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Trapped Memoir Of A Cult Survivor
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Book Synopsis Trapped, Memoir of a Cult Survivor by : Lindsay Andrews
Download or read book Trapped, Memoir of a Cult Survivor written by Lindsay Andrews and published by Outskirts Press. This book was released on 2020-09-19 with total page 222 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Trapped tells the story of a young woman, recently graduated from an Eastern college and teaching in a small New Mexico town who follows her boyfriend into joining the Druids, a pseudo-religious cult in the desert. While living in the remote arid landscape, her mind and body are controlled by the cult leaders who take away her possessions, her boyfriend, connections to her past, and even her identity by giving her a new name. After six months, with the help and love of her family, she escapes, but for the next forty years learns to live with the trauma and scars as a victim of cult mind control. Today, disparate groups and their fervent followers tout ideologies that prey on human vulnerability using mind control techniques to advance their agendas making Trapped an important book for all ages to read and discuss.
Book Synopsis Give Me Back My Children by : Ellen J. Taylor
Download or read book Give Me Back My Children written by Ellen J. Taylor and published by . This book was released on 2019 with total page 310 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: She only wanted to be a Mother to her own children-FLDS Cult leader had other plans. Sarah was born in 1979 in the FLDS compound. At eighteen, Sarah entered into an arranged marriage to Richard S Allred who was the grandson and personal bodyguard to leader Rulon Jeffs, and later Warren Jeffs. Sarah was the first of five wives and was often used to set the example. Sarah's husband was given Warren's prized daughter as his third wife who became Warren's source to control Sarah's family. As the Leadership adjusted, her world turned upside down. Rich was taken to a secret project to begin "Zion," and only those who are worthy could go. Rich came for her children, but Sarah was not worthy. She wasn't allowed to see or have contact with her children. Sarah came to realize Warren Jeffs was grooming her daughter to eventually become his wife. She wrote a letter, refusing to give permission. While traveling on a four-wheeler, the vehicle flipped and fell on her. She was in the hospital fighting for a month to survive told she would most likely be a paraplegic if she did survive.A few months later, still trying to heal from the accident, Sarah was told God no longer had a use for her. Therefore Sarah was cast out, thrown into a world she was taught to abhor and fear from birth.
Book Synopsis Escape Through the Window by : Sarah Rose
Download or read book Escape Through the Window written by Sarah Rose and published by CreateSpace. This book was released on 2013-07-26 with total page 294 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This book is the true account of how I gave my life to a cruel and criminally insane cult leader, and how I was miraculously able to take it back and emerge a stronger and more compassionate person. Escape is the first book that tells an insider's story of daily life ruled by a psychopathic cult leader. The book shows how easy it is to become brainwashed by a charismatic personality into thinking that torture, starvation, and complete isolation are essential to a spiritual life. It is also a cautionary tale for the parents and family members of anyone belonging to a cult, and for people recovering from cults, extreme religions, or abusive relationships.
Download or read book Scarred written by Sarah Edmondson and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2019-09-17 with total page 243 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: As seen in the HBO docuseries THE VOW: The shocking and subversive memoir of a 12-year-NXIVM-member-turned-whistleblower, and her inspiring true story of abuse, escape, and redemption. "'Master, would you brand me? It would be an honor.' From the second I climb onto the table, acutely aware that I am lying in the sweat of my sisters, I will have blocked that out. Lying there completely naked, I am at my most vulnerable but determined to prove my strength. I try to keep my legs closed as my body wills itself to protect my most private area. . . . I tell myself: I am a warrior. I birthed a human. I can handle pain. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the feel of this fire on my skin." Scarred is Sarah Edmondson's compelling memoir of her recruitment into the NXIVM cult, the 12 years she spent within the organization (during which she enrolled over 2,000 members and entered DOS—NXIVM's "secret sisterhood"), her breaking point, and her harrowing fight to get out, to expose Keith Raniere and the leadership, to help others, and to heal. Complete with personal photographs, Scarred is also an eye-opening story about abuses of power, female trust and friendship, and how sometimes the search to be "better" can override everything else. • In the tradition of Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman, Escape by Carolyn Jessop, and Troublemaker by Leah Remini • This tell-all follows Sarah from the moment she takes her first NXIVM seminar, to the invitation she accepts from her best friend, Lauren Salzman, into DOS, to her journey toward become a key witness in the federal case against its founders • Evokes questions about friendship, ethics, good and evil, making it a brilliant selection for book clubs Audio edition read by the author.
