Neighborhood As Refuge

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Neighborhood as Refuge

Author : Isabelle Anguelovski
Publisher : MIT Press
ISBN 13 : 0262525690
Total Pages : 295 pages
Book Rating : 4.2/5 (625 download)

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Book Synopsis Neighborhood as Refuge by : Isabelle Anguelovski

Download or read book Neighborhood as Refuge written by Isabelle Anguelovski and published by MIT Press. This book was released on 2014-03-21 with total page 295 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An examination of environmental revitalization efforts in low-income communities in Boston, Barcelona, and Havana that help heal traumatized urban neighborhoods. Environmental justice as studied in a variety of disciplines is most often associated with redressing disproportionate exposure to pollution, contamination, and toxic sites. In Neighborhood as Refuge, Isabelle Anguelovski takes a broader view of environmental justice, examining wide-ranging comprehensive efforts at neighborhood environmental revitalization that include parks, urban agriculture, fresh food markets, playgrounds, housing, and waste management. She investigates and compares three minority, low-income neighborhoods that organized to improve environmental quality and livability: Casc Antic, in Barcelona; Dudley, in the Roxbury section of Boston; and Cayo Hueso, in Havana. Despite the differing histories and political contexts of these three communities, Anguelovski finds similar patterns of activism. She shows that behind successful revitalization efforts is what she calls “bottom to bottom” networking, powered by broad coalitions of residents, community organizations, architects, artists, funders, political leaders, and at times environmental advocacy groups. Anguelovski also describes how, over time, environmental projects provide psychological benefits, serving as a way to heal a marginalized and environmentally traumatized urban neighborhood. They encourage a sense of rootedness and of attachment to place, creating safe havens that offer residents a space for recovery. They also help to bolster residents' ability to deal with the negative dynamics of discrimination and provide spaces for broader political struggles including gentrification. Drawing on the cases of Barcelona, Boston, and Havana, Anguelovski presents a new holistic framework for understanding environmental justice action in cities, with the right to a healthy community environment at its core.

Neighborhood as Refuge

Author : Isabelle Anguelovski
Publisher : MIT Press
ISBN 13 : 0262322196
Total Pages : 295 pages
Book Rating : 4.2/5 (623 download)

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Book Synopsis Neighborhood as Refuge by : Isabelle Anguelovski

The Neighborhood

Author : Matthew Betley
Publisher : Blackstone Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1665064609
Total Pages : 267 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (65 download)

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Book Synopsis The Neighborhood by : Matthew Betley

Download or read book The Neighborhood written by Matthew Betley and published by Blackstone Publishing. This book was released on 2022-08-09 with total page 267 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “Die Hard in a gated community.”—Chris Hauty, national bestselling author of Deep State and Storm Rising From the critically acclaimed author of Overwatch and other titles in the Logan West Thriller series, comes a can’t-miss, brand-new thriller that proves Matthew Betley is the modern master of the unputdownable page-turner. It was supposed to be just another ordinary night ... What happens when your neighborhood harbors a secret so destructive that dangerous men are willing to kill for it? Welcome to Hidden Refuge, a normal American subdivision full of normal American suburbanites. At least that’s what the citizens thought before men impersonating police officers show up on their doorsteps in the middle of the night. Once the entire community is under siege, so begins a long, dark night that will prove to be anything but ordinary. But Zack Chambers, suburban family man and programmer by trade, has his own secret. One he had dearly hoped that he’d never need to use again. The deadly ex–CIA agent and trained operative plots to take back the night, doing whatever it takes to protect his neighborhood. In the face of a small army of trained killers, he’s got his wits, his babysitter, his equally lethal brother, and a ragtag group of neighbors willing to help. Action-packed and relentless with twists and turns and old scores to be settled, this propulsive and brilliantly plotted can’t-miss thriller brings a shocking end you won’t see coming. Fans of Matthew Betley’s trademark blend of gritty realism and edge-of-your-seat action will be delighted.

