5000 Great One Liners

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5,000 Great One Liners

Author : Grant Tucker
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1849544824
Total Pages : 355 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

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Book Synopsis 5,000 Great One Liners by : Grant Tucker

Download or read book 5,000 Great One Liners written by Grant Tucker and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2012-09-25 with total page 355 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: My mate told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?' Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners

Author :
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1628734205
Total Pages : 312 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (287 download)

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Book Synopsis 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by :

Download or read book 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners written by and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2013-11-01 with total page 312 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “I’ll never forget the words my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. He said ‘Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.’” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners

Author :
Publisher : Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 1616088540
Total Pages : 313 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (16 download)

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Book Synopsis 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by :

Download or read book 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners written by and published by Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.. This book was released on 2013-11-06 with total page 313 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A treasury of the world's top-selected one-liners and jokes, published for today's generation of social media comics, includes such puns, zingers and witty remarks as "A dyslexic man walks into a bra." By the creator of The Margaret Thatcher Book of Quotations. Original. 10,000 first printing.

More One Liners, Jokes and Gags

Author : Grant Tucker
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 184954672X
Total Pages : 298 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

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Book Synopsis More One Liners, Jokes and Gags by : Grant Tucker

Download or read book More One Liners, Jokes and Gags written by Grant Tucker and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2013-11-07 with total page 298 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.

5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners

Author :
Publisher : Skyhorse
ISBN 13 : 9781510766990
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (669 download)

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Book Synopsis 5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners by :

Download or read book 5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners written by and published by Skyhorse. This book was released on 2021-10-19 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Thousands of jokes and zingers to expand your repertoire and become a master of comedy! Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

Stand By Your Manhood

Author : Peter Lloyd
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1849548528
Total Pages : 254 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

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Book Synopsis Stand By Your Manhood by : Peter Lloyd

Download or read book Stand By Your Manhood written by Peter Lloyd and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2016-07-07 with total page 254 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: DAILY MAIL BOOK OF THE WEEK Men must be the worst oppressors in history - we pay the most taxes, get the least support and play longer matches at Wimbledon for no extra money. We're also more likely to be homeless, circumcised, attacked, jailed, drafted, under-educated, short-changed in parenthood and shafted by divorce. Oh, and to top it all, we die sooner. Despite this, feminists still assert we live in a patriarchy and give us a hard time. Fortunately, Peter Lloyd is here to offer a reality check in this long-overdue lad bible. Part polemic, part toolkit for the modern man, Stand By Your Manhood answers all the burning questions facing the brotherhood today, including: Should we fund the first date? Is penis size a political issue? Are we sexist if we enjoy pornography? Why isn't there a men's minister? Politically incorrect, fearless and laugh-out-loud funny, this is the deliciously provocative book that gives blokes their balls back.

Is That Mic Off?

Author : Phil Mason
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1849544816
Total Pages : 265 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (495 download)

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Book Synopsis Is That Mic Off? by : Phil Mason

Download or read book Is That Mic Off? written by Phil Mason and published by Biteback Publishing. This book was released on 2012-10-22 with total page 265 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If you want to hear something stupid, just listen to the nearest politician. From the authors of Read My Lips and Mission Accomplished!, this completely new collection of politicians' gaffes, slips and brain freezes brings the verbal misstep into the present era of coalition government in Britain, the 2012 presidential election campaign in America and the global phenomenon of Wikileaks. Here is a treasure trove of the finest worst utterings from the men and women whose main skill is meant to be their power of communication. From Bush, Obama and Palin to Brown, Cameron, Clegg and co., the mad, the bad, the stupid and the shameless are all in attendance -watch them shoot from the lip and hit themselves in the foot. If, as they always say, politicians want to be judged by their words, let them be these.

The Mammoth Book of One-Liners

Author : Geoff Tibballs
Publisher : Robinson
ISBN 13 : 1780335369
Total Pages : 607 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (83 download)

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Book Synopsis The Mammoth Book of One-Liners by : Geoff Tibballs

Download or read book The Mammoth Book of One-Liners written by Geoff Tibballs and published by Robinson. This book was released on 2012-06-07 with total page 607 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

The Big Book of Dad Jokes

Author : Joe Kerz
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1631586653
Total Pages : 389 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (315 download)

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Book Synopsis The Big Book of Dad Jokes by : Joe Kerz

Download or read book The Big Book of Dad Jokes written by Joe Kerz and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2022-04-19 with total page 389 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hundreds and Hundreds of Jokes that Will Drive Your Family Crazy Nothing is more hilarious for moms, sons, and daughters than the bad jokes dads tell. (Well, at least he thinks they're hilarious . . .) Have you ever noticed when you’re out to dinner and your dad takes it upon himself to antagonize your server with a lame joke? Has he ever made a pun that made everyone at a family gathering roll their eyes? Has he ever made a corny comment about things simply lying around the house? If you answered “yes” to any of the following, you’re not alone. Dad jokes are at the center of all dad interactions and the core of every dad’s persona. This comedic compendium compiles more than eight hundred of the best jokes dads can use to hone their craft and ensure maximum eye rolling. Included within are jokes such as: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality. With Dad Jokes, give your dad the gift of becoming the least funny/most "punny" guy in the room.

