Finding A Partner

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The Angry Therapist

Author : John Kim
Publisher : Parallax Press
ISBN 13 : 1941529623
Total Pages : 170 pages
Book Rating : 4.9/5 (415 download)

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Book Synopsis The Angry Therapist by : John Kim

Download or read book The Angry Therapist written by John Kim and published by Parallax Press. This book was released on 2017-04-18 with total page 170 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Tackling relationships, career, and family issues, John Kim, LMFT, thinks of himself as a life-styledesigner, not a therapist. His radical new approach, that he sometimes calls “self-help in a shot glass” is easy, real, and to the point. He helps people make changes to their lives so that personal growth happens organically, just by living. Let’s face it, therapy is a luxury. Few of us have the time or money to devote to going to an office every week. With anecdotes illustrating principles in action (in relatable and sometimes irreverent fashion) and stand-alone practices and exercises, Kim gives readers the tools and directions to focus on what's right with them instead of what's wrong. When John Kim was going through the end of a relationship, he began blogging as The Angry Therapist, documenting his personal journey post-divorce. Traditional therapists avoid transparency, but Kim preferred the language of "me too" as opposed to "you should." He blogged about his own shortcomings, revelations, views on relationships, and the world. He spoke a different therapeutic language —open, raw, and at times subversive — and people responded. The Angry Therapist blog, that inspired this book, has been featured in The Atlantic Monthly and on NPR.

How to Not Die Alone

Author : Logan Ury
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1982120649
Total Pages : 352 pages
Book Rating : 4.9/5 (821 download)

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Book Synopsis How to Not Die Alone by : Logan Ury

Download or read book How to Not Die Alone written by Logan Ury and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2021-02-02 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

The Love List

Author : Elena Murzello
Publisher : iUniverse
ISBN 13 : 1491700718
Total Pages : 111 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (917 download)

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Book Synopsis The Love List by : Elena Murzello

Download or read book The Love List written by Elena Murzello and published by iUniverse. This book was released on 2013-09 with total page 111 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Elena Murzello cannot imagine going to the grocery store without a list. As she strolls through the aisles, she relies on her list to make sure she gets her must-haves and to help keep her from grabbing items she does not need. It was with this theory in mind that, at age twenty-one, she created a list of characteristics for a potential lifelong mate that still guides her love choices to this day. In The Love List, Elena shares her real- life experiences as well as information gathered from more than a hundred single, divorced, and married men and women about the qualities they look for in a life partner. Abstracting details from her interviews she created a process that anyone can use to create his or her own lists. Along with introspective questions to ponder, Elena includes sample lists of characteristics, the top three traits both men and women seek in a partner, an exploration of different types of relationships, and ways to diversify a portfolio of suitors. The Love List provides practical tips and personal stories to encourage single people to look deep within, take risks, and learn to rely on their own unique lists while searching for the perfect mate.

Modern Romance

Author : Aziz Ansari
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 0143109251
Total Pages : 290 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (431 download)

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Book Synopsis Modern Romance by : Aziz Ansari

Download or read book Modern Romance written by Aziz Ansari and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2016-06-14 with total page 290 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The #1 New York Times Bestseller “An engaging look at the often head-scratching, frequently infuriating mating behaviors that shape our love lives.” —Refinery 29 A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from Aziz Ansari, the star of Master of None and one of this generation’s sharpest comedic voices At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated? Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate. For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before. In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.

Magnetic Partners

Author : Stephen Betchen
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1439109540
Total Pages : 242 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (391 download)

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Book Synopsis Magnetic Partners by : Stephen Betchen