Trust First

Author : Bruce Deel
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 0525538178
Total Pages : 242 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (255 download)

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Book Synopsis Trust First by : Bruce Deel

Download or read book Trust First written by Bruce Deel and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2019-07-23 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If we choose to trust unconditionally, how many lives could we change? When Pastor Bruce Deel took over the Mission Church in the 30314 zip code of Atlanta, he had orders to shut it down. The church was old and decrepit, and its neighborhood--known as "Better Leave, You Effing Fool," or "the Bluff," for short--had the highest rates of crime, homelessness, and incarceration in Georgia. Expecting his time there to only last six months, Deel was not prepared for what happened next. One Sunday, he was approached by a woman he didn't know. "I've been hooking and stripping for fourteen years," she said. "Can you help me?" Soon after, Bruce founded an organization called City of Refuge rooted in the principle of radical trust. Other nonprofits might drug test before offering housing, lock up valuables, or veto a program giving job skills and character references to felons as "a liability." But Bruce believed the best way to improve outcomes for the marginalized and impoverished was to extend them trust, even if that trust was violated multiple times--and even if someone didn't yet trust themselves. Since then, City of Refuge has helped over 20,000 people in Atlanta's toughest neighborhood escape the cycles of homelessness, joblessness, and drug abuse. Of course, trust alone can't overcome a broken system that perpetuates inequality. Presenting an unvarnished window into the lives of ex-cons, drug addicts, human trafficking survivors, and displaced souls who have come through City of Refuge, Trust First examines the context in which Bruce's Atlanta neighborhood went downhill--and what City of Refuge chose to do about it. They've become a one-stop-shop for transitional housing, on-site medical and mental health care, childcare, and vocational training, including accredited intensives in auto tech, culinary arts, and coding. While most social services focus on one pain point and leave the burden on the poor to find the crosstown bus that'll serve their other needs, Bruce argues that bringing someone out of homelessness requires treating all of their needs simultaneously. This model has proven so effective that a dozen new chapters of City of Refuge have opened in the US, including in California, Illinois, Ohio, Maryland, Virginia, Texas, and Georgia. More than a narrative about a single place in time, this radical primer for behavioral change belongs on every leader's shelf. Heartfelt, deeply personal, and inspiring, Trust First will break down your assumptions about whether anyone is ever truly a lost cause. Bruce will donate a portion of his proceeds from Trust First to the charitable organization City of Refuge.

There Goes the Neighborhood

Author : Ali Noorani
Publisher : Prometheus Books
ISBN 13 : 1633883086
Total Pages : 322 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (338 download)

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Book Synopsis There Goes the Neighborhood by : Ali Noorani

Download or read book There Goes the Neighborhood written by Ali Noorani and published by Prometheus Books. This book was released on 2017-04-04 with total page 322 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Making America a welcome place for everyone, from long-established citizens to immigrants who have just arrived. This compelling approach to the immigration debate takes the reader behind the blaring headlines and into communities grappling with the reality of new immigrants and the changing nature of American identity. Ali Noorani, the Executive Director of the National Immigration Forum, interviews nearly fifty local and national leaders from law enforcement, business, immigrant, and faith communities to illustrate the challenges and opportunities they face. From high school principals to church pastors to sheriffs, the author reveals that most people are working to advance society's interests, not exploiting a crisis at the expense of one community. As he shows, some cities and regions have reached a happy conclusion, while others struggle to find balance. Whether describing a pastor preaching to the need to welcome the stranger, a sheriff engaging the Muslim community, or a farmer's wind-whipped face moistened by tears as he tells the story of his farmworkers being deported, the author helps readers to realize that America's immigration debate isn't about policy; it is about the culture and values that make America what it is. The people on the front lines of America's cultural and demographic debate are Southern Baptist pastors in South Carolina, attorneys general in Utah or Indiana, Texas businessmen, and many more. Their combined voices make clear that all of them are working to make America a welcome place for everyone, long-established citizens and new arrivals alike. Especially now, when we feel our identity, culture, and values changing shape, the collective message from all the diverse voices in this inspiring book is one of hope for the future.

