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Mock The Weeks Funniest Book Of All Time
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Book Synopsis Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time by : Dan Patterson
Download or read book Mock the Week's Funniest Book of All Time written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree, Limited. This book was released on 2011 with total page 159 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The bestselling stocking filler returns, though you might want to give granny her Christmas sherry before she looks at it: MOCK THE WEEK'S FUNNIEST BOOK OF ALL TIME* is an hilarious, edgy collection of brand new gags from the team behind the popular panel show. Categories include: UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS: arsehopper (n.): small green insect that lives up your arse. I may have misheard this. UNLIKELY VILLAGE NAMES: Clegg-Under-Cameron; Cock-on-the-Curtain; Tinchy Stryder . . . UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY: 'This year's Speech Day has of course been ruined by those silly boys who assassinated Mr Bartram . . .' UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON DOWNTON ABBEY: 'Mr Bates's leg? He hurt it helping Otis Ferry throw a fire extinguisher off Nelson's Column at a Countryside Alliance march.' UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: You won't get this (12, 4, 3, 5) *This refers only to this and the previous three MTW books, and even that's a matter of opinion . . .
Book Synopsis I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by : Tucker Max
Download or read book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell written by Tucker Max and published by Citadel . This book was released on 2012-03-01 with total page 537 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The “highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible” #1 New York Times bestseller—now with sixteen pages of photos and a new introduction (The New York Times). My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. --from the Introduction Actual reader feedback: "I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don’t believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist." "I’ll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You’re an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."
Book Synopsis 8 Practice Tests for the SAT 2017 by : Kaplan Test Prep
Download or read book 8 Practice Tests for the SAT 2017 written by Kaplan Test Prep and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2016-05-24 with total page 687 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Includes 1,200+ Practice Questions"--Cover.
Book Synopsis Pokko and the Drum by : Matthew Forsythe
Download or read book Pokko and the Drum written by Matthew Forsythe and published by Simon & Schuster/Paula Wiseman Books. This book was released on 2019-10-01 with total page 64 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Four starred reviews! A Today Show Best Book of the Year An NPR Favorite Book of 2019 From E.B. White Read Aloud honor artist Matthew Forsythe comes an “extraordinary” (Publishers Weekly, starred review) picture book about a magical drum, an emerald forest, and the little frog who dares to make her own music. The biggest mistake Pokko’s parents ever made was giving her the drum. When Pokko takes the drum deep into the forest it is so quiet, so very quiet that Pokko decides to play. And before she knows it she is joined by a band of animals —first the raccoon, then the rabbit, then the wolf—and soon the entire forest is following her. Will Pokko hear her father’s voice when he calls her home? Pokko and the Drum is a story about art, persistence, and a family of frogs living in a mushroom.
Book Synopsis I Know This Much Is True by : Wally Lamb
Download or read book I Know This Much Is True written by Wally Lamb and published by Cambridge University Press. This book was released on 1998-06-03 with total page 884 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With his stunning debut novel, She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb won the adulation of critics and readers with his mesmerizing tale of one woman's painful yet triumphant journey of self-discovery. Now, this brilliantly talented writer returns with I Know This Much Is True, a heartbreaking and poignant multigenerational saga of the reproductive bonds of destruction and the powerful force of forgiveness. A masterpiece that breathtakingly tells a story of alienation and connection, power and abuse, devastation and renewal--this novel is a contemporary retelling of an ancient Hindu myth. A proud king must confront his demons to achieve salvation. Change yourself, the myth instructs, and you will inhabit a renovated world. When you're the same brother of a schizophrenic identical twin, the tricky thing about saving yourself is the blood it leaves on your bands--the little inconvenience of the look-alike corpse at your feet. And if you're into both survival of the fittest and being your brother's keeper--if you've promised your dying mother--then say so long to sleep and hello to the middle of the night. Grab a book or a beer. Get used to Letterman's gap-toothed