Download or read book Magnetic Partners written by Stephen Betchen and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2010-05-18 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a "master conflict." The fact that a couple shares a master conflict acts as an almost magnetic force of attraction, but, over time, master conflicts often begin to push a pair apart—many of the very things you most appreciated about each other start to grate on you, producing increasing hostility. The good news is that by identifying the master conflict that you share, you and your partner can take the steps to break the cycle of fighting and come to a new place of understanding and happiness in your relationship. Often, just the realization that you have this hidden conflict acts as a powerful cure, allowing you to appreciate each other once again and to be empathetic about the things that have been irritating you both. From his years of work with couples, Betchen has identified the nineteen most common master conflicts—such as getting your needs met vs. caretaking; giving vs. withholding; commitment vs. freedom; power vs. passivity—and for each he provides vivid stories of couples who have struggled with them, as well as simple tests that help you to: • Identify the core master conflict that is causing your relationship problems • Understand the origins of your conflict and how it drew you to your partner • Diagnose how the conflict is now pushing you apart • Come to new terms with the conflict to save your relationship As Dr. Betchen writes, knowledge of a master conflict is power, and Magnetic Partners is an empowering guide that will help you not only to identify and control your master conflict, but also to bring your relationship to a new level based on deeper understanding, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and long-term resilience. Partners

How to Choose a Partner

Author : Susan Quilliam
Publisher : Picador
ISBN 13 : 1250078709
Total Pages : 192 pages
Book Rating : 4.2/5 (5 download)

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Book Synopsis How to Choose a Partner by : Susan Quilliam

Download or read book How to Choose a Partner written by Susan Quilliam and published by Picador. This book was released on 2017-01-03 with total page 192 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: We don’t have all the answers—but we can help you choose a partner. Choosing a romantic partner is one of contemporary life’s biggest adventures. But other aspects of modern living—being globally more mobile, a fall in religious belief, social liberalization, and more job opportunities (but longer working hours)—mean relationships have rarely been so challenging, and so important. In How to Choose a Partner, Susan Quilliam guides us through the process of finding the right partner for us as individuals. The real challenge is that we grow. Drawing upon rich cultural material, psychology, and her background in relationship therapy, Susan presents partner choice as a journey toward self-development, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, and about life and the way we want to live.

Finding a Partner And It May Be You

Author : Jo Ann Lordahl
Publisher : iUniverse
ISBN 13 : 0595369901
Total Pages : 225 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (953 download)

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Book Synopsis Finding a Partner And It May Be You by : Jo Ann Lordahl

Download or read book Finding a Partner And It May Be You written by Jo Ann Lordahl and published by iUniverse. This book was released on 2005-09-01 with total page 225 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Society says: Too many women, too few guys. Finding your perfect man is nearly impossible. You're a failure without a husband. Women of a 'certain age" should disappear! Don't notice lies authorities tell you. You are powerless. Take care of others first. Don't boss or make waves. Enlightened women say: Age is only a number-and mine is unlisted! If no one else gives me value, I give it to myself. I own and love designing my life. I learn what I want and go, heartfully, after it. Motherhood is a season in the life of a woman. I follow the truth of my soul and the truth of my being. This is the best of times-so many choices. I have learned to say no. My good heart, positive mind and healthy body are my greatest assets. Would you marry yourself? Once again, Jo Ann Lordahl lives and writes the book she wants to read.

The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Author : Eli J. Finkel
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 1101984341
Total Pages : 354 pages
Book Rating : 4.1/5 (19 download)

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Book Synopsis The All-or-Nothing Marriage by : Eli J. Finkel

Download or read book The All-or-Nothing Marriage written by Eli J. Finkel and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2019-01-08 with total page 354 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...”—Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss. The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages—from the “traditional” to the utterly nontraditional—and shows how any marriage can be better. The primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one oriented toward self-discover, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try “lovehacks.” This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today.

Finding the Love of Your Life

Author : Neil Clark Warren
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 0671892010
Total Pages : 180 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (718 download)

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Book Synopsis Finding the Love of Your Life by : Neil Clark Warren

Download or read book Finding the Love of Your Life written by Neil Clark Warren and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 1992 with total page 180 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In 25 years of counseling couples, Dr. Neil Clark Warren discovered that marriages most often fail because people simply choose the wrong person to marry. In this Gold Medallion award-winner, an 11-month Christian Booksellers Association bestseller, Dr. Clark shares ten proven principles for finding the perfect mate.

Real Love in Dating

Author : Greg Baer
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9781892319173
Total Pages : 227 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (191 download)

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Book Synopsis Real Love in Dating by : Greg Baer

Download or read book Real Love in Dating written by Greg Baer and published by . This book was released on 2005 with total page 227 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Naked!

