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Dirty Bertie An English King Made In France
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Book Synopsis Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2014-05-22 with total page 400 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel, in defiance of an official English ban on his visit. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that as 'Dirty Bertie', Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.
Book Synopsis A Year in the Merde by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book A Year in the Merde written by Stephen Clarke and published by Black Swan/Carousel/Corgi. This book was released on 2005 with total page 388 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job and finds out what the French are really like.They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don t wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike re
Book Synopsis 1000 Years of Annoying the French by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book 1000 Years of Annoying the French written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2015 with total page 770 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: NEW UPDATED EDITION Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Did the French write "God Save the Queen"? Non! But that's what they claim. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066 ... Featuring new annoyances - both historical and recent - inflicted on the French, including Napoleon's "banned" chamber pot, Louis XIV's painful operation, Anglo-French jibes during the 2012 London Olympics, French niggles about William and Kate's royal wedding, and much more ...
Book Synopsis How the French Won Waterloo - or Think They Did by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book How the French Won Waterloo - or Think They Did written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2015-06-04 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Published in the 200th Anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, the French are still in denial. If Napoleon lost on 18 June 1815 (and that's a big 'if'), then whoever rules the universe got it wrong. As soon as the cannons stopped firing, French historians began re-writing history. The Duke of Wellington was beaten, they say, and then the Prussians jumped into the boxing ring, breaking all the rules of battle. In essence, the French cannot bear the idea that Napoleon, their greatest-ever national hero, was in any way a loser. Especially not against the traditional enemy – les Anglais. Stephen Clarke has studied the French version of Waterloo, as told by battle veterans, novelists, historians – right up to today's politicians, and he has uncovered a story of pain, patriotism and sheer perversion ...
Book Synopsis The Prince and the Assassin by : Steve Harris
Download or read book The Prince and the Assassin written by Steve Harris and published by Melbourne Books. This book was released on 2018-09-01 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The engrossing real life story of how Queen Victoria's favourite son, Prince Alfred, undertook the most ambitious Royal tour, only for Australia's overwhelming joy of having the first Royal on its shores jolted by his decadent behaviour, then shocked by an attempted assassination by a man trained as a priest. The British Empire's youngest and most distant outpost found itself at the epicentre of a new crime and empirical fears about the first inter-continental terrorist group, a conspiracy and a 'lone wolf '. In a resulting 'reign of terror' extraordinary steps were taken to safeguard security with laws on treason and sedition which even the Queen felt went too far, and the would-be assassin was hastily executed in a miscarriage of justice led by opportunistic politicians. This is an extraordinary and atmospheric weaving of the stories - some detailed for the first time - of royal intrigue, sexual appetite, religious bigotry, patriotic vengeance, naked ambition, national security and moral panic. They are stories of royals, immigrants, archbishops, republicans and the founding fathers of Australia and issues that remain with us today. Drawing on Royal, British and Australian archives, the compelling narrative embraces a pivotal time in the evolution of Australia, and on the 150th anniversary reveals how a minute of madness rocked the country to its foundations, with a legacy which helped shape Australia's history and continues to influence and challenge us today. Revelations & insights in The Prince and the Assassin:- Prince Alfred's spare heir upbringing as 'the chosen one' and prospective King of Australia- Sexually decadent royal behaviour- An historic tour which became the model for 50 subsequent royal tours to Australia- Religious bigotry, violence and death in early Australia- How a young migrant trained and destined to be a priest became an assassin- How the biggest crime in Australia shocked, shamed, terrorised and divided the country- How Henry Parkes, 'founder of federation', suppressed and doctored evidence, hired private spies and criminals for political advantage- Australia suppressing civil liberties, even making it a crime of treason to discuss republicanism and to not drink a toast to the Queen- Australian Catholics accused of disloyalty and an Archbishop conspiring against the Government- Australia's most sensational trial, one of injustice and vengeance for a crime not on the Empire's capital list- Alfred appealing for his would-be killer to not be executed- An Australian Government accused of promoting fear for political advantage and committing treason and fraud
Book Synopsis The Merde Factor by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book The Merde Factor written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2012-09-13 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going très wrong: He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike - and it could be all his fault. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...
Book Synopsis The French Revolution and What Went Wrong by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book The French Revolution and What Went Wrong written by Stephen Clarke and published by Arrow. This book was released on 2019-07-11 with total page 592 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the Frenchand A Year in the Merde. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it's surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.
Download or read book Merde Actually written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2008-09-04 with total page 450 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions: _________________ What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss's mistress? In his second comedy of errors, Paul West opens an English tearoom, and mutates (temporarily) into a Parisian waiter. Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. But will Paul find l'amour éternel, or will it all end in merde? Author's apology: 'I'd just like to say sorry to all the suppository fans out there, because in this book there are no suppositories. There are, however, lots of courgettes, and I see this as progress. Suppositories to courgettes - I think it proves that I'm developing as a writer.' Stephen Clarke
Book Synopsis A Brief History of the Future by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book A Brief History of the Future written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2011-07-07 with total page 434 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out ... Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk's Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven. Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine? For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...
Book Synopsis Talk to the snail by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book Talk to the snail written by Stephen Clarke and published by Black Swan. This book was released on 2007-02-07 with total page 262 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Have You Ever Walked Into A Half-Empty Restaurant In France, Only To Be Told That It S Complet? Attempted To Say Merci Beaucoup And Accidentally Complimented Someone On Their Cute Backside? Been Taken To What You Ve Been Assured Is The Perfect House Deep In The Countryside, Only To Find There S No Electricity Or Running Water? If The Answer To Any Of The Above Is Oui , Talk To The Snail Is The Book For You.Find Out How To Get Served In A Restaurant; Learn To Be Exquisitely Polite And Brutally Rude At The Same Time; Discover The Language Of Love, Sex And Suppositories (Not Necessarily In That Order). It S All Here In This Funny, Informative, Seriously Useful Guide On How To Get What You Really Want From The French.With Advice On Essential Phrases And Bons Mots To Cover All Eventualities, And Illustrated With Witty Real-Life Anecdotes, Talk To The Snail Is A Book That No Self-Respecting Francophile Or Francophobe - Can Afford To Be Without.
Download or read book Paris Revealed written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2012 with total page 324 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Paris, one of the most visited cities in the world. But do you know...Which is the most romantic spot to say 'je't'aime' ? And the sexiest ? Where to see fantastic art, away from all the crowds ? Why Parisian men feel compelled to pee in the street ? How to choose a hotel room where you might actually get a good night's sleep ? Stephen Clarke goes behind the scenes to reveal everything Parisians know about their city, but don't want to tell you.
Download or read book Merde Happens written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2008-09-04 with total page 386 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job: _________________ It involves him touring America in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Also in the car is Paul's French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend, Jake, whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. But as the little car battles from New York to Miami, leg-room turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged, his tour plans are in tatters, and his love life becomes a Franco-American war zone. And as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war - merde happens...
Download or read book Merde Happens written by Stephen Clarke and published by Black Swan/Carousel/Corgi. This book was released on 2008-03-24 with total page 386 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him touring America in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British.Also in the car is Paul s French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American
Book Synopsis Talk to the Snail by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book Talk to the Snail written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2008-09-04 with total page 273 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Have you been taken to what you've been assured is the perfect house deep in the French countryside, only to find there's no electricity or running water? Gone to the doctor with a nasty cough, and been diagnosed with a rather more personal complaint? Walked into an half-empty restaurant, only to be told that it's complet? If the answer to any of the above is oui, Talk to the Snail is the book for you.Find out how to get served in a restaurant; the best way to deal with French hypochondria; learn the language of love, sex and suppositories (not necessarily in that order); it's all here in this funny, informative, seriously useful guide on how to get what you really want from the French. With advice on essential phrases and bons mots to cover all eventualities, and illustrated with witty real-life anecdotes, Talk to the Snail is a book that no self-respecting Francophile - or Francophobe - can afford to be without. Don't go to France without reading this book. And don't even think of buying a house there.
Book Synopsis Dial M For Merde by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book Dial M For Merde written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2008-12-02 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Paul West has just received an offer he can't refuse: _________________ Two weeks in the sun. All expenses paid. With a beautiful blonde called Gloria Monday. But it soon becomes obvious that Gloria, or M as she likes to be known, has bigger fish to fry. Meanwhile Paul is asked to cater his best friend’s wedding. Cooking for the French is a risky assignment at the best of times, but Paul assures the bride that nothing can go wrong. Or can it? When Paul discovers that M's real target is the French president, and that he's coming to Elodie's wedding, he realises that the merde is about to hit the fan...
Download or read book Merde in Europe written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2016-05-05 with total page 354 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: One Brit in Brussels. Two French Women. And a whole lot of merde. The hilarious new novel from Stephen Clarke, bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and A Thousand Years of Annoying the French. Does Brussels really want to outlaw bingo, bagpipes and smoky bacon crisps? Are eurocrats trying to rename the English Channel? And can the ink in euro notes really make men impotent? No. Well, not exactly. But it is true that the EU is a seriously flawed institution. And it's about to become even more so as Englishman Paul West goes to Brussels to work for a French MEP, and gets an insider's view of what really goes on in the massive madhouse that is the EU Parliament. As Britain prepares to vote whether it stays in or exits the EU, Paul gets the chance to influence the result of the referendum. He has to decide: better the devil you know? Or bring on the Brexit? It's a decision that could cost him a lot more than his euro paypacket . . .
Book Synopsis Annoying The French Encore! by : Stephen Clarke
Download or read book Annoying The French Encore! written by Stephen Clarke and published by Random House. This book was released on 2012-08-16 with total page 42 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR Bonjour cher reader, Ever since European history began, we Brits have been happily engaged in our national pastime - annoying the French. And the past couple of years have shown that this annoying never stops. To give just three examples: After a mid-Atlantic collision between French and British nuclear submarines, France's Minister of Defence seemed to blame the accident on ... shrimps. When French political superstar Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested in New York, France's establishment was outraged. It soon emerged that sexual harassment was regarded as a basic human right by the country's male élite. (This theme provided so much excellent material that I decided to include it in the plot of my soon-to-be published novel, The Merde Factor.) And when David Cameron walked out of a Eurosummit, a French politician accused him of being 'like a man at a wife-swapping party who refuses to bring his own wife.' Yes, a very French image, and it just one of the many anti-Anglais insults that came flying across the Channel. You will find all this, and much more, in Annoying the French Encore! Because, for the French, the merde never ends. Yours historically, Stephen Clarke, Paris, August 2012 ‘Tremendously entertaining’ Sunday Times ‘Relentlessly and energetically rude’ Mail on Sunday