smile of the absurd, or the view of the bedroom ceiling, or the influence of random selection. Take it from a godless insomniac. Take it from the uncrazy twin--the guy who beat the biochemical rap. Dominick Birdsey's entire life has been compromised and constricted by anger and fear, by the paranoid schizophrenic twin brother he both deeply loves and resents, and by the past they shared with their adoptive father, Ray, a spit-and-polish ex-Navy man (the five-foot-six-inch sleeping giant who snoozed upstairs weekdays in the spare room and built submarines at night), and their long-suffering mother, Concettina, a timid woman with a harelip that made her shy and self-conscious: She holds a loose fist to her face to cover her defective mouth--her perpetual apology to the world for a birth defect over which she'd had no control. Born in the waning moments of 1949 and the opening minutes of 1950, the twins are physical mirror images who grow into separate yet connected entities: the seemingly strong and protective yet fearful Dominick, his mother's watchful "monkey"; and the seemingly weak and sweet yet noble Thomas, his mother's gentle "bunny." From childhood, Dominick fights for both separation and wholeness--and ultimately self-protection--in a house of fear dominated by Ray, a bully who abuses his power over these stepsons whose biological father is a mystery. I was still afraid of his anger but saw how he punished weakness--pounced on it. Out of self-preservation I hid my fear, Dominick confesses. As for Thomas, he just never knew how to play defense. He just didn't get it. But Dominick's talent for survival comes at an enormous cost, including the breakup of his marriage to the warm, beautiful Dessa, whom he still loves. And it will be put to the ultimate test when Thomas, a Bible-spouting zealot, commits an unthinkable act that threatens the tenuous balance of both his and Dominick's lives. To save himself, Dominick must confront not only the pain of his past but the dark secrets he has locked deep within himself, and the sins of his ancestors--a quest that will lead him beyond the confines of his blue-collar New England town to the volcanic foothills of Sicily 's Mount Etna, where his ambitious and vengefully proud grandfather and a namesake Domenico Tempesta, the sostegno del famiglia, was born. Each of the stories Ma told us about Papa reinforced the message that he was the boss, that he ruled the roost, that what he said went. Searching for answers, Dominick turns to the whispers of the dead, to the pages of his grandfather's handwritten memoir, The History of Domenico Onofrio Tempesta, a Great Man from Humble Beginnings. Rendered with touches of magic realism, Domenico's fablelike tale--in which monkeys enchant and religious statues weep--becomes the old man's confession--an unwitting legacy of contrition that reveals the truth's of Domenico's life, Dominick learns that power, wrongly used, defeats the oppressor as well as the oppressed, and now, picking through the humble shards of his deconstructed life, he will search for the courage and love to forgive, to expiate his and his ancestors' transgressions, and finally to rebuild himself beyond the haunted shadow of his twin. Set against the vivid panoply of twentieth-century America and filled with richly drawn, memorable characters, this deeply moving and thoroughly satisfying novel brings to light humanity's deepest needs and fears, our aloneness, our desire for love and acceptance, our struggle to survive at all costs. Joyous, mystical, and exquisitely written, I Know This Much Is True is an extraordinary reading experience that will leave no reader untouched.
Download or read book Verity written by Colleen Hoover and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2021-10-05 with total page 295 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Whose truth is the lie? Stay up all night reading the sensational psychological thriller that has readers obsessed, from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Too Late and It Ends With Us. #1 New York Times Bestseller · USA Today Bestseller · Globe and Mail Bestseller · Publishers Weekly Bestseller Lowen Ashleigh is a struggling writer on the brink of financial ruin when she accepts the job offer of a lifetime. Jeremy Crawford, husband of bestselling author Verity Crawford, has hired Lowen to complete the remaining books in a successful series his injured wife is unable to finish. Lowen arrives at the Crawford home, ready to sort through years of Verity’s notes and outlines, hoping to find enough material to get her started. What Lowen doesn’t expect to uncover in the chaotic office is an unfinished autobiography Verity never intended for anyone to read. Page after page of bone-chilling admissions, including Verity's recollection of the night her family was forever altered. Lowen decides to keep the manuscript hidden from Jeremy, knowing its contents could devastate the already grieving father. But as Lowen’s feelings for Jeremy begin to intensify, she recognizes all the ways she could benefit if he were to read his wife’s words. After all, no matter how devoted Jeremy is to his injured wife, a truth this horrifying would make it impossible for him to continue loving her.
Book Synopsis The Remarkable Journey of Coyote Sunrise by : Dan Gemeinhart
Download or read book The Remarkable Journey of Coyote Sunrise written by Dan Gemeinhart and published by Henry Holt and Company (BYR). This book was released on 2019-01-08 with total page 351 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Sometimes a story comes along that just plain makes you want to hug the world. The Remarkable Journey of Coyote Sunrise is Dan Gemeinhart’s finest book yet — and that’s saying something. Your heart needs this joyful miracle of a book." —Katherine Applegate, acclaimed author of The One and Only Ivan and Wishtree A 2020 ILA Teachers’ Choice A 2019 Parents' Choice Award Gold Medal Winner Winner of the 2019 CYBILS Award for Middle Grade Fiction An Amazon Top 20 Children's Book of 2019 A Junior Library Guild Selection Five years. That's how long Coyote and her dad, Rodeo, have lived on the road in an old school bus, criss-crossing the nation. It's also how long ago Coyote lost her mom and two sisters in a car crash. Coyote hasn’t been home in all that time, but when she learns that the park in her old neighborhood is being demolished—the very same park where she, her mom, and her sisters buried a treasured memory box—she devises an elaborate plan to get her dad to drive 3,600 miles back to Washington state in four days...without him realizing it. Along the way, they'll pick up a strange crew of misfit travelers. Lester has a lady love to meet. Salvador and his mom are looking to start over. Val needs a safe place to be herself. And then there's Gladys... Over the course of thousands of miles, Coyote will learn that going home can sometimes be the hardest journey of all...but that with friends by her side, she just might be able to turn her “once upon a time” into a “happily ever after.” This title has common core connections.
Download or read book Sorrow and Bliss written by Meg Mason and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2021-02-09 with total page 352 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Brilliantly faceted and extremely funny. . . . While I was reading it, I was making a list of all the people I wanted to send it to, until I realized that I wanted to send it to everyone I know." — Ann Patchett “Improbably charming...will have you chortling and reading lines aloud.” — PEOPLE The internationally bestselling, compulsively readable novel—spiky, sharp, intriguingly dark, and tender—that combines the psychological insight of Sally Rooney with the sharp humor of Nina Stibbe and the emotional resonance of Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine. Martha Friel just turned forty. Once, she worked at Vogue and planned to write a novel. Now, she creates internet content. She used to live in a pied-à-terre in Paris. Now she lives in a gated community in Oxford, the only person she knows without a PhD, a baby or both, in a house she hates but cannot bear to leave. But she must leave, now that her husband Patrick—the kind who cooks, throws her birthday parties, who loves her and has only ever wanted her to be happy—has just moved out. Because there’s something wrong with Martha, and has been for a long time. When she was seventeen, a little bomb went off in her brain and she was never the same. But countless doctors, endless therapy, every kind of drug later, she still doesn’t know what’s wrong, why she spends days unable to get out of bed or alienates both strangers and her loved ones with casually cruel remarks. And she has nowhere to go except her childhood home: a bohemian (dilapidated) townhouse in a romantic (rundown) part of London—to live with her mother, a minorly important sculptor (and major drinker) and her father, a famous poet (though unpublished) and try to survive without the devoted, potty-mouthed sister who made all the chaos bearable back then, and is now too busy or too fed up to deal with her. But maybe, by starting over, Martha will get to write a better ending for herself—and she’ll find out that she’s not quite finished after all.
Download or read book Strange Practice written by Vivian Shaw and published by Orbit. This book was released on 2017-07-25 with total page 297 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The first book in a delightfully witty fantasy series in which Dr. Greta Helsing, doctor to the undead, must defend London from both supernatural ailments and a bloodthirsty cult. Greta Helsing inherited her family's highly specialized and highly peculiar medical practice. In her consulting rooms, Dr. Helsing treats the undead for a host of ills: vocal strain in banshees, arthritis in barrow-wights, and entropy in mummies. Although she barely makes ends meet, this is just the quiet, supernatural-adjacent life Greta's been groomed for since childhood. Until a sect of murderous monks emerges, killing human and undead Londoners alike. As terror takes hold of the city, Greta must use her unusual skills to stop the cult if she hopