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Dont Lick The Minivan
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Book Synopsis Don't Lick the Minivan by : Leanne Shirtliffe
Download or read book Don't Lick the Minivan written by Leanne Shirtliffe and published by Skyhorse. This book was released on 2015-11-03 with total page 304 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia’s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia. In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as: The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied. The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks. The funeral she officiated for “Stripper Barbie.” The horror of glitter. And much more! Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.
Download or read book You Are a Dog written by Terry Bain and published by Crown. This book was released on 2010-04-14 with total page 160 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious, captivating commentary that gives us--finally--a true dog’s-eye view of the world. • The Sofa: “The sofa is Position One. The sofa makes you feel as if you are with your people even when your people are gone.” • The Toilet: “The advantage of drinking from the toilet is that the water is always fresh.” • The Baby: “Often known as She Who Randomly Flings Food from the Table, the baby has the most flavorful, ever-changing face of all your people.” “After reading You Are a Dog, you will start thinking like a dog.” --Bash Dibra, celebrity pet trainer and author of DogSpeak “You Are a Dog should be the talk of every dog run in the U.S. With humor, and more bite than one might expect, Terry Bain helps us to see the world through the eyes of our dogs, and to look at their lives in fresh and insightful ways.” --Jon Katz, author of A Dog Year, The New Work of Dogs, and The Dogs of Bedlam Farm “Terry Bain has cracked the canine code to demystify those charming, endearing, and occasionally bizarre habits our beloved dogs exhibit. You Are a Dog is equal parts witty and warm, sweet and sympathetic--read this and be destined to meet your dog at a richer, deeper level.”--Dr. Marty Becker, veterinary contributor for Good Morning America, author of The Healing Power of Pets
Book Synopsis Barking At the Moon by : Tracy Beckerman
Download or read book Barking At the Moon written by Tracy Beckerman and published by Greenleaf Book Group. This book was released on 2021-06-29 with total page 220 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How do you housebreak a dog in a hurricane? When Riley comes into her family’s life, award-winning humor columnist Tracy Beckerman realizes she got a lot more than she bargained for. From tracking wet cement through the house to shredding the family’s underwear, Riley is a one-dog wrecking ball. Yet this lovable retriever also brings joy, laughter, and a renewed sense of wonder into the household. At times hilarious and heartwarming, Barking at the Moon speaks to life’s growing pains, and to mothering children both human and furry. With Beckerman’s trademark wit and heart, she reminds us that no matter what stage of life we’re in, we can learn a lot from the dogs who teach us how to stop and enjoy the ride.
Book Synopsis Sloth to the Rescue by : Leanne Shirtliffe
Download or read book Sloth to the Rescue written by Leanne Shirtliffe and published by Running Press Kids. This book was released on 2019-10-15 with total page 32 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sloth and friends teach kids how to combat first-day-of-school shyness in this humorous and heartfelt picture book. At the Rainforest Rescue Center, Sloth loves when Patti comes to visit. But when Patti forgets her class report, it's up to Sloth, with the help of his other (faster) rain-forest friends, to return Patti's notebook to her-at school! Will they be able to find her among all the other kids in a new environment? The first day of school can be scary-especially if you forget your summer assignment-but in Sloth to the Rescue, Sloth, Peccary, Boa, Capuchin, and Ocelot overcome their fears and realize that what makes them unique is what helps them fit right in!
Book Synopsis I Totally Meant to Do That by : Jane Borden
Download or read book I Totally Meant to Do That written by Jane Borden and published by Crown. This book was released on 2011-03-01 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jane Borden is a hybrid too horrifying to exist: a hipster-debutante. She was reared in a propert Southern home in Greensboro, North Carolina, sent to boarding school in Virginia, and then went on to join a sorority in Chapel Hill. She next moved to New York and discovered that none of this grooming meant a lick to anyone. In fact, she hid her upbringing for many years--it was easier than explaining what a debutante "does" (the short answer: not much). Anyone who has moved away from home or lived in (or dreamed of living in) New York will appreciate the hilarity of Jane's musings on the intersections of and altercations between Southern hospitality and Gotham cool.