Author : David Wygant
Publisher : Hay House, Inc
ISBN 13 : 140193398X
Total Pages : 218 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (19 download)

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Book Synopsis Naked! by : David Wygant

Download or read book Naked! written by David Wygant and published by Hay House, Inc. This book was released on 2012-01-15 with total page 218 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Are you sick and tired of trying to make your relationships work? Have you had enough of putting your own needs and desires on the back burner while you try to fulfill those of someone else? Here's the reality of the situation: dating is not about trying to make things work, and it's not about putting off the things you want. What dating is all about is finding the person who is the best match for you. The problem is that too many people aren't willing to get naked, that is, to be honest with themselves and with their prospective mates. They hide who they really are inside, become frustrated with their partners, and then the relationship ends up on the rocks. Imagine how easy dating would be if you knew exactly who you were dating from the get-go, and the other person knew the same thing. In this informative book, dating expert David Wygant takes you on a journey that will change your life forever. David will help you conquer your relationship fears and insecurities once and for all and attract the kind of people you want to meet, date, and build long-term relationships with. Being single and dating means that you have the freedom to meet the right person, and the power to finally get it right. Being single can be the most amazing adventure if you're willing to reveal the real you-both to yourself and to others. Within these pages, you will discover how to use the Law of Attraction in dating to your advantage, how to speak from your heart, how to understand exactly what you want out of life, and how to communicate honestly-with yourself and with your mate. By the time you're done reading, you'll be naked, too-and you'll be well on your way to finding your perfect partner.

Finding a Mate in the 21st Century

Author : Peter Friedlander
Publisher : iUniverse
ISBN 13 : 0595205305
Total Pages : 169 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (952 download)

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Book Synopsis Finding a Mate in the 21st Century by : Peter Friedlander

Download or read book Finding a Mate in the 21st Century written by Peter Friedlander and published by iUniverse. This book was released on 2001 with total page 169 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An informative guide to successful strategies for finding your ideal mate under the new, increasingly competitive conditions. Discover all the ways to find a mate: new, old, hi-tech, aggressive, conservative, daring, here and abroad.

Wired for Love

Author : Stan Tatkin
Publisher : New Harbinger Publications
ISBN 13 : 1648482988
Total Pages : 332 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (484 download)

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Book Synopsis Wired for Love by : Stan Tatkin

Download or read book Wired for Love written by Stan Tatkin and published by New Harbinger Publications. This book was released on 2024-06-01 with total page 332 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together." —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop "Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges." —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection.

How to Fall in Love with Anyone

Author : Mandy Len Catron
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1501137468
Total Pages : 211 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (11 download)

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Book Synopsis How to Fall in Love with Anyone by : Mandy Len Catron

Download or read book How to Fall in Love with Anyone written by Mandy Len Catron and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2017-06-27 with total page 211 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “A beautifully written and well-researched cultural criticism as well as an honest memoir” (Los Angeles Review of Books) from the author of the popular New York Times essay, “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This,” explores the romantic myths we create and explains how they limit our ability to achieve and sustain intimacy. What really makes love last? Does love ever work the way we say it does in movies and books and Facebook posts? Or does obsessing over those love stories hurt our real-life relationships? When her parents divorced after a twenty-eight year marriage and her own ten-year relationship ended, those were the questions that Mandy Len Catron wanted to answer. In a series of candid, vulnerable, and wise essays that takes a closer look at what it means to love someone, be loved, and how we present our love to the world, “Catron melds science and emotion beautifully into a thoughtful and thought-provoking meditation” (Bookpage). She delves back to 1944, when her grandparents met in a coal mining town in Appalachia, to her own dating life as a professor in Vancouver. She uses biologists’ research into dopamine triggers to ask whether the need to love is an innate human drive. She uses literary theory to show why we prefer certain kinds of love stories. She urges us to question the unwritten scripts we follow in relationships and looks into where those scripts come from. And she tells the story of how she decided to test an experiment that she’d read about—where the goal was to create intimacy between strangers using a list of thirty-six questions—and ended up in the surreal situation of having millions of people following her brand-new relationship. “Perfect fodder for the romantic and the cynic in all of us” (Booklist), How to Fall in Love with Anyone flips the script on love. “Clear-eyed and full of heart, it is mandatory reading for anyone coping with—or curious about—the challenges of contemporary courtship” (The Toronto Star).