Book Synopsis Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir by : K. Gordon Neufeld
Download or read book Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir written by K. Gordon Neufeld and published by . This book was released on 2018-02-09 with total page 39 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mass weddings. Matching ceremonies where people meet their future spouses for the first time. Desperate flower-sellers approaching bar customers late at night. Isolated farms where young men and women are rapidly transformed into fanatical devotees of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. All these are well-known aspects of life in the cult known as the Unification Church, often called the "Moonies". In Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir, K. Gordon Neufeld recalls his own participation in all of these events in a powerful and engrossing, and occasionally wistful and tender, memoir. In Part Three, Neufeld recounts the dilemma he finds himself in after two years of study at the Unification Theological Seminary. For the first time in his cult life, he no longer feels he must obey the leaders automatically. Instead, he believes the cult's failure to achieve greater success is precisely because the cult leaders require members to repress their feelings. Neufeld resolves to be an empathetic listener and to encourage other members to express their real feelings; in short, he determines to justify his existence by love, and not by works. As he wrestles with his dilemma, he writes his thoughts down in a small diary which he keeps while in Boston. Upon his return to the Unification Theological Seminary in September, he is abruptly sent away by the Seminary leaders. Neufeld opts to go to Los Angeles to undergo Primal Therapy, a radical treatment he had investigated before he joined the Unification Church. While working with other cult members, he sets aside money for the treatment. However, during this waiting time, he is called to a gathering of members in New York, where Moon matches him up to a woman he had never met, who is now to become his eternal spouse. Yet Moon has not yet selected a date for the actual wedding ceremony, so in the interim, all the matched members must remain celibate. In Neufeld's case, he must get to know his fiancée by correspondence only, since she lives in England and Scotland. Once back in Los Angeles, Neufeld returns to his plans to undergo Primal Therapy. As time goes on, he realizes that his fiancée is deeply troubled and is at risk of leaving the cult, so he drops his therapy in order to travel to see her. There, he quickly falls in love with her. Yet his situation is impossible: the cult will not permit him to live with his new love, and she must remain in England, while he must return to Los Angeles. One year later, Neufeld is again abruptly called to attend a cult mass wedding ceremony at Madison Square Garden in New York; yet, even after the wedding ceremony, he must continue to remain celibate and to wait at least three more years before he can live with his beloved. Gradually, as his financial position becomes more and more difficult, and as his fiancée again pleads with him to visit her, Neufeld concludes that he must abandon his Primal Therapy treatment. Later, in a desperate effort to raise money to visit his fiancée, he returns to his parents' home in Canada, so he can work legally. During his time in Calgary, Neufeld remains loyal to Moon, but he finds himself in a city where no other Unification Church members live. But before he can afford the trip overseas to see his fiancée, she writes him to tell him it is over. Now, Neufeld must decide whether to remain in the cult, or to leave.
Book Synopsis House of Prayer/ Den of Thieves by : Loistene Bradeen
Download or read book House of Prayer/ Den of Thieves written by Loistene Bradeen and published by . This book was released on 2019-12-21 with total page 105 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This book is a memoir and testimony about the author's escape from an abusive cult. It provides insight and powerful lessons learned from the horrific events that took place. This book also contains real testimonies of other survivors of this same cult. All experiences shared about the cult leader, Jimmy, and how he preys on the vulnerable lives that he has influenced are eye-opening, very traumatic yet surreal, and strikingly similar to the late Jim Jones and his cult, The People's Temple. The survivors of this cult, House of Prayer, are fearful that Jimmy will follow in Jones' footsteps unto death taking his followers with him.