Book Synopsis Someone Could Get Hurt by : Drew Magary
Download or read book Someone Could Get Hurt written by Drew Magary and published by Avery. This book was released on 2014-05-06 with total page 258 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A sharp, funny, and heartfelt memoir from the author of The Night the Lights Went Out, The Hike, and The Postmortal about fatherhood and the ups and downs of raising a family in modern America No one writes about family quite like Drew Magary. In Someone Could Get Hurt, he reflects on his own parenting experiences to explore the anxiety, rationalizations, compromises, and overpowering love that come with raising children. In brutally honest and funny stories, Magary reveals how American mothers and fathers cope with being in over their heads—from getting drunk while trick-or-treating and telling dirty jokes to make bath time go smoothly to committing petty vandalism to bond with a five-year-old. Someone Could Get Hurt offers a hilarious and heartfelt look at child rearing with a glimpse into the genuine love and compassion that accompany the missteps and flawed logic. It’s the story of head lice, almost-dirty words, flat head syndrome, and a man trying to commit the ultimate act of selflessness in a selfish world.
Book Synopsis Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons by : Alicia Ybarbo
Download or read book Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons written by Alicia Ybarbo and published by Abrams. This book was released on 2016-04-05 with total page 176 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The authors of the New York Times–bestselling Sh*tty Mom are back with a hilarious guide presenting common parenting scenarios with advice for getting through the year the sh*tty mom way. Told in the same tongue-in-cheek voice as the original, this sequel is full of funny parenting tips and relatable stories for contemporary moms. Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons explores the occasions throughout the year that test every mother’s patience and inspire self-deprecating humor and that second glass of wine. With chapters organized by season, the book will teach you how to navigate the bumpy roads of motherhood, learn to laugh at the occasional parenting fail, and maybe even appreciate your own mother. Or not. Sample chapters for the sh*tty mom year include: Fall: “Yes, We All Have to Be Here: The Annual PTO Funsraiser” Winter: “Mom’s Real New Year’s Resolutions” Spring: “I’m Running Off with the Gardner: April Fools!” Summer: “Summer Reading Lists & Other Great Reasons Why You Don’t Home School” The Emmy Award–winning TODAY show producers and self-proclaimed sh*tty moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, together with humorist Erin Clune, bring you the perfect book for mothers who don’t take themselves too seriously.
Download or read book Kill Me Again written by Maggie Shayne and published by Oliver-Heber books. This book was released on 2022-08-04 with total page 331 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The Joyride Two teenage boys in a borrowed car find a dead man along the roadside… who turns out to be not so dead. The Body The man has been shot in the back of the head, but the steel plate in his skull saved his life. He has no ID and no memory. But in his pocket is Professor Olivia Dupree’s card, with her home address and private number hand written on the back. The Mysterious Stranger Olivia has secrets that could get her killed. It makes her nervous that the reclusive author she invited to be the guest speaker at a private fund raiser, was apparently the target of a professional hit. But that has to be who he is. Aaron Westhaven, the author she’s read so much, he feels like a friend. The card she’s shown is the one she sent him, the handwriting on the back, her own. He was due to arrive the same day the stranger was found. The Assassin An attempt on Olivia’s life proves there is some connection between the dangerous past she’s been hiding from for 16 years, and the people who want Aaron dead. The author himself is sexy as hell, and way tougher than she expected. He knows way more than a hermitic writer should about combat, weapons, and evading authorities. Is it him? She begins to suspect Aaron isn’t Aaron at all, but a killer sent after her by an old enemy from her past. It’s a shame that by then, she’s already fallen for him. “Maggie Shayne’s books have a permanent spot on my keeper shelf. She writes wonderful stories with page-turning thrills. I highly recommend her to any fan of romantic suspense.” #1 New York Times bestselling author KAREN ROBARDS
Book Synopsis Not After Everything by : Michelle Levy
Download or read book Not After Everything written by Michelle Levy and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2015-08-04 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Fans of Eleanor and Park, The Spectacular Now, Willow, and Perfectly Good White Boy won't be able to put down this gritty but hopeful love story about two struggling teens. Tyler has a football scholarship to Stanford, a hot girlfriend, and a reliable army of friends to party with. Then his mom kills herself. And Tyler lets it all go. Now he needs to dodge what his dad is offering (verbal tirades and abuse) and earn what his dad isn’t (money): He needs a job. It’s there that he reunites with Jordyn, his childhood best friend, and now the token goth girl at school. Jordyn brings Tyler an unexpected peace and, finally, love. But with his family in shambles, he can’t risk bringing Jordyn too deeply into his life. So when violence rocks Tyler’s world again, will it be Jordyn who shows him the way to a hopeful future? Or after everything, will Tyler have to find it in himself? This tough, realistic page-turner reveals a boy's point of view on loss and love—perfect for fans of Rainbow Rowell, Tim Tharp, Julia Hoban, Carrie Mesrobian, and Mindi Scott.
