5000 Great One Liners

Download 5000 Great One Liners full books in PDF, epub, and Kindle. Read online 5000 Great One Liners ebook anywhere anytime directly on your device. Fast Download speed and no annoying ads. We cannot guarantee that every ebooks is available!

5,000 Great One Liners

Author : Grant Tucker
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1849544824
Total Pages : 355 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis 5,000 Great One Liners by : Grant Tucker

Download or read book 5,000 Great One Liners written by Grant Tucker and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2012-09-25 with total page 355 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: My mate told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?' Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners

Author :
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1628734205
Total Pages : 312 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (287 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by :

Download or read book 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners written by and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-11-01 with total page 312 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “I’ll never forget the words my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. He said ‘Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.’” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners

Author :
Publisher : Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 1616088540
Total Pages : 313 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (16 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by :

Download or read book 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners written by and published by Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.. This book was released on 2013-11-06 with total page 313 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A treasury of the world's top-selected one-liners and jokes, published for today's generation of social media comics, includes such puns, zingers and witty remarks as "A dyslexic man walks into a bra." By the creator of The Margaret Thatcher Book of Quotations. Original. 10,000 first printing.

5000 Great One Liners

Author : Eleanor McAvenny
Publisher :
ISBN 13 :
Total Pages : pages
Book Rating : 4.:/5 (125 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis 5000 Great One Liners by : Eleanor McAvenny

Download or read book 5000 Great One Liners written by Eleanor McAvenny and published by . This book was released on 2012 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

The Mammoth Book of One-Liners

Author : Geoff Tibballs
Publisher : Robinson
ISBN 13 : 1780335369
Total Pages : 160 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (83 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis The Mammoth Book of One-Liners by : Geoff Tibballs

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of One-Liners written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-06-07 with total page 160 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

More One Liners, Jokes and Gags

Author : Grant Tucker
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 184954672X
Total Pages : 298 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis More One Liners, Jokes and Gags by : Grant Tucker

Download or read book More One Liners, Jokes and Gags written by Grant Tucker and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2013-11-07 with total page 298 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.

5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners

Author :
Publisher : Skyhorse
ISBN 13 : 9781510766990
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (669 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis 5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners by :

Download or read book 5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners written by and published by Skyhorse. This book was released on 2021-10-19 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Thousands of jokes and zingers to expand your repertoire and become a master of comedy! Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

The Big Book of Dad Jokes

Author : Joe Kerz
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1631586653
Total Pages : 389 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (315 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis The Big Book of Dad Jokes by : Joe Kerz

Download or read book The Big Book of Dad Jokes written by Joe Kerz and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2022-04-19 with total page 389 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hundreds and Hundreds of Jokes that Will Drive Your Family Crazy Nothing is more hilarious for moms, sons, and daughters than the bad jokes dads tell. (Well, at least he thinks they're hilarious . . .) Have you ever noticed when you’re out to dinner and your dad takes it upon himself to antagonize your server with a lame joke? Has he ever made a pun that made everyone at a family gathering roll their eyes? Has he ever made a corny comment about things simply lying around the house? If you answered “yes” to any of the following, you’re not alone. Dad jokes are at the center of all dad interactions and the core of every dad’s persona. This comedic compendium compiles more than eight hundred of the best jokes dads can use to hone their craft and ensure maximum eye rolling. Included within are jokes such as: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality. With Dad Jokes, give your dad the gift of becoming the least funny/most "punny" guy in the room.

Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations

Author : Ned Sherrin
Publisher : Oxford University Press, USA
ISBN 13 : 0199237166
Total Pages : 574 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (992 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations by : Ned Sherrin

Download or read book Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations written by Ned Sherrin and published by Oxford University Press, USA. This book was released on 2008-09-25 with total page 574 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This hilarious collection of humorous quotations, full of wisecracks and wit, snappy comments and inspired fantasy, has been specially compiled by the late broadcaster and raconteur Ned Sherrin, with a foreword by leading British satirist, Alistair Beaton. Now packed with even more quotes and covering more subjects than before, from Weddings to the Supernatural, Australia to Headlines. Find the best lines from your favourite jokesters and wordsmiths, add that extra something to a speech or presentation, or just enjoy a good laugh. 'A chair is a piece of furniture. I am not a chair because no one has ever sat on me.' Ann Widdecombe on the announcement that Parliamentary language will now be gender-neutral. 'No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off 'I don't like Mondays' for 30 years.' Russell Brand On deciding to run for governor of California: 'The most difficult decision I've ever made in my entire life, except for the one in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.' Arnold Schwarzenegger 'Wanting to know an author because you like his work is like wanting to know a duck because you like p--acirc--;t--eacute--;.' Margaret Atwood 'I am so sorry. We have to stop there. I have just come to the end of my personality.' Quentin Crisp, closing down an interview