Book Synopsis Heartbreak and Rage by : K. Gordon Neufeld
Download or read book Heartbreak and Rage written by K. Gordon Neufeld and published by . This book was released on 2019-05-28 with total page 174 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mass weddings. Matching ceremonies where people meet their future spouses for the first time. Desperate flower-sellers approaching bar customers late at night. Isolated farms where young men and women are rapidly transformed into fanatical devotees of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. All these are well-known aspects of life in the Unification Church, often called the "Moonies." In Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir, K. Gordon Neufeld recalls his participation in all of these events in a powerful and engrossing, yet sometimes wistful and tender, memoir. Even when he was rejected by the woman Moon chose for his bride, and by the church to which he was dedicated, he refused to give up. This is an unforgettable story of persistence, devotion, love and loss. Now, in this new second edition of his memoir, Neufeld brings the reader up to date, by recounting the wonderful life and love he has found following publication of the first edition. Though the first edition ends on a pensive, yet slightly sad note, the second edition is much more reassuring, showing that even the most difficult circumstances, once endured, can lead to a life of creative fire and redeeming love.
Download or read book Educated written by Tara Westover and published by Random House. This book was released on 2018-02-20 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: #1 NEW YORK TIMES, WALL STREET JOURNAL, AND BOSTON GLOBE BESTSELLER • One of the most acclaimed books of our time: an unforgettable memoir about a young woman who, kept out of school, leaves her survivalist family and goes on to earn a PhD from Cambridge University “Extraordinary . . . an act of courage and self-invention.”—The New York Times NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY THE NEW YORK TIMES BOOK REVIEW • ONE OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S FAVORITE BOOKS OF THE YEAR • BILL GATES’S HOLIDAY READING LIST • FINALIST: National Book Critics Circle’s Award In Autobiography and John Leonard Prize For Best First Book • PEN/Jean Stein Book Award • Los Angeles Times Book Prize Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, Tara Westover was seventeen the first time she set foot in a classroom. Her family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education, and no one to intervene when one of Tara’s older brothers became violent. When another brother got himself into college, Tara decided to try a new kind of life. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge University. Only then would she wonder if she’d traveled too far, if there was still a way home. “Beautiful and propulsive . . . Despite the singularity of [Westover’s] childhood, the questions her book poses are universal: How much of ourselves should we give to those we love? And how much must we betray them to grow up?”—Vogue NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The Washington Post • O: The Oprah Magazine • Time • NPR • Good Morning America • San Francisco Chronicle • The Guardian • The Economist • Financial Times • Newsday • New York Post • theSkimm • Refinery29 • Bloomberg • Self • Real Simple • Town & Country • Bustle • Paste • Publishers Weekly • Library Journal • LibraryReads • Book Riot • Pamela Paul, KQED • New York Public Library
Download or read book Forager written by Michelle Dowd and published by Algonquin Books. This book was released on 2023-03-07 with total page 277 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A moving, heartbreaking, and inspiring true story of the author’s escape from an apocalyptic cult—and the deep understanding of the natural world that helped her find freedom. My family prepared me for the end of the world, but I know how to survive on what the earth yields. Michelle Dowd grew up on a mountain in the Angeles National Forest, born into an ultra-religious cult—the Field, as members called it—run by her grandfather, who believed that his chosen followers must prepare themselves to survive doomsday. Bound by the group’s patriarchal rules and literal interpretation of the Bible, Michelle and her siblings lived a life of deprivation, isolated from Outsiders and starved for both love and food. She was forced to learn the skills necessary to battle hunger, thirst, and cold; she learned to trust animals more than humans; and most important, she learned how to survive by foraging for what she needed. And as Michelle got older, she realized she had the strength to break free. Focus on what will sustain, not satiate you, she would tell herself. Use everything. Waste nothing. Get to know the intricacies of the land like the intricacies of your body. And so she did. With haunting and stark language, and illustrations of edible plants and their uses opening each chapter, Forager is a fierce and empowering coming-of-age story and a timely meditation on the ways in which harnessing nature’s gifts can lead to our freedom.