Neighborhood of Fear

Author : Kyle Riismandel
Publisher : JHU Press
ISBN 13 : 1421439557
Total Pages : 255 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (214 download)

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Book Synopsis Neighborhood of Fear by : Kyle Riismandel

Download or read book Neighborhood of Fear written by Kyle Riismandel and published by JHU Press. This book was released on 2020-11-24 with total page 255 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: How—haunted by the idea that their suburban homes were under siege—the second generation of suburban residents expanded spatial control and cultural authority through a strategy of productive victimization. The explosive growth of American suburbs following World War II promised not only a new place to live but a new way of life, one away from the crime and crowds of the city. Yet, by the 1970s, the expected security of suburban life gave way to a sense of endangerment. Perceived, and sometimes material, threats from burglars, kidnappers, mallrats, toxic waste, and even the occult challenged assumptions about safe streets, pristine parks, and the sanctity of the home itself. In Neighborhood of Fear, Kyle Riismandel examines how suburbanites responded to this crisis by attempting to take control of the landscape and reaffirm their cultural authority. An increasing sense of criminal and environmental threats, Riismandel explains, coincided with the rise of cable television, VCRs, Dungeons & Dragons, and video games, rendering the suburban household susceptible to moral corruption and physical danger. Terrified in almost equal measure by heavy metal music, the Love Canal disaster, and the supposed kidnapping epidemic implied by the abduction of Adam Walsh, residents installed alarm systems, patrolled neighborhoods, built gated communities, cried "Not in my backyard!," and set strict boundaries on behavior within their homes. Riismandel explains how this movement toward self-protection reaffirmed the primacy of suburban family values and expanded their parochial power while further marginalizing cities and communities of color, a process that facilitated and was facilitated by the politics of the Reagan revolution and New Right. A novel look at how Americans imagined, traversed, and regulated suburban space in the last quarter of the twentieth century, Neighborhood of Fear shows how the preferences of the suburban middle class became central to the cultural values of the nation and fueled the continued growth of suburban political power.

City of Refuge

Author : Tom Piazza
Publisher : Harper Collins
ISBN 13 : 0061982814
Total Pages : 436 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (619 download)

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Book Synopsis City of Refuge by : Tom Piazza

Download or read book City of Refuge written by Tom Piazza and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2009-10-06 with total page 436 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In the heat of late summer, two New Orleans families—one black and one white—confront a storm that will change the course of their lives. SJ Williams, a carpenter and widower, lives and works in the Lower Ninth Ward, the community where he was born and raised. His sister, Lucy, is a soulful mess, and SJ has been trying to keep her son, Wesley, out of trouble. Across town, Craig Donaldson, a Midwestern transplant and the editor of the city's alternative paper, faces deepening cracks in his own family. New Orleans' music and culture have been Craig's passion, but his wife, Alice, has never felt comfortable in the city. The arrival of their two children has inflamed their arguments about the wisdom of raising a family there. When the news comes of a gathering hurricane—named Katrina—the two families make their own very different plans to weather the storm. The Donaldsons join the long evacuation convoy north, across Lake Pontchartrain and out of the city. SJ boards up his windows and brings Lucy to his house, where they wait it out together, while Wesley stays with a friend in another part of town. But the long night of wind and rain is only the beginning—and when the levees give way and the flood waters come, the fate of each family changes forever. The Williamses are scattered—first to the Convention Center and the sweltering Superdome, and then far beyond city and state lines, where they struggle to reconnect with one another. The Donaldsons, stranded and anxious themselves, find shelter first in Mississippi, then in Chicago, as Craig faces an impossible choice between the city he loves and the family he had hoped to raise there. Ranging from the lush neighborhoods of New Orleans to Texas, Missouri, Chicago, and beyond, City of Refuge is a modern masterpiece—a panoramic novel of family and community, trial and resilience, told with passion, wisdom, and a deep understanding of American life in our time.