Download or read book Hack written by Melissa Plaut and published by Villard Books. This book was released on 2007 with total page 255 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In her late 20s, Plaut decided to honor a long-held secret ambition by becoming a New York City taxi driver. With wit and insight, she recreates the crazy parade of humanity that passes through her cab and shows how this grueling work provides her with a greater sense of self.
Book Synopsis High Before Homeroom by : Maya Sloan
Download or read book High Before Homeroom written by Maya Sloan and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2010-06-22 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Losers, now you can get the bad-boy rep the girls find positively irresistible! Unleash your dark side with the Doug Schaffer plan for drug addiction and rehabilitation! (Kids, don't try this at home.) At sixteen years old, Doug Schaffer knows two things for sure: 1. He is doomed to live in the shadow of his older brother, Trevor, a former high school football star who is stationed in Iraq. 2. Free-spirited Laurilee, the hot ear-piercing girl at the mall, only dates bad boys. Cue Doug's foolproof plan to tarnish his own unremarkable reputation. The first step is to develop a drug addiction. His mom's too preoccupied with organizing care packages for Mothers Support Our Troops Northwest Oklahoma City Chapter to stop him. Besides, he just needs to get hooked on meth long enough to come back from rehab a totally different person. Someone people notice. With the help of Trevor’s strung-out former high-school buddy, drug addict Doug has the confidence that loser Doug never mustered. He stays out all night, scores girls, and stands up for himself. Then Trevor unexpectedly returns home with a dark secret of his own, and everything Doug thought was true is shattered. Soon the brothers find a common ground they never knew they shared as they discover the price of pleasing others is the freedom to be yourself.
Book Synopsis Moms Who Drink and Swear by : Nicole Knepper
Download or read book Moms Who Drink and Swear written by Nicole Knepper and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2013-04-02 with total page 337 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. This irreverant, hilarious guide to the trials of motherhood makes the perfect gift for mom—or any woman with a huge heart and a mouth that sometimes needs washing out with soap. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.
Book Synopsis A Dude's Guide to Baby Size by : Taylor Calmus
Download or read book A Dude's Guide to Baby Size written by Taylor Calmus and published by WaterBrook. This book was released on 2022-05-10 with total page 176 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The viral video star behind Dude Dad offers a humorous and heartfelt guide to helping expectant fathers survive and thrive during the wild ride that is forty weeks of pregnancy. Numerous apps and books exist to help expectant parents understand their baby’s development by comparing their unborn child to a raspberry or a stalk of broccoli, but Taylor Calmus takes issue with that. First off, your baby is not some wimpy little vegetable. Your baby is a hardcore little lug nut who is straight-up growing organs on a weekly basis. Second, how big is a stalk of broccoli? And what the heck is a kumquat? Clearly this situation calls for a better approach. Enter . . . A Dude’s Guide to Baby Size. • At week nine, your little shredder resembles the circumference of a guitar pick. • At week twenty-four, your budding jalapeño is the size of some concession-stand nachos. • By week thirty-four, your little lopper is now the size of a sixteen-inch largemouth bass that weighs four to five pounds! This book is full of fun facts about your growing baby, advice on how to help Mom-to-be, as well as ideas and encouragement for you on your journey from Dude to Dude Dad. Buckle up for a wild ride full of maternity metaphors, gnarly playlists for all the special occasions, new parenting tales, dos and don’ts for expecting dads, and even an entire chapter dedicated to beef brisket!
Book Synopsis Stark Raving Dad by : Sanderson Dean
Download or read book Stark Raving Dad written by Sanderson Dean and published by Running Press Adult. This book was released on 2019-05-07 with total page 128 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Finally! The pain of parenting . . . in poetic form! Stark Raving Dad is an illustrated collection of poems (no claims of being Walt Whitman here) that humorously captures fatherly angst in comedic verse and pairs it with "talented" art from the author's own kids. Let's be honest: Most gifts for Dad usually end up being a golf club or a tie. But what about the Dad in desperate need of a laugh? Give him reassurance he's not the only father trying to figure it all out. Over the years Sanderson Dean has turned all his fatherly angst into poetry, accompanied by crudely drawn images by his children. But before your eyes glaze over at the word "poetry," you should know it's more hapless than highbrow. From surviving road trips to being puked on, and from plunging clogged toilets to finding Craisins in the couch cushions, Sanderson covers many of the rarely talked about adventures that make the journey of parenthood so very exciting.
Book Synopsis Motherhood Smotherhood by : JJ Keith
Download or read book Motherhood Smotherhood written by JJ Keith and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2014-10-14 with total page 176 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: What’s the first thing a woman does when she thinks she might be pregnant? She Googles. And it goes downhill from there. While the internet is full of calming and cheerily supportive articles, it’s also littered with hyper-judgmental message boards and heaps of contradictory and scolding information. Babies on Boards takes parents through the trenches of new parenting, warning readers of the pleasures and perils of mommy blogs, new parent groups, self-described “lactivists,” sleep fascists, incessant trend pieces on working versus non-working mothers, and the place where free time and self-esteem goes to die: Pinterest (back away from the hand-made flower headbands for baby!). JJ Keith interweaves discussions of what “it takes a village” really means (hint: a lot of unwanted advice from elderly strangers who may have grown up in actual villages) and a take-down of the rising “make your own baby food” movement (just mush a banana with a fork!) with laugh-out-loud observations about the many mistakes she made as a frantic new mother with too much access to high speed internet and a lot of questions. Keith cuts to the truth—whether it’s about “perfect” births, parenting gurus, the growing tide of vaccine rejecters, the joy of blanketing Facebook with baby pics, or germophobia—to move conversations about parenting away from experts espousing blanket truths to amateurs relishing in what a big, messy pile of delight and trauma having a baby is. It turns out those little buggers are more durable and fun than we think they are!
Book Synopsis Root, Petal, Thorn by : Ella Joy Olsen
Download or read book Root, Petal, Thorn written by Ella Joy Olsen and published by Kensington Books. This book was released on 2016-08-30 with total page 304 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Provocative in the way it explodes and expands the category of historical fiction." --Salt Lake Tribune In this beautifully written and powerful debut novel, Ella Joy Olsen traces the stories of five fascinating women who inhabit the same historic home over the course of a century—braided stories of love, heartbreak and courage connect the women, even across generations. Ivy Baygren has two great loves in her life: her husband, Adam, and the bungalow they buy together in one of the oldest neighborhoods in Salt Lake City, Utah. From the moment she and Adam lay eyes on the home, Ivy is captivated by its quaint details—the old porch swing, ornate tiles, and especially an heirloom rose bush bursting with snowy white blossoms. Called the Emmeline Rose for the home’s original owner, it seems yet another sign that this place will be Ivy’s happily-ever-after...Until her dreams are shattered by Adam’s unexpected death. Striving to be strong for her two children, Ivy decides to tackle the home-improvement projects she and Adam once planned. Day by day, as she attempts to rebuild her house and her resolve, she uncovers clues about previous inhabitants, from a half-embroidered sampler to buried wine bottles. And as Ivy learns about the women who came before her—the young Mormon torn between her heart and anti-polygamist beliefs, the Greek immigrant during World War II, a troubled single mother in the 1960s—she begins to uncover the lessons of her own journey. For every story has its sadness, but there is also the possibility of blooming again, even stronger and more resilient than before...
Book Synopsis The Beckoning Shadow by : Katharyn Blair
Download or read book The Beckoning Shadow written by Katharyn Blair and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2019-07-02 with total page 480 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From debut author Katharyn Blair comes a heart-stopping fantasy novel, perfect for fans of Cassandra Clare and The Young Elites, about a teenage runaway who enters a dangerous tournament with an impossible prize. Vesper Montgomery can summon your worst fear and turn it into a reality—but she’s learned the hard way that it’s an addicting and dangerous power. One wrong move and you could hurt someone you love. But when she earns a spot in the Tournament of the Unraveling, where competitors battle it out for a chance to rewrite the past, Vesper finally has a shot to reverse the mistakes that have changed her forever. She turns to Sam Hardy, a former MMA fighter who’s also carrying a tragedy he desperately wants to undo. However, helping heal Sam’s heart will mean breaking her own, and the competition forces her to master her powers—powers she has been terrified of since they destroyed her life.