Book Synopsis The Son of Seven Mothers by : Benjamin Risha
Download or read book The Son of Seven Mothers written by Benjamin Risha and published by WildBlue Press. This book was released on 2021-03-23 with total page 300 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A man shares his story of growing up in a late 20th-century American cult—and how he escaped—in this gripping autobiography. As the adopted son of two cult leaders, Benjamin Risha was raised to someday assume a place of leadership in the Alamo Christian Foundation, with the Bible, and his parents’ interpretations of it, as his guide. He believed the prophecies of his adoptive mother and father, Tony and Susan Alamo, including them being the two prophets foretold in the Book of Revelations who precede the second coming of Jesus Christ, them rising from the dead after they died, and such dire warnings as the ground opening up to swallow non-believers into hell. And he was sure that Susan Alamo could raise the dead as promised. However, when none of it happened, and the foundation slid from bucolic communal lifestyle to insufferable criminality that included absolute obedience to the Alamos, and polygamous marriages with girls as young as eight years old, Benjamin knew he had to escape. If he were caught trying to escape, he would be severely beaten, forced to go without food and water for his sins, and shamed in the community. So, he embarked on a journey to locate his birth parents, discover the truth about a world he knew nothing about . . . and find himself. In The Son of Seven Mothers, Benjamin Risha takes readers on a harrowing journey that few in the United States can imagine. And eventually he must choose between the life he knows and was “chosen” to lead, and his freedom.
Book Synopsis House of Prayer/Den of Thieves by : Arlen F. Bradeen
Download or read book House of Prayer/Den of Thieves written by Arlen F. Bradeen and published by . This book was released on 2019-12-28 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This book is a memoir and testimony about the author's escape from an abusive cult. It provides insight and powerful lessons learned from the horrific events that took place. This book also contains real testimonies of other survivors of this same cult. All experiences shared about the cult leader, Jimmy, and how he preys on the vulnerable lives that he has influenced are eye-opening, very traumatic yet surreal, and strikingly similar to the late Jim Jones and his cult, The People's Temple. The survivors of this cult, House of Prayer, are fearful that Jimmy will follow in Jones' footsteps unto death taking his followers with him.
Book Synopsis Cult, A Love Story by : Alexandra Amor
Download or read book Cult, A Love Story written by Alexandra Amor and published by Fat Head Publishing. This book was released on 2009-10-01 with total page 271 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: For fans of Educated, Captive, and Leah Remini's Troublemaker comes the gripping true-life story of one young woman's accidental journey into a cult. And her escape a decade later. It's rarely obvious when a group is a cult. Most cults don't advertise themselves as such: they are groups of people who look and act just like you and me. Not dangerous. Not deranged. At least, not at first. The slide toward complete control of your personality, your thoughts, and your life is slow and virtually unnoticeable. Until it's too late. Cult, A Love Story has been studied in university classrooms, featured in an audio documentary and on podcasts, and read by cult survivors and their families all over the world, from remote British Columbia, Canada to Australia, Europe, the Middle East and beyond. In this award-winning memoir, Alexandra Amor shines a light on cults so that others might learn from her heartbreaking experience. Amor gracefully and sensitively explains how ordinary and intelligent people get seduced into joining cults, why they stay despite the emotional and psychological abuse, and what the long process of recovery looks like once someone leaves a cult. Amor's transparency about her decade-long involvement with a Vancouver, Canada cult makes this powerful and gripping book an excellent resource for those wanting to know more about how the mind control of a high demand spiritual or religious group works. In this page-turning, personal memoir you will learn: - how normal, intelligent people can, without knowing what's happening, get sucked into a cult's grip - why it's so very difficult for those in high demand groups (cults) to leave - how to evaluate whether a group you belong to is a cult - what the recovery period after a cult looks like - resources and recommendations if you know someone in a cult, or if you are in recovery from a cult yourself "This excellent memoir reveals how a charismatic, manipulative spirit medium can use love for God and neighbor as a hook to drag a small group of devotees into her cynical web of impossible goals for self-perfection. After a heroic struggle for insight, Alexandra Amor was one of the cult members who broke the abusive spell." Joesph Szimhart, Cult Information Specialist