Hello, Neighbor!

Author : Matthew Cordell
Publisher : Holiday House
ISBN 13 : 0823446182
Total Pages : 42 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (234 download)

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Book Synopsis Hello, Neighbor! by : Matthew Cordell

Download or read book Hello, Neighbor! written by Matthew Cordell and published by Holiday House. This book was released on 2020-04-06 with total page 42 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Kindness, caring, and reliance on our neighbors are more important now than ever before. We all need more Mister Rogers in our lives. In difficult times, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood provided a refuge for children and their families alike; a way to understand and talk about what was happening, and find hope for a brighter tomorrow. Groundbreaking in a quiet, generous way, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood introduced a generation of children to the wonders of the world in the comfort of their own living rooms. Fred Rogers took young viewers to art museums, introduced them to different professions, and talked through difficult subjects like losing a loved one, or experiencing parents' divorce, with compassion and reassurance. Share that deep respect, care, and quiet joy in the day-to-day with the only authorized picture book biography of Fred Rogers--lovingly created by Caldecott Medalist Matt Cordell. Lively, colorful illustrations explore Fred Rogers' early life and the events that led him to create his enduring show. Exclusively published archival photographs, provided by Fred Rogers Productions, offer a behind-the-scenes look at this historic show and the people whose hard work made it possible. A brief biography of Mister Rogers and a history of the show is included, as well as a note from author-illustrator Matt Cordell about his inspiration and longtime admiration for Fred Rogers and Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. Perfect for fans of the film A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, starring Tom Hanks, or anyone who wants to bring home the ideals of compassion, kindness, and patience that make us all good neighbors, this captivating picture book should not be missed. A Junior Library Guild Selection A Bank Street Best Children's Book of the Year!

Faith in the Neighborhood

Author : Lucinda Allen Mosher
Publisher : Church Publishing, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 1596271515
Total Pages : 201 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (962 download)

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Book Synopsis Faith in the Neighborhood by : Lucinda Allen Mosher

Download or read book Faith in the Neighborhood written by Lucinda Allen Mosher and published by Church Publishing, Inc.. This book was released on 2005-06-01 with total page 201 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This series of books explores what it means to live and worship among the many faiths unique to America's neighborhoods. Each book in the series illuminates the questions Christians have about other faiths such as Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Baha'i, Zoroastrianism, Afro-Caribbean religions, Native-American religions, Confucianism, and Shinto. Different faiths have different ideals of community, and different kinds of rules. In Belonging Lucinda Mosher explores the vocabulary of America's many religions, the theologies and rituals that create a sense of belonging, and how these religions handle life's stages--welcoming babies, rites of passage for adolescents, initiation, and conversion. Interwoven with interviews and personal stories, Belonging is intended for interfaith education of all kinds. A quick guide to each religion, a glossary, and recommended reading are included.

Neighborhood Sharks

Author : Katherine Roy
Publisher : Roaring Brook Press
ISBN 13 : 146688083X
Total Pages : 48 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (668 download)

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Book Synopsis Neighborhood Sharks by : Katherine Roy

Download or read book Neighborhood Sharks written by Katherine Roy and published by Roaring Brook Press. This book was released on 2014-09-30 with total page 48 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Up close with the ocean's most fearsome and famous predator and the scientists who study them—just twenty-six miles from the Golden Gate Bridge! A few miles from San Francisco lives a population of the ocean's largest and most famous predators. Each fall, while the city's inhabitants dine on steaks, salads, and sandwiches, the great white sharks return to California's Farallon Islands to dine on their favorite meal: the seals that live on the island's rocky coasts. Massive, fast, and perfectly adapted to hunting after 11 million years of evolution, the great whites are among the planet's most fearsome, fascinating, and least understood animals. In the fall of 2012, Katherine Roy visited the Farallons with the scientists who study the islands' shark population. She witnessed seal attacks, observed sharks being tagged in the wild, and got an up close look at the dramatic Farallons—a wildlife refuge that is strictly off-limits to all but the scientists who work there. Neighborhood Sharks is an intimate portrait of the life cycle, biology, and habitat of the great white shark, based on the latest research and an up-close visit with these amazing animals.

Transforming Communities

Author : Sandhya Rani Jha
Publisher : Chalice Press
ISBN 13 : 0827237162
Total Pages : 144 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (272 download)

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Book Synopsis Transforming Communities by : Sandhya Rani Jha

Download or read book Transforming Communities written by Sandhya Rani Jha and published by Chalice Press. This book was released on 2017-11-07 with total page 144 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The world around us is a wreck. When there's so much conflict around the country and around the corner, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, powerless, and helpless. What can one person do to make a difference? Here's the good news. Millions of everyday people are ready to step into their power to transform their communities. And you are one of them. Take heart and be inspired by real stories of ordinary people who took action and changed their corner of the world, one step at a time. Equal parts inspiration, education, and Do-It-Yourself, Transforming Communities by veteran community activist Sandhya Jha will open your eyes to the world-healing potential within you, and give you the vision, the tools, and the encouragement to start transforming your neighborhood, one person at a time.

Refuge Reimagined

Author : Mark R. Glanville
Publisher : InterVarsity Press
ISBN 13 : 0830853820
Total Pages : 277 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (38 download)

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Book Synopsis Refuge Reimagined by : Mark R. Glanville

Download or read book Refuge Reimagined written by Mark R. Glanville and published by InterVarsity Press. This book was released on 2021-02-16 with total page 277 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The global crisis of forced displacement is growing every year. At the same time, Western Christians' sympathy toward refugees is increasingly overshadowed by concerns about personal and national security, economics, and culture. We urgently need a perspective that understands both Scripture and current political realities and that can be applied at the levels of the church, the nation, and the globe. In Refuge Reimagined, Mark R. Glanville and Luke Glanville offer a new approach to compassion for displaced people: a biblical ethic of kinship. God's people, they argue, are consistently called to extend kinship—a mutual responsibility and solidarity—to those who are marginalized and without a home. Drawing on their respective expertise in Old Testament studies and international relations, the two brothers engage a range of disciplines to demonstrate how this ethic is consistently conveyed throughout the Bible and can be practically embodied today. Glanville and Glanville apply the kinship ethic to issues such as the current mission of the church, national identity and sovereignty, and possibilities for a cooperative global response to the refugee crisis. Challenging the fear-based ethic that often motivates Christian approaches, they envision a more generous, creative, and hopeful way forward. Refuge Reimagined will equip students, activists, and anyone interested in refugee issues to understand the biblical model for communities and how it can transform our world.

Last Child in the Woods

Author : Richard Louv
Publisher : Algonquin Books
ISBN 13 : 156512586X
Total Pages : 416 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (651 download)

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Book Synopsis Last Child in the Woods by : Richard Louv

Download or read book Last Child in the Woods written by Richard Louv and published by Algonquin Books. This book was released on 2008-04-22 with total page 416 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “The children and nature movement is fueled by this fundamental idea: the child in nature is an endangered species, and the health of children and the health of the Earth are inseparable.” —Richard Louv, from the new edition In his landmark work Last Child in the Woods, Richard Louv brought together cutting-edge studies that pointed to direct exposure to nature as essential for a child’s healthy physical and emotional development. Now this new edition updates the growing body of evidence linking the lack of nature in children’s lives and the rise in obesity, attention disorders, and depression. Louv’s message has galvanized an international back-to-nature campaign to “Leave No Child Inside.” His book will change the way you think about our future and the future of our children. “[The] national movement to ‘leave no child inside’ . . . has been the focus of Capitol Hill hearings, state legislative action, grass-roots projects, a U.S. Forest Service initiative to get more children into the woods and a national effort to promote a ‘green hour’ in each day. . . . The increased activism has been partly inspired by a best-selling book, Last Child in the Woods, and its author, Richard Louv.” —The Washington Post “Last Child in the Woods, which describes a generation so plugged into electronic diversions that it has lost its connection to the natural world, is helping drive a movement quickly flourishing across the nation.” —The Nation’s Health “This book is an absolute must-read for parents.” —The Boston Globe Now includes A Field Guide with 100 Practical Actions We Can Take Discussion Points for Book Groups, Classrooms, and Communities Additional Notes by the Author New and Updated Research from the U.S. and Abroad

Women, Housing, and Community

Author : Willem Van Vliet
Publisher :
ISBN 13 :
Total Pages : 248 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (91 download)

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Book Synopsis Women, Housing, and Community by : Willem Van Vliet

Download or read book Women, Housing, and Community written by Willem Van Vliet and published by . This book was released on 1988 with total page 248 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

The Great Neighborhood Book

Author : Jay Walljasper
Publisher :
ISBN 13 :
Total Pages : 175 pages
Book Rating : 4.:/5 (696 download)

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Book Synopsis The Great Neighborhood Book by : Jay Walljasper

Download or read book The Great Neighborhood Book written by Jay Walljasper and published by . This book was released on 2007 with total page 175 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

How to Kill a City

Author : PE Moskowitz
Publisher : Bold Type Books
ISBN 13 : 1568585241
Total Pages : 267 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (685 download)

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Book Synopsis How to Kill a City by : PE Moskowitz

Download or read book How to Kill a City written by PE Moskowitz and published by Bold Type Books. This book was released on 2017-03-07 with total page 267 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A journey to the front lines of the battle for the future of American cities, uncovering the massive, systemic forces behind gentrification -- and the lives that are altered in the process. The term gentrification has become a buzzword to describe the changes in urban neighborhoods across the country, but we don't realize just how threatening it is. It means more than the arrival of trendy shops, much-maligned hipsters, and expensive lattes. The very future of American cities as vibrant, equitable spaces hangs in the balance. P. E. Moskowitz's How to Kill a City takes readers from the kitchen tables of hurting families who can no longer afford their homes to the corporate boardrooms and political backrooms where destructive housing policies are devised. Along the way, Moskowitz uncovers the massive, systemic forces behind gentrification in New Orleans, Detroit, San Francisco, and New York. The deceptively simple question of who can and cannot afford to pay the rent goes to the heart of America's crises of race and inequality. In the fight for economic opportunity and racial justice, nothing could be more important than housing. A vigorous, hard-hitting expose, How to Kill a City reveals who holds power in our cities-and how we can get it back.

Neighborhood Girls

Author : Jessie Ann Foley
Publisher : HarperCollins
ISBN 13 : 0062571907
Total Pages : 207 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (625 download)

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Book Synopsis Neighborhood Girls by : Jessie Ann Foley

Download or read book Neighborhood Girls written by Jessie Ann Foley and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2017-09-12 with total page 207 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A powerful coming-of-age story about a girl whose encounters with loss, broken friendships, and newfound faith leave her forever changed, from Printz Honor winner and Morris Award Finalist Jessie Ann Foley When Wendy Boychuck’s father, a Chicago cop, was escorted from their property in handcuffs, she knew her life would never be the same. Her father gets a years-long jail sentence, her family falls on hard times, and the whispers around their neighborhood are impossible to ignore. If that wasn’t bad enough, she gets jumped walking home from a party one night. Wendy quickly realizes that in order to survive her father’s reputation, she’ll have to make one for herself. Then Wendy meets Kenzie Quintana—a foul-mouthed, Catholic uniform-skirt-hiking alpha—and she knows immediately that she’s found her savior. Kenzie can provide Wendy with the kind of armor a girl needs when she’s trying to outrun her father’s past. Add two more mean girls to the mix—Sapphire and Emily—and Wendy has found herself in Academy of the Sacred Heart’s most feared and revered clique. Makeover complete. But complete is far from what Wendy feels. Instead, she faces the highs and lows of a toxic friendship, the exhaustion that comes with keeping up appearances, and a shattering loss—the only one that could hurt more than losing herself.