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Fat White Vampire Blues
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Book Synopsis Fat White Vampire Blues by : Andrew Fox
Download or read book Fat White Vampire Blues written by Andrew Fox and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2003-07-01 with total page 354 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Book Synopsis Fat White Vampire Blues by : Andrew Fox
Download or read book Fat White Vampire Blues written by Andrew Fox and published by National Geographic Books. This book was released on 2003-07-01 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Book Synopsis Bride of the Fat White Vampire by : Andrew Fox
Download or read book Bride of the Fat White Vampire written by Andrew Fox and published by National Geographic Books. This book was released on 2004-08-03 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.
Download or read book Fat Vampire written by Adam Rex and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2011-07-26 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it’s just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it’s not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.
Book Synopsis Fat White Vampire Otaku by : Andrew Fox
Download or read book Fat White Vampire Otaku written by Andrew Fox and published by . This book was released on 2021-04-12 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The long awaited third installment in the Fat White Vampire series of humorous horror novels. Jules Duchon and his vampiric family suffer through the ravages of Hurricane Antonia and struggle to survive in a New Orleans which is almost entirely depopulated. Where will they get their blood? Salvation comes from the most unlikely source possible - a trio of Japanese superheroes called Bonsai Master, Anime Girl, and Cutie-Scary Man. Yet that salvation comes with a terrifying but laugh-inducing price? the blood which the three superheroes donate has unpredictable effects on Jules and his family. Chaos ensues as Jules is transformed into a seven-foot-tall white rabbit, his wife Maureen puts on three hundred pounds, and his mother Edna becomes a vicious human/vampire vacuum cleaner!
Download or read book Blindsight written by Peter Watts and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2006-10-03 with total page 388 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hugo and Shirley Jackson award-winning Peter Watts stands on the cutting edge of hard SF with his acclaimed novel, Blindsight Two months since the stars fell... Two months of silence, while a world held its breath. Now some half-derelict space probe, sparking fitfully past Neptune's orbit, hears a whisper from the edge of the solar system: a faint signal sweeping the cosmos like a lighthouse beam. Whatever's out there isn't talking to us. It's talking to some distant star, perhaps. Or perhaps to something closer, something en route. So who do you send to force introductions with unknown and unknowable alien intellect that doesn't wish to be met? You send a linguist with multiple personalities, her brain surgically partitioned into separate, sentient processing cores. You send a biologist so radically interfaced with machinery that he sees x-rays and tastes ultrasound. You send a pacifist warrior in the faint hope she won't be needed. You send a monster to command them all, an extinct hominid predator once called vampire, recalled from the grave with the voodoo of recombinant genetics and the blood of sociopaths. And you send a synthesist—an informational topologist with half his mind gone—as an interface between here and there. Pray they can be trusted with the fate of a world. They may be more alien than the thing they've been sent to find. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Download or read book You Suck LP written by Christopher Moore and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2007-04-24 with total page 385 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Waking up after a fantastic night only to discover that his girlfriend is a vampire and has transformed him into one, C. Thomas Flood adapts to his new powers while dealing with a dangerous faction of bloodsuckers trying to kill off all other vampires.
Download or read book No Dominion written by Charlie Huston and published by Del Rey. This book was released on 2006-12-26 with total page 273 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Joe Pitt’s life sucks. He hasn’t had a case or a job in God knows how long and his stashes are running on empty. What stashes? The only ones that count to a guy like Joe: blood and money. The money he uses to buy blood; the blood he drinks. Hey, buddy, it’s that or your neck—you want to choose? The only way to lay his hands on both is to take a gig with the local Vampyre Clan. See, something new is on the streets, a new high, a high so strong it can send a Vampyre spazzing through Joe’s local watering hole. Till Joe sends him through a plate-glass window, that is. So it’s time for Joe to gut up and swallow that pride and follow the leads wherever they go. It won’ t be long before he’s slapping stoolies, getting sapped, and being taken for a ride above 110th Street. Someone’s pulling Joe’s strings, and now he’s riding the A train, looking to find who it is. He’s gonna cut them when he finds them—the strings and the hands that hold them.