Author :Sandra Kay Publisher :Createspace Independent Publishing Platform ISBN 13 :9781723105265 Total Pages :286 pages Book Rating :4.1/5 (52 download)
Book Synopsis The Thunderstorms of Eden by : Sandra Kay
Download or read book The Thunderstorms of Eden written by Sandra Kay and published by Createspace Independent Publishing Platform. This book was released on 2018-12-15 with total page 286 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: For decades the author did not realize the symptoms of PTSD and ADHD she was experiencing were due to the childhood trauma she was subjected to while a member of the Church of Scientology's Sea Organization. At the age of 17, as one of the first residents of the "Big Blue" (the landmark building in Los Angeles), she not only witnessed the largest FBI raid in history, she was also a member of the infamous 1977 PAC RPF (Rehabilitation Project Force) where she pulled 18-hour shifts performing heavy labor to renovate the new headquarters. What followed were years of sleepless nights as a member of the United States Guardian's Office while the Church battled the government to keep L. Ron Hubbard's wife, Mary Sue Hubbard, out of jail for her role in illegal government break-ins known as Operation Snow White. Sandra left in the 80's only to find herself haunted by the ghosts of the Church for decades. She found solidarity through her work with refugees from Cambodia and Africa and healing through her work as a photographer. She has bonded with her fellow cohorts known as the Children of Scientology, breaking the stigma of isolation so many second-generation cult survivors have struggled with. Her memoir shines the way for the children of the world who have experienced similar trauma (through genocide and war), by advancing the conversation on Adverse Childhood Experiences and how this universal crisis affects over 34 million people in the U.S. alone, transcending all racial boundaries. Her journey spans over five decades and 30 countries culminating in a truth-to-power indictment against Scientology, one of the most powerful cults in existence today, known for their celebrity followers and their well-documented attacks against their victims and critics to keep the truth from coming out. Never once has the Church taken any responsibility for their actions.
Book Synopsis Manhattan Cult Story by : Spencer Schneider
Download or read book Manhattan Cult Story written by Spencer Schneider and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2022-07-05 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “We were invisible. We had to be. We took an oath of absolute secrecy. We never even told our immediate families who we were. We went about our lives in New York City. Just like you. We were your accountants, money managers, lawyers, executive recruiters, doctors. We owned your child’s private school and sold you your brownstone. But you’d never guess our secret lives, how we lived in a kind of silent terror and fervor. There were hundreds of us.” Right under the noses of neighbors, clients, spouses, children, and friends, a secret society, simply called School—a cult of snared Manhattan professionals—has been led by the charismatic, sociopathic and dangerous leader Sharon Gans for decades. Spencer Schneider was recruited in the eighties and he stayed for more than twenty-three years as his life disintegrated, his self-esteem eroded, and he lined the pockets of Gans and her cult. Cult members met twice weekly, though they never acknowledged one another outside of meetings or gatherings. In the name of inner development, they endured the horrors of mental, sexual, and physical abuse, forced labor, arranged marriages, swindled inheritances and savings, and systematic terrorizing. Some of them broke the law. All for Gans. “During those years,” Schneider writes, “my world was School. That’s what it’s like when you’re in a cult, even one that preys on and caters to New York’s educated elite. This is my story of how I got entangled in School and how I got out.” At its core, Manhattan Cult Story is a cautionary tale of how hundreds of well-educated, savvy, and prosperous New Yorkers became fervent followers of a brilliant but demented cult leader who posed as a teacher of ancient knowledge. It’s about double-lives, the power of group psychology, and how easy it is to be radicalized—all too relevant in today's atmosphere of conspiracy and ideologue worship.
