305 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: While being pregnant is thrilling, the responsibility of a growing baby can provoke anxiety about what is and isn't safe. In The Complete Organic Pregnancy, Deirdre Dolan and Alexandra Zissu address how you can minimize your exposure to the invisible toxins that surround us—in everything from food, cleaning products, and cosmetics to furniture, rugs, air, and water. Step by step, they tell you where dangerous chemicals are lurking, why it's so important to avoid them when pregnant, and what you can do before, during, and after your pregnancy to protect your child. In this exhaustively researched book, the authors (calmly) talk parents-to-be through everything from the safest laundry detergent to which crib mattresses contain toxic flame retardants. You'll find out how to choose the right face cream, plastic water bottles, household cleaners, types of fish, and much more—all with an eye toward keeping you and your baby safe and healthy. The Complete Organic Pregnancy also features a collection of personal diaries from well-known writers and organophiles, including Barbara Kingsolver and Marion Nestle, as well as recipes from organic chefs. Required reading for anyone heading into this exciting stage of life, The Complete Organic Pregnancy is your chance to make a difference for your children, even before they're born.

Pregnant on Prozac

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Author :
Publisher : Rowman & Littlefield
ISBN 13 : 076275365X
Total Pages : 272 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (627 download)

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Book Synopsis Pregnant on Prozac by : Shoshana Bennett

Download or read book Pregnant on Prozac written by Shoshana Bennett and published by Rowman & Littlefield. This book was released on 2009-01-13 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Antidepressants today top the list of drugs prescribed to women. But what happens when you add pregnancy into the mix? Pregnant on Prozac is the first guide to separate the myths from the facts. Taking a pull-no-punches, prescriptive approach, it clearly spells out not only the possible risks of antidepressant use—whether it be Prozac, Wellbutrin, or any of the host of other drugs—by hopeful mothers but also the lesser-known yet serious risks to both fetus and mother from untreated depression. Shoshana Bennett answers such questions as: Does the media exaggerate the risk? What of options such as tapering the dose? What alternatives are worth pursuing? Most importantly, she empowers each woman with the knowledge to make the best decision for her. Pregnant on Prozac is a must-have for any prospective mother who has experienced depression or anxiety as well as anyone with a friend or loved one in this situation.

Pregnancy For Dummies

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Author :
Publisher : John Wiley & Sons
ISBN 13 : 1119997062
Total Pages : 366 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (199 download)

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Book Synopsis Pregnancy For Dummies by : Sarah Jarvis

Download or read book Pregnancy For Dummies written by Sarah Jarvis and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2011-03-01 with total page 366 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Pregnancy For DummiesDr Sarah Jarvis takes the reader through pregnancy,trimester bytrimester,following the baby’s growth and describing medical issues that might ensue. This UK edition includes information on: Getting the best care from the NHS for you and your baby Welfare benefits for mothers and mums to be. The newborn baby Taking care of yourself after delivery Choosing breast- or bottle-feeding Special considerations,such as age, multiple births, complications, illness New ultrasound techniques,such as 4D Working while pregnant and deciding when to return Considering “alternative birth”procedures Selecting and using an infant car seat Preparing home,family and siblings for new baby Caring for a premature child

Fearless Pregnancy

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Author :
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9781610594981
Total Pages : 262 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (949 download)

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Book Synopsis Fearless Pregnancy by :

Download or read book Fearless Pregnancy written by and published by . This book was released on with total page 262 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Like other best-selling pregnancy books, this The Fearless Pregnancy shares first-person information from a new mom, but what sets it apart from the other books is that it also includes helpful advice from both a doctor and a midwife. Chapters include: 1. The Fear Factor -- the pregnancy\fear connection (how fear has been introduced into pregnancy over the past 30 years or so), what is fear, how does it serve and disserve us, how does it influence our thinking and feeling, how fear changes our biochemistry and how this relates to pregnancy. 2. Fearless First Trimester -- fears around early miscarriage, when itÆs "safe" to tell people, pregnancy sickness, dealing with other peopleÆs fearful reactions, conquering fears that come up when youÆre just accepting the news, etc. 3. Fearless Testing -- how to navigate the various and many tests (blood tests, amnio, genetic testing, etc.) and understand the risk, benefits and how to put them in perspective. 4. Fearless Diet, Fitness and Weight Gain -- the truth about food -- how risky are certain "taboo" foods, how concerned do you need to be about your nutrition, how safe/unsafe is moderate alcohol. ItÆll also discuss common sense exercise precautions and how to handle fear of weight gain. 5. Fearless Living -- How to go about your expectant mom life with the least amount of pregnancy-related stress and fear. Other topics include: Sickness and Health-- what to do when thereÆs something wrong with you (cold, flu, skin problems, urinary tract infections or more serious stuff like strep or a broken bone) Sex Travel Beauty treatments Sleeping 6. Fearless Environment -- from environmental health concerns like plastic containers and cleaning solutions to noise and stress problems, this section will discuss whatÆs risky and whatÆs not and how to control your environment when possible. 7. Fearless Delivery Prep -- from birthing classes to the fear of the actual birth (entire books have been written on this) to how to take advice from other moms. 8. Fearless Gear Guide -- how to grapple with the stuff you really need to be safe and comfortable with a newborn, such as bassinets, disposable diapers, nursing pumps, etc. 9. Fear-fighting Exercisesùmeditation, writing and discussion exercises specifically targeted to addressing and putting into perspective a variety of pregnancy fears.