History in Quotations

Author : M. J. Cohen
Publisher : Orion
ISBN 13 : 9780297844860
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (448 download)

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Book Synopsis History in Quotations by : M. J. Cohen

Download or read book History in Quotations written by M. J. Cohen and published by Orion. This book was released on 2008 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An exciting and original work of historical reference. From the Iraq of ancient Babylon to the Iraq war of 2003 - taking in the histories of Europe, the Americas, Africa and Asia in a grand global sweep. It uses the innovative medium of some 9000 chronologically arranged quotations of more than 5000 years of recorded history.

The Complete Book of Zingers

Author : Croft M. Pentz
Publisher : Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 9780842304672
Total Pages : 386 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (46 download)

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Book Synopsis The Complete Book of Zingers by : Croft M. Pentz

Download or read book The Complete Book of Zingers written by Croft M. Pentz and published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. This book was released on 1990 with total page 386 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: You could call them one-sentence sermons or one-sentence solutions. Use them to spice up your speeches, sermons, church bulletins--anywhere a quick word of wit or wisdom is needed.

Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations

Author : Ned Sherrin
Publisher : Oxford University Press, USA
ISBN 13 : 0199237166
Total Pages : 574 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (992 download)

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Book Synopsis Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations by : Ned Sherrin

Download or read book Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations written by Ned Sherrin and published by Oxford University Press, USA. This book was released on 2008-09-25 with total page 574 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This hilarious collection of humorous quotations, full of wisecracks and wit, snappy comments and inspired fantasy, has been specially compiled by the late broadcaster and raconteur Ned Sherrin, with a foreword by leading British satirist, Alistair Beaton. Now packed with even more quotes and covering more subjects than before, from Weddings to the Supernatural, Australia to Headlines. Find the best lines from your favourite jokesters and wordsmiths, add that extra something to a speech or presentation, or just enjoy a good laugh. 'A chair is a piece of furniture. I am not a chair because no one has ever sat on me.' Ann Widdecombe on the announcement that Parliamentary language will now be gender-neutral. 'No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off 'I don't like Mondays' for 30 years.' Russell Brand On deciding to run for governor of California: 'The most difficult decision I've ever made in my entire life, except for the one in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.' Arnold Schwarzenegger 'Wanting to know an author because you like his work is like wanting to know a duck because you like p--acirc--;t--eacute--;.' Margaret Atwood 'I am so sorry. We have to stop there. I have just come to the end of my personality.' Quentin Crisp, closing down an interview

The Language of Jokes in the Digital Age

Author : Delia Chiaro
Publisher : Routledge
ISBN 13 : 1351379968
Total Pages : 178 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (513 download)

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Book Synopsis The Language of Jokes in the Digital Age by : Delia Chiaro

Download or read book The Language of Jokes in the Digital Age written by Delia Chiaro and published by Routledge. This book was released on 2017-11-23 with total page 178 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this accessible book, Delia Chiaro provides a fresh overview of the language of jokes in a globalized and digitalized world. The book shows how, while on the one hand the lingua-cultural nuts and bolts of jokes have remained unchanged over time, on the other, the time-space compression brought about by modern technology has generated new settings and new ways of joking and playing with language. The Language of Jokes in the Digital Age covers a wide range of settings from social networks, e-mails and memes, to more traditional fields of film and TV (especially sitcoms and game shows) and advertising. Chiaro’s consideration of the increasingly virtual context of jokes delights with both up-to-date examples and frequent reference to the most central theories of comedy. This lively book will be essential reading for any student or researcher working in the area of language and humour and will be of interest to those in language and media and sociolinguistics.