Book Synopsis Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir by : K. Gordon Neufeld
Download or read book Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir written by K. Gordon Neufeld and published by . This book was released on 2017-12-29 with total page 58 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mass weddings. Matching ceremonies where people meet their future spouses for the first time. Desperate flower-sellers approaching bar customers late at night. Isolated farms where young men and women are rapidly transformed into fanatical devotees of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. All these are well-known aspects of life in the Unification Church, often called the "Moonies". In Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir, K. Gordon Neufeld recalls his own participation in all of these events in a powerful and engrossing, and occasionally wistful and tender, memoir. Neufeld recounts his own rise in the ranks of the Unification Church to the position of a leader-in-training at the Unification Theological Seminary, a promotion that indirectly led to his growing disillusionment. Yet even when he found himself rejected by the woman Moon had chosen for his bride, and by the church to which he had been unswervingly dedicated, he refused to give up, but carried on until there was absolutely no way to continue. At last, demonstrating great courage, Neufeld broke free from his state of mental transfixion without the aid of deprogrammers. This is an unforgettable story of persistence, devotion, love and loss.Many people wonder how cults can have such power to convert capable people into dedicated cult followers. Neufeld carefully describes how cult mind control was established over him at the Boonville recruitment farm, despite his own initial resistance; and how, ultimately, he fell completely under its sway. In Part One: The Quest for Justification, Neufeld explains that he has felt a lifelong need to justify his existence. He describes his upbringing in Alberta, Canada, and his travels across Canada as a young man, ultimately settling into an English and Creative Writing program at the University of British Columbia, from which he graduated in 1976. Even though he was not considering religion as an answer to his quest for justification, when Neufeld travelled to San Francisco in 1976, he soon encountered the Creative Community Project, a local branch of Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church. Very quickly, the cult skillfully manipulated him into setting aside his own beliefs, without ever fully explaining to him what were their ultimate intentions. By the end of Part One, Neufeld has fully transitioned from a person with strong intellectual doubts about religion, to a man committed to the cult lifestyle. In the process, he is first induced to drop all plans to return home to Canada in order to live indefinitely with the Creative Community Project. Later, he is transferred to the cult's Los Angeles group without being consulted about this sudden change. Part One also provides a revealing picture of the Bay Area cult leader, who mimicked Sun Myung Moon in many of her methods, as well as in her personal magnetism, and shows how she gained the unreasoning trust and compliance of cult followers. It is a startling portrait of how the cult of personality can win over people who would normally be resistant to its power.
Book Synopsis Recovery from Cults by : Michael D. Langone
Download or read book Recovery from Cults written by Michael D. Langone and published by W. W. Norton & Company. This book was released on 1995 with total page 438 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Drawing upon the clinical expertise of professionals and the personal experiences of those formerly involved in high-intensity mind-control groups, this book is a comprehensive guide to the cult experience. Michael Langone and his colleagues provide practical guidelines for helping former cult members manage the problems they encounter when leaving cults.
Book Synopsis Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir by : K. Gordon Neufeld
Download or read book Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, a Cult Survivor's Memoir written by K. Gordon Neufeld and published by . This book was released on 2018-03-29 with total page 36 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Part Four, Neufeld describes his final years as a member of the cult known as the Unification Church (often called the "Moonies"). Neufeld now finds himself in an isolated situation, living in Canada far away from any other church members. Worse, he is also single again. The woman he had "married" (it was never a legal marriage), at a mass wedding officiated by the Reverend Sun Myung Moon in 1982, had decided to break off their long-distance relationship. Because of cult rules, he had always lived apart from her, but with this decision, their separation was made permanent. Now, Neufeld must decide whether to return to active involvement in the cult (although, of course, he denies that the Unification Church is a cult), or to leave the group once and for all. Despite his loss, which he feels deeply, Neufeld determines to carry on. Instead of justifying himself through love, he decides that he will justify his existence through sheer perseverance in the face of his loneliness and loss. He makes an attempt to return to active involvement in the cult by moving to Toronto, where he hopes to work with other members while having an outside job and home. But he is rebuffed by the Toronto church leader, who does not understand this independence. Since Neufeld desperately desires to marry again, but continues to believe the cult teaching which states that only Sun Myung Moon can sanctify a marriage, he casts about for some other way to remain a member of the Unification Church. Finally, he decides to make one more effort to stay involved in the cult, by moving to Montana, where he plans to live and work with the members, without setting any conditions about having an outside job or home. Throughout Part Four, Neufeld repeatedly attempts to remain in the cult, yet finds he is becoming more and more dispirited by its sheer inflexibility. In the final chapter, he recounts his remaining days as a cult member until he is able, at last, to find justification for his existence some other way, by embracing the mystery of "not knowing." In a riveting epilogue, titled "Caught Between Two Worlds," Neufeld describes how he gradually readjusted to life in a world that had become strange to him, and how he very nearly returned to the cult at one point, only to opt instead to pursue his lifelong dream to become a writer. And, in a new epilogue to the Second Edition, titled "Home," Neufeld recounts what has transpired since his book's original publication in 2002, and how the publication of the First Edition led to his meeting and marrying the woman of his dreams.