The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy

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Author :
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1416551875
Total Pages : 296 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (165 download)

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Book Synopsis The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy by : Vicki Iovine

Download or read book The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy written by Vicki Iovine and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2007-01-09 with total page 296 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The practical, comforting, honest, and hilarious bestseller for moms-to-be, with more than one and a half million copies in print! Your doctor gives you medical advice. Your mother buys you baby clothes. But who can give you the real skinny when you’re pregnant? Your girlfriends, of course—at least, the ones who’ve been through the exhilaration and exhaustion, the agony and ecstasy of pregnancy. Four-time delivery room veteran Vicki Iovine talks to you the way only a best friend can—in the book that will go the whole nine months for every mother-to-be. In this revised and updated edition, get the lowdown on all those little things that are too strange or embarrassing to ask, practical tips, and hilarious takes on everything pregnant. What really happens to your body—from morning sickness and gas to eating everything in sight—and what it’s like to go from being a babe to having one. The Many Moods of Pregnancy—why you’re so irritable/distracted/tired/lightheaded (or at least more than usual). Staying Stylish—You may be pregnant, but you can still be the fashionista you’ve always been (or at least you don’t have to look like a walking beachball)—wearing the hippest designers and proudly showing off your bump. Pregnancy is Down To a Science—from in vitro fertilization to scheduled c-sections, there are so many options, alternatives, and scientific tests to take that being pregnant can be downright confusing! And much more! For a reassuring voice or just a few good belly laughs, turn to this straight-talking guide on what to really expect when you’re expecting.

The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians

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Author :
Publisher : Cleis Press
ISBN 13 : 1573445258
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (734 download)

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Book Synopsis The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians by : Rachel Pepper

Download or read book The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians written by Rachel Pepper and published by Cleis Press. This book was released on 2008-09-05 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians covers everything you need to make the thrilling and challenging journey to motherhood: from choosing a donor to tracking fertility to signing the right papers on the dotted lines. Rachel Pepper's lively, easy-to-read guide is the first place to go for up-to-date information and sage advice on everything from sex in the sixth month to negotiating family roles. Why a second edition? When the acclaimed first edition appeared, the author's daughter was only a few months old. This new edition takes into account the parenting know-how Pepper has developed over the intervening six years, as well as the evolving legal status of lesbian parents, and the increasing importance of the Internet for information on fertility, sperm banks, and donors. The resource section is greatly expanded, as are the sections on each trimester of pregnancy, on childbirth, and on life with a newborn. And Pepper provides more insight into preconception planning for both single lesbians and couples. An indispensable resource, The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians is now bigger and better.

The Rhetoric of Pregnancy

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Author :
Publisher : University of Chicago Press
ISBN 13 : 022607207X
Total Pages : 198 pages
Book Rating : 4.2/5 (26 download)

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Book Synopsis The Rhetoric of Pregnancy by : Marika Seigel

Download or read book The Rhetoric of Pregnancy written by Marika Seigel and published by University of Chicago Press. This book was released on 2013-12-09 with total page 198 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It is a truth widely acknowledged that if you’re pregnant and can afford one, you’re going to pick up a pregnancy manual. From What to Expect When You’re Expecting to Pregnancy for Dummies, these guides act as portable mentors for women who want advice on how to navigate each stage of pregnancy. Yet few women consider the effect of these manuals—how they propel their readers into a particular system of care or whether the manual they choose reflects or contradicts current medical thinking. Using a sophisticated rhetorical analysis, Marika Seigel works to deconstruct pregnancy manuals while also identifying ways to improve communication about pregnancy and healthcare. She traces the manuals’ evolution from early twentieth-century tomes that instructed readers to unquestioningly turn their pregnancy management over to doctors, to those of the women’s health movement that encouraged readers to engage more critically with their care, to modern online sources that sometimes serve commercial interests as much as the mother’s. The first book-length study of its kind, The Rhetoric of Pregnancy is a must-read for both users and designers of our prenatal systems—doctors and doulas, scholars and activists, and anyone interested in encouraging active, effective engagement.

My Boys Can Swim!

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Author :
Publisher : Crown
ISBN 13 : 0761521674
Total Pages : 115 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (615 download)

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Book Synopsis My Boys Can Swim! by : Ian Davis

Download or read book My Boys Can Swim! written by Ian Davis and published by Crown. This book was released on 1999-09-22 with total page 115 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Finally—A Pregnancy Book That Won't Put Men to Sleep My Boys Can Swim! tells real men everything they really want to know about pregnancy, such as: How much is it going to cost? Why does your wife primp before seeing her doctor when she hasn't put a stitch of make-up on for you in months? And, most important, what's it going to do to your sex life? This rollicking, laugh-out-loud book is for expectant dads in search of bottom-line pregnancy information, without all that boring touchy-feely stuff you find in those books written for women. Inside you'll discover helpful—and hilarious—information and insights on such topics as: The Maternity Wardrobe: "A key part of the maternity wardrobe is maternity underwear—parachute-like undies big enough to fit an NFL defensive lineman." Baby Names: "Don't give your kids mockable names like Thaddeus, which is Greek for 'I'm a dork and should be beaten up.'" The Birth: "No one told me it's normal that babies' heads can be misshapen at birth. I was convinced that my wife gave birth to Veldar, the conehead."