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Boogers Are My Beat
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Download or read book Boogers Are My Beat written by Dave Barry and published by Crown. This book was released on 2004-09-28 with total page 255 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The New York Times calls him “the funniest man in America,” and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: • The scientific search for the world’s funniest joke (you can bet it includes the word “weasel”) • RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot • Outwitting “smart” kitchen appliances and service contracts • Elections in Florida (“You can’t spell Florida without ‘duh’”) • The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating • The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui • The choice between death and taxes And much, much more—including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11. Dave Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988, and his columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh. Also available as an eBook
Download or read book Big Trouble written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2010-07-06 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt's intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny's alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid's room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur's embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
Book Synopsis I'll Mature When I'm Dead by : Dave Barry
Download or read book I'll Mature When I'm Dead written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2011-04-05 with total page 290 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I'll Mature When I'm Dead is the New York Times bestseller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey to adulthood a little easier—and a lot funnier. Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Dave Barry will help through this process—with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood, and even vampires!
Book Synopsis Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster) by : Dave Barry
Download or read book Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster) written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2016-09-06 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Now in paperback from the Pulitzer Prize winner, the hilarious New York Times–bestselling exploration of what generations can teach one another—or not. During the course of his life, Dave Barry has learned much of wisdom, and he is eager to pass it on. Among other brilliant, brand-new pieces, Dave shares home truths with his new grandson and his daughter Sophie; explores the hometown of his youth, where all the parents seemed to be having un-Mad Men–like fun; and dives into firsthand accounts of the soccer craziness of Brazil and the just plain crazy craziness of Vladimir Putin’s Russia.
Download or read book Insane City written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2013-01-29 with total page 357 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute…
Book Synopsis Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys by : Dave Barry
Download or read book Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys written by Dave Barry and published by Ballantine Books. This book was released on 1996-04-09 with total page 225 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Dave Barry is one funny human." --San Francisco Examiner For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you're a guy--or if you're attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more "Whether you're a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you." --USA Today
Book Synopsis Feature and Magazine Writing by : David E. Sumner
Download or read book Feature and Magazine Writing written by David E. Sumner and published by John Wiley & Sons. This book was released on 2011-08-24 with total page 349 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This fully revised and updated edition of Feature and Magazine Writing covers everything from finding original ideas to locating expert sources. With fresh perspectives and advice from professional writers and editors, this colorfully-written introduction is required reading for anyone who wishes to become a strong feature writer. Includes chapters on connecting content to the calendar, writing for online publications, trends, issues and controversies, and writing dramatic stories New chapters in this edition include 'How To Find A Magazine Job', 'Last Chance: The Final Draft', and 'Writing for Trades, Associations and Organizations' New sections in this edition include 'Improving Your Pizzazz and 'Original Research = Original Articles'
Book Synopsis You Can Date Boys When You're Forty by : Dave Barry
Download or read book You Can Date Boys When You're Forty written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin Group. This book was released on 2015-03-03 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If there’s one thing that New York Times bestselling author and Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Dave Barry is an expert on, it’s raising a daughter. …which means he’s not an expert on much considering the breadth of his knowledge on that subject fills only a single chapter of a book. However, what Dave Barry is good at is giving unsolicited advice on topics he’s definitively not an expert on. In fact, he now has an entire book filled with guidance on things he knows nothing about, including: surviving in the wild, wooing women, cremation, maintaining a scintillating conversation, Justin Bieber, the U.S. Postal Service, enduring the TSA, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and, most obviously, being a professional author. With trademark wit and unmatched insight into the insanity of everyday life, Dave Barry presents a series of hilarious, never-before-published essays on the trials and tribulations of living and laughing in the modern age.
Download or read book Lessons From Lucy written by Dave Barry and published by Simon & Schuster. This book was released on 2020-11-03 with total page 240 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In this “little gem” (Washington Independent Review of Books), Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist and New York Times bestselling author Dave Barry learns how to age happily from his old but joyful dog, Lucy. As Dave Barry turns seventy—not happily—he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones—which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world’s oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it’s okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.) Lessons From Lucy shows readers a new side to Dave Barry that’s “touching and sentimental, but there’s still a laugh on every page” (The Sacramento Bee). The master humorist has written a witty and affable guide to joyous living at any age.
Download or read book Best. State. Ever. written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2017-09-05 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A New York Times bestseller—a brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, “What the hell is wrong with Florida?” Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Join him as he goes in hunt of the legendary Skunk Ape; hobnobs with the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs; and visits Cassadaga, the psychic capital of the world, to have his dog's aura read (apparently, she's "very spiritual"). Hitch a ride for the non-stop thrills of alligator-wrestling ("the gators display the same fighting spirit as a Barcalounger"), the hair-raising spectacle of a clothing-optional bar in Key West, and the manly manliness of the Machine Gun Experience in Miami. It's the most hilarious book yet from “the funniest damn writer in the whole country” (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you'll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida—you can never say it's boring.
Download or read book Swamp Story written by Dave Barry and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2024-05-07 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Pulitzer Prize–winning and New York Times bestselling author—and actual Florida Man—Dave Barry returns with a “hilariously funny” (Steve Martin) caper full of oddballs and more twists and turns than a snake slithering away from a gator. Jesse Braddock is trapped in a tiny cabin deep in the Everglades with her infant daughter and her ex-boyfriend, a wannabe reality TV star who turned out to be a lot prettier on the outside than on the inside. Broke and desperate for a way out, Jesse stumbles across a long-lost treasure, which could solve all her problems—if she can figure out how to keep it. The problem is some very bad men are also looking for the treasure, and they know Jesse has it. Meanwhile, Ken Bortle of Bortle Brothers Bait and Beer has hatched a scheme to lure tourists to his failing store by making viral videos of the “Everglades Melon Monster.” The Monster is, in fact, an unemployed alcoholic newspaperman named Phil wearing a Dora the Explorer costume head. Incredibly, this plan actually works, inspiring a horde of TikTokers to swarm into the swamp in search of the Monster at the same time villains are on the hunt for Jesse’s treasure. Amid this mayhem, a presidential hopeful arrives in the Everglades to start his campaign. Needless to say, it does not go as planned. In fact, nothing in this story goes as planned. This is, after all, Florida.
Book Synopsis Dave Barry's Money Secrets by : Dave Barry
Download or read book Dave Barry's Money Secrets written by Dave Barry and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2006-01-17 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.
Download or read book Neverisms written by Dr. Mardy Grothe and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 525 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From Mardy Grothe, the author of Ifferisms,Oxymoronica,and I Never Met a Metaphor IDidn’t Like, comes a new collection of witty and wise quotations about what never to do in life. Remember, “never let the fear of striking out get in your way” (BabeRuth), "never hit anyone if you can help it, but never hit soft"(Theodore Roosevelt); "never be afraid tosit awhile and think" (Lorraine Hansberry); and, of course, neverleave home without the perfect quote for any occasion from Dr. Mardy’s Neverisms.
Book Synopsis Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy Part Two by : Dav Pilkey
Download or read book Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy Part Two written by Dav Pilkey and published by Scholastic UK. This book was released on 2014-01-09 with total page 173 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Just when George and Harold thought they'd saved the world again - Here come the Robo-Boogers! Disgusting and dangerous robots made of SNOT, they will cover the whole earth in a river of green and gluey bogey. It's lucky that Captain Underpants is standing by, with the power of underwear on his side and his hankie to hand!
Book Synopsis Ahmed the Philosopher by : Alain Badiou
Download or read book Ahmed the Philosopher written by Alain Badiou and published by Columbia University Press. This book was released on 2014-04-29 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: English-speaking readers might be surprised to learn that Alain Badiou writes fiction and plays along with his philosophical works and that they are just as important to understanding his larger intellectual project. In Ahmed the Philosopher, BadiouÕs most entertaining and accessible play, translated into English here for the first time, readers are introduced to BadiouÕs philosophy through a theatrical tour de force that has met with much success in France. Ahmed the Philosopher presents its comic hero, the Òtreacherous servantÓ Ahmed, as a seductively trenchant philosopher even as it casts philosophy itself as a comic performance. The comedy unfolds as a series of lessons, with each Òshort playÓ or sketch illuminating a different Badiousian concept. Yet Ahmed does more than illustrate philosophical abstractions; he embodies and vivifies the theatrical and performative aspects of philosophy, mobilizing a comic energy that exposes the emptiness and pomp of the world. Through his example, the audience is moved to a living engagement with philosophy, discovering in it the power to break through the limits of everyday life.
Book Synopsis Blinded by the Broken Compass by : Shane Steinhart
Download or read book Blinded by the Broken Compass written by Shane Steinhart and published by Writers Republic LLC. This book was released on 2023-01-24 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From high jinks on the high seas, to war and despair, Shane Steinhart has lived it all. Five deployments on five aircraft carriers, two Naval ratings, crossing the equator twice, and circling the globe, Shane has truly "Searched the world over, looking for a better beer." From the harsh challenges of boot camp to the book's powerful conclusion, My Navy Life will give you a unique look into the life of a combat sailor at sea and during wartime serving in the United States Navy. These are stories that'll make you laugh and cry and you'll shake your head in surprise and wonderment. And have you turning each page with anticipation and excitement.
Download or read book Lunatics written by Dave Barry and published by G.P. Putnam's Sons. This book was released on 2012-12-31 with total page 366 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: One of them is a bestselling Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist. The other is a winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor. Together, they form the League of Comic Justice, and they deliver a hilarious novel of comic mayhemNtold in alternating voices.