History in Quotations

Author : M. J. Cohen
Publisher : Orion
ISBN 13 : 9780297844860
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (448 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis History in Quotations by : M. J. Cohen

Download or read book History in Quotations written by M. J. Cohen and published by Orion. This book was released on 2008 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An exciting and original work of historical reference. From the Iraq of ancient Babylon to the Iraq war of 2003 - taking in the histories of Europe, the Americas, Africa and Asia in a grand global sweep. It uses the innovative medium of some 9000 chronologically arranged quotations of more than 5000 years of recorded history.

Jokes 101

Author : Alex Gall
Publisher : Balboa Press
ISBN 13 : 1504332539
Total Pages : 294 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (43 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis Jokes 101 by : Alex Gall

Download or read book Jokes 101 written by Alex Gall and published by Balboa Press. This book was released on 2016-02-23 with total page 294 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jokes 101 is a new and different view of the best jokes and interesting observations on 107 separate topics from accountants to zombies. If you are looking for funny, clean jokes on a specific topic, just select the jokes that best suit your purpose. If you are required to say a few words or give a speech, a well-chosen joke or observation will put your audience in a more receptive mood and make your appearance unforgettable and unique. If you’re talking to a group of barbers, try, “I received an expensive comb as a gift. I thanked my girlfriend and said, ‘I’ll never part with it.’” When speaking to a group of doctors, what can you say? Knowing the current zombie craze, try, “When he told the ladies that he was Doctor Jekyll, they all wanted to Hyde.” When speaking about family, try, “Here’s a statement that breaks a mother’s heart: ‘Mommy, I missed the school bus.’” If singing is a topic, try, “My daughter sang a duet with our dog; it was a howling success.” That’s enough punishment for now. Will you be a hit, the proverbial life of the party, based on your singularly entertaining and informative discussions or speeches using the jokes or observations stolen from this, in all modesty, semibombastic, fantastic material in Jokes 101? PS: I don’t know anyone who can do me a bit of good, so no important person has endorsed this book; you’ll just have to think positive.

The Complete Book of Zingers

Author : Croft M. Pentz
Publisher : Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 9780842304672
Total Pages : 386 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (46 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis The Complete Book of Zingers by : Croft M. Pentz

Download or read book The Complete Book of Zingers written by Croft M. Pentz and published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. This book was released on 1990 with total page 386 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: You could call them one-sentence sermons or one-sentence solutions. Use them to spice up your speeches, sermons, church bulletins--anywhere a quick word of wit or wisdom is needed.

3000 Jokes, Quips, and One-liners

Author : Dave Phillips
Publisher : Gramercy
ISBN 13 : 9780517226810
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.2/5 (268 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis 3000 Jokes, Quips, and One-liners by : Dave Phillips

Download or read book 3000 Jokes, Quips, and One-liners written by Dave Phillips and published by Gramercy. This book was released on 2005 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Here are hundreds of one-liners and longer jokes on subjects including animals, families, food and drink, dating, and education. This collection of clean jokes for adults (nothing off-color or offensive) is sure to prompt chuckles, giggles, and full belly laughs. A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, however, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. But there is no language where a double positive can form a negative." A student at the back called out: "Yeah, right."