Book Synopsis Bloodsucking Fiends by : Christopher Moore
Download or read book Bloodsucking Fiends written by Christopher Moore and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2009-11-05 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realises the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful, undead redhead walks through the door ... and proceeds to rock Tommy's life - and afterlife - in ways he never imagined possible.
Download or read book Perpetual Care written by James Nolan and published by . This book was released on 2008 with total page 262 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This collection of short stories, which was awarded the 2007 Jefferson Press prize for Best New Voice in Fiction, explores the milieu of what post-Katrina New Orleans residents have come to call the isle of denial--a resilient and intact sliver of civilization surrounded by a sea of devastation. Evoking the comic grotesque legacy of Flannery O'Connor and John Kennedy Toole, these pieces inhabit a variety of piquant souls, including a Creole spinster, a transvestite plumber, a gambler who makes prosthetic eyes, a food critic who winds up with a mouthful of his best friend's ashes, and a grief-stricken young woman who sneaks a clock radio into her boyfriend's casket. They share a common trait of perverse denial in the face of historic or private defeat. Each story provides a window into aspects of the city and its' captivating neighborhoods while tendering startling revelations on elemental themes of death, sex, and restoration.
Download or read book Staked written by Kevin Hearne and published by Del Rey. This book was released on 2016-01-26 with total page 363 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • In the eighth book in The Iron Druid Chronicles, two-thousand-year-old Druid Atticus O’Sullivan faces the clan of vampires who have been bent on destroying him—including Leif, his former best friend turned enemy. When a Druid lives as long as Atticus does, he’s bound to run afoul of a few vampires—make that legions of them. Even his former friend and legal counsel turned out to be a bloodsucking backstabber. Now the toothy troublemakers—led by power-mad pain-in-the-neck Theophilus—are no longer content to live undead and let live. Atticus needs to make a point—and drive it into a vampire’s heart. As always, Atticus wouldn’t mind a little backup. But his allies have problems of their own. Ornery archdruid Owen Kennedy is having a wee bit of troll trouble: Turns out when you stiff a troll, it’s not water under the bridge. Meanwhile, Granuaile is desperate to free herself of the Norse god Loki’s mark and elude his powers of divination—a quest that will bring her face-to-face with several Slavic nightmares. As Atticus globe-trots to stop his vampire nemesis, the journey leads to Rome. What better place to end an immortal than the Eternal City? But poetic justice won’t come without a price: In order to defeat Theophilus, Atticus may have to lose an old friend. Don’t miss any of The Iron Druid Chronicles: HOUNDED | HEXED | HAMMERED | TRICKED | TRAPPED | HUNTED | SHATTERED | STAKED | SCOURGED | BESIEGED
Book Synopsis My Life as a White Trash Zombie by : Diana Rowland
Download or read book My Life as a White Trash Zombie written by Diana Rowland and published by Astra Publishing House. This book was released on 2011-07-05 with total page 322 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Horror meets humorous urban fantasy in first book of the White Trash Zombie series • Winner of the 2012 Best Urban Fantasy Protagonist by the RT Awards Angel Crawford is a Loser. Living with her alcoholic deadbeat dad in the swamps of southern Louisiana, she's a high school dropout with a pill habit and a criminal record who's been fired from more crap jobs than she can count. Now on probation for a felony, it seems that Angel will never pull herself out of the downward spiral her life has taken. That is, until the day she wakes up in the ER after overdosing on painkillers. Angel remembers being in a horrible car crash, but she doesn't have a mark on her. To add to the weirdness, she receives an anonymous letter telling her there's a job waiting for her at the county morgue—and that it's an offer she doesn't dare refuse. Before she knows it she's dealing wth a huge crush on a certain hunky deputy and a brand new addiction: an overpowering craving for brains. Plus, her morgue is filling up with the victims of a serial killer who decapitates his prey—just when she's hungriest! Angel's going to have to grow up fast if she wants to keep this job and stay in one piece. Because if she doesn't, she's dead meat. Literally.
Download or read book Alive in Necropolis written by Doug Dorst and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2008-07-17 with total page 448 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A "dark and funny debut"(Seattle-Times) about a young police officer struggling to maintain a sense of reality in a town where the dead outnumber the living. Colma, California, the "cemetery city" serving San Francisco, is the resting place of the likes of Joe DiMaggio, Wyatt Earp, and William Randolph Hearst. It is also the home of Michael Mercer, a by-the-book rookie cop struggling to settle comfortably into adult life. Instead, he becomes obsessed with the mysterious fate of his predecessor, Sergeant Wes Featherstone, who spent his last years policing the dead as well as the living. As Mercer attempts to navigate the drama of his own daily life, his own grip on reality starts to slip-either that, or Colma's more famous residents are not resting in peace as they should be.
Download or read book Larger Than Death written by Lynne Murray and published by Macmillan. This book was released on 2000-04-15 with total page 308 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Smart and full of attitude, Josephine Fuller goes undercover as a troubleshooter for a feminist philanthropist. Working around the clock, it's a rare day that Josephine gets some time off. When she does, she heads to visit her friend Nina, a plus-size clothing designer. However, when Josephine gets to Seattle, Nina turns up dead. With a list of suspects that keeps growing, it's up to Josephine to find the killer before he strikes again.
Book Synopsis Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by : Seth Grahame-Smith
Download or read book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter written by Seth Grahame-Smith and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2010-03-02 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls through the dense woods that surround a one-room cabin, where a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his suffering mother's bedside. She's been stricken with something the old-timers call "Milk Sickness." "My baby boy..." she whispers before dying. Only later will the grieving Abe learn that his mother's fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire. When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, he writes in his journal, "henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose..." Gifted with his legendary height, strength, and skill with an ax, Abe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead him all the way to the White House. While Abraham Lincoln is widely lauded for saving a Union and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. That is, until Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The Secret Journal of Abraham Lincoln, and became the first living person to lay eyes on it in more than 140 years. Using the journal as his guide and writing in the grand biographical style of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true life story of our greatest president for the first time-all while revealing the hidden history behind the Civil War and uncovering the role vampires played in the birth, growth, and near-death of our nation.
Book Synopsis Bride of the Fat White Vampire by : Andrew Fox
Download or read book Bride of the Fat White Vampire written by Andrew Fox and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 2004-08-03 with total page 450 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: After morphing into 187 very large white rats in the name of self-preservation, Jules Duchon is back to his portly self, a member of that secret class of New Orleans citizens known as the undead. Though he would like nothing better than to spend his nights raising hell and biting flesh in his beloved French Quarter, duty calls when an exclusive club of blue blood vampires demands that the 450-pound cabbie find out who is attacking its young and beautiful members. Adding insult to injury, he has to enlist the help of a former foe: a black vampire named Preston. What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.
Download or read book At Large written by Lynne Murray and published by Pearlsong Press. This book was released on 2012-12-01 with total page 228 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It's a king-sized case for a queen-sized sleuth! In the third Josephine Fuller mystery, Jo is working undercover at a women's skills center when she spots an old acquaintance. Jo last saw Teddy in Kathmandu when her photographer husband ran off with Teddy's mountain-climbing wife, leaving the spouses to commiserate. Now Teddy has a new problem—his latest girlfriend is missing. Jo agrees to track her down, and the trail leads straight to his estranged wife, murdered with a climbing axe. Jo suddenly finds herself a major suspect in the death of the woman who broke up her marriage. Add to that Jo's already muddled love life, an apartment filled with haunting memories, and suspects ranging from the victim's lesbian vegetarian sister to her fading film star mother, her politician stepfather and her mooching father, and Jo's got her hands full.