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others

Author : John T. Molloy
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
ISBN 13 : 0446554138
Total Pages : 138 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (465 download)

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Book Synopsis Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by : John T. Molloy

Download or read book Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others written by John T. Molloy and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2008-12-14 with total page 138 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A groundbreaking book--based on years of the same thorough research that made the "Dress For Success" books national bestsellers--about how women can statistically improve their chances of getting married.

Divorced Girl Smiling

Author : Jackie Pilossoph
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9781311023445
Total Pages : pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (234 download)

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Book Synopsis Divorced Girl Smiling by : Jackie Pilossoph

Download or read book Divorced Girl Smiling written by Jackie Pilossoph and published by . This book was released on 2014 with total page pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Smile! It's not just the end of your marriage, it's the beginning of your second chance!Missy Benson has a two and a half carat diamond engagement ring with color grade H, VS2 clarity and a value of $36,000. It's absolutely gorgeous, practically flawless, and let's be honest, really big!But what the successful Chicago realtor doesn't have anymore is a husband. After 12 years of marriage, her husband, Paul, a handsome, wealthy attorney has devastated her by breaking up their marriage for Priscilla Sommerfeld, a young, personal trainer, who according to Missy's sassy assistant, J.J., looks more like a Las Vegas stripper than a fitness expert.Not sure what to do with her ring, and with no financial issues to worry about, Missy decides to put it up for sale on Craigslist. The price: 99 cents! The catch: She gets to pick the buyer. In essence, she's looking for the perfect guy, but not for herself. Her hope is to regain faith that good men do exist, and that marriages can last forever.Now referring to herself as "the divorced girl," Missy interviews dozens of young men who are vying for the huge ring. It's a contest that includes outrageous characters, hilarious and sentimental stories, and two finalists, both of whom Missy adores and who she must choose between. Then there's Parker Missoni, the sexiest contestant by far, who drives her crazy with his brutal honesty, and at the same time stops her heart with his deep brown eyes.Divorced Girl Smiling is the story of a woman's journey to do whatever it takes to heal herself from divorce. It's about acceptance, reflection, taking accountability for mistakes, and appreciating all of life's wonderful gifts. In other words, if you have the guts to put the past behind, admit your mistakes, embrace your future, and give love another chance, you will surely be a divorced girl smiling.

Eight Dates

Author : John Gottman
Publisher : Workman Publishing
ISBN 13 : 1523504463
Total Pages : 241 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (235 download)

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Book Synopsis Eight Dates by : John Gottman

Download or read book Eight Dates written by John Gottman and published by Workman Publishing. This book was released on 2019-02-05 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Whether you’re newly together and eager to make it work or a longtime couple looking to strengthen and deepen your bond, Eight Dates offers a program of how, why, and when to have eight basic conversations with your partner that can result in a lifetime of love. “Happily ever after” is not by chance, it’s by choice– the choice each person in a relationship makes to remain open, remain curious, and, most of all, to keep talking to one another. From award-winning marriage researcher and bestselling author Dr. John Gottman and fellow researcher Julie Gottman, Eight Dates offers an ingenious and simple-to-implement approach to effective relationship communication. Here are the subjects that every serious couple should discuss: Trust. Family. Sex and intimacy. Dealing with conflict. Work and money. Dreams, and more. And here is how to talk about them—how to broach subjects that are difficult or embarrassing, how to be brave enough to say what you really feel. There are also suggestions for where and when to go on each date—book your favorite romantic restaurant for the Sex & Intimacy conversation (and maybe go to a yoga or dance class beforehand). There are questionnaires, innovative exercises, real-life case studies, and skills to master, including the Four Skills of Intimate Conversation and the Art of Listening. Because making love last is not about having a certain feeling—it’s about both of you being active and involved.