Stand By Your Manhood

Author : Peter Lloyd
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1849548528
Total Pages : 254 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis Stand By Your Manhood by : Peter Lloyd

Download or read book Stand By Your Manhood written by Peter Lloyd and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2016-07-07 with total page 254 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: DAILY MAIL BOOK OF THE WEEK Men must be the worst oppressors in history - we pay the most taxes, get the least support and play longer matches at Wimbledon for no extra money. We're also more likely to be homeless, circumcised, attacked, jailed, drafted, under-educated, short-changed in parenthood and shafted by divorce. Oh, and to top it all, we die sooner. Despite this, feminists still assert we live in a patriarchy and give us a hard time. Fortunately, Peter Lloyd is here to offer a reality check in this long-overdue lad bible. Part polemic, part toolkit for the modern man, Stand By Your Manhood answers all the burning questions facing the brotherhood today, including: Should we fund the first date? Is penis size a political issue? Are we sexist if we enjoy pornography? Why isn't there a men's minister? Politically incorrect, fearless and laugh-out-loud funny, this is the deliciously provocative book that gives blokes their balls back.

Is That Mic Off?

Author : Phil Mason
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1849544816
Total Pages : 265 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis Is That Mic Off? by : Phil Mason

Download or read book Is That Mic Off? written by Phil Mason and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2012-10-22 with total page 265 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you want to hear something stupid, just listen to the nearest politician. From the authors of Read My Lips and Mission Accomplished!, this completely new collection of politicians' gaffes, slips and brain freezes brings the verbal misstep into the present era of coalition government in Britain, the 2012 presidential election campaign in America and the global phenomenon of Wikileaks. Here is a treasure trove of the finest worst utterings from the men and women whose main skill is meant to be their power of communication. From Bush, Obama and Palin to Brown, Cameron, Clegg and co., the mad, the bad, the stupid and the shameless are all in attendance -watch them shoot from the lip and hit themselves in the foot. If, as they always say, politicians want to be judged by their words, let them be these.

It's Not Easy Bein' Me

Author : Rodney Dangerfield
Publisher : Zondervan
ISBN 13 : 006195764X
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (619 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis It's Not Easy Bein' Me by : Rodney Dangerfield

Download or read book It's Not Easy Bein' Me written by Rodney Dangerfield and published by Zondervan. This book was released on 2009-08-11 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An American comic icon tells the story of his second–act rise from obscurity to multimedia stardom. "When I was a kid," writes Rodney Dangerfield, "I worked tough places in show business––places like Fonzo's Knuckle Room. Or Aldo's, formerly Vito's, formerly Nunzio's. That was a tough joint. I looked at the menu. They had broken leg of lamb." For once, one of America's most beloved comic icons isn't kidding. Dangerfield has seen every aspect of the entertainment industry: the rough–and–tumble nightclubs, the backstage gag–writing sessions, the drugs, the hookers, the lousy day jobs – and the red–carpet star treatment. As he traces his route from a poor childhood on Long Island to his enshrinement as a comedy legend, he takes readers on a roller–coaster ride through a life that has been alternately touching, sordid, funny, raunchy, and uplifting – equal parts "Little Orphan Annie" and "Caligula." And unlike most celebrity autobiographers, he seems to have no qualms about delivering the unfiltered whole story, warts and all. Dangerfield's personal story is also a rollicking show business tale, full of marquee name–droppings (Adam Sandler, Sam Kinison, Jim Carrey, Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld) and good stories about same. Defying the old saws about the fleeting nature of fame and the dearth of second acts in American life, Dangerfield transformed himself from a debt–ridden aluminium–siding salesman named Jack Roy to a multimedia superstar – and stayed an icon for decades. His catchphrase – "I get no respect" – has entered the lexicon, and he remains a visible cultural presence and perennial talk–show guest. Dangerfield's hilarious and inspiring musings should thrill comedy fans and pop–culture watchers, and his second–act comeback will strike a chord with readers of all stripes. Maybe he'll even get some respect.

A Freudian Slip Is When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother

Author : Gary Blake
Publisher : Skyhorse
ISBN 13 : 1620873761
Total Pages : 194 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (28 download)

DOWNLOAD NOW!

Book Synopsis A Freudian Slip Is When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother by : Gary Blake

Download or read book A Freudian Slip Is When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother written by Gary Blake and published by Skyhorse. This book was released on 2012-05-01 with total page 194 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Everyone delights in wordplay! When there’s a sale on tennis balls, it’s first come, first serve. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Why does the Pope travel so much? Because he’s a roamin’ Catholic. What is purple and 5,000 miles long? The Grape Wall of China! O-pun the door to 1,001 goodies that will have you howling or groaning, but certainly—like the surgery patient—in stitches.