Man Walks into a Bar

Author : Stephen Arnott
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1646043715
Total Pages : 448 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (46 download)

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Book Synopsis Man Walks into a Bar by : Stephen Arnott

Download or read book Man Walks into a Bar written by Stephen Arnott and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2022-05-10 with total page 448 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Be the life of the party with this ridiculous and definitely-not-for-kids joke book. Includes knock-knock-jokes, one-liners, puns, and more hilarious jokes. Do you want to be the person who keeps friends, family, and coworkers laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of thousands of jokes and alphabetically organized into hundreds of topics from accountants to zebras, this book offers you a massive collection of over-the-top jokes that will have everyone laughing out loud. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He finally decided to stick it out for one more year! A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.” The police have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines—it’s believed to have been the work of organized crime

It's Not Easy Bein' Me

Author : Rodney Dangerfield
Publisher : Zondervan
ISBN 13 : 006195764X
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (619 download)

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Book Synopsis It's Not Easy Bein' Me by : Rodney Dangerfield

Download or read book It's Not Easy Bein' Me written by Rodney Dangerfield and published by Zondervan. This book was released on 2009-08-11 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An American comic icon tells the story of his second–act rise from obscurity to multimedia stardom. "When I was a kid," writes Rodney Dangerfield, "I worked tough places in show business––places like Fonzo's Knuckle Room. Or Aldo's, formerly Vito's, formerly Nunzio's. That was a tough joint. I looked at the menu. They had broken leg of lamb." For once, one of America's most beloved comic icons isn't kidding. Dangerfield has seen every aspect of the entertainment industry: the rough–and–tumble nightclubs, the backstage gag–writing sessions, the drugs, the hookers, the lousy day jobs – and the red–carpet star treatment. As he traces his route from a poor childhood on Long Island to his enshrinement as a comedy legend, he takes readers on a roller–coaster ride through a life that has been alternately touching, sordid, funny, raunchy, and uplifting – equal parts "Little Orphan Annie" and "Caligula." And unlike most celebrity autobiographers, he seems to have no qualms about delivering the unfiltered whole story, warts and all. Dangerfield's personal story is also a rollicking show business tale, full of marquee name–droppings (Adam Sandler, Sam Kinison, Jim Carrey, Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld) and good stories about same. Defying the old saws about the fleeting nature of fame and the dearth of second acts in American life, Dangerfield transformed himself from a debt–ridden aluminium–siding salesman named Jack Roy to a multimedia superstar – and stayed an icon for decades. His catchphrase – "I get no respect" – has entered the lexicon, and he remains a visible cultural presence and perennial talk–show guest. Dangerfield's hilarious and inspiring musings should thrill comedy fans and pop–culture watchers, and his second–act comeback will strike a chord with readers of all stripes. Maybe he'll even get some respect.

1,037 One Liner Jokes

Author : Matthew Hovey
Publisher : Lulu.com
ISBN 13 : 1387277480
Total Pages : 34 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (872 download)

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Book Synopsis 1,037 One Liner Jokes by : Matthew Hovey

Download or read book 1,037 One Liner Jokes written by Matthew Hovey and published by Lulu.com. This book was released on 2017-10-06 with total page 34 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: 1,037 one liners that will have you roll on the floor laughing. These one liners are hilarious.

5,000 One Liners

Author : Ray Prince
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9781718155398
Total Pages : 330 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (553 download)

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Book Synopsis 5,000 One Liners by : Ray Prince

Download or read book 5,000 One Liners written by Ray Prince and published by . This book was released on 2018-08-17 with total page 330 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Following the outstanding success of his first volume titled 4,000 One Liners, the author has delved into his archive and cobbled together a second volume of equally fascinating reflections of life. The new book 5,000 One Liners is a trove of humorous and thoughtful quotes which are sure to brighten the reader's day and bring a smile. It is word-smithing at its best; wit, humour, ideas, philosophy and memorable quotes are skillfully drawn together to surprise and prompt thought. Turn to any page and revel in the word play.This book is an all-rounder, suiting every occasion from an accompaniment to a quiet coffee or glass of wine to being a valuable handbook for speakers - both budding and accomplished. The generic appeal also guarantees its acceptance as a welcome gift. The topics include Business, Money, Time, Education, The Professions, Health and Doctors, Sex and Marriage, Family, Food and Drink, Holidays, Religion and Politics, among others. The author has won the coveted Australian Toastmaster's speaking competition. He also competed in the world finals in the USA. In his career as a management consultant he has been keenly sought after as a conference and dinner speaker. Reviews of first volume, 4,000 One Liners "We recommend that you have 4,000 bits of enjoyment!! And in daily increments, if that is your way! Humour is excellent medicine." Medical practitioner."Read this book and you'll realise (if you don't know already) that life is absurdly amusing and the law is about life. Most entries contain a germ of wisdom, but all of them are funny and clever." Barrister at Law."As a long haul frequent flyer, I often take 4,000 One Liners with me to keep my mojo and sense of humor on the long trips. I enjoyed the book so much I purchased 50 copies for friends and business associates!" Chairman and CEO of a Public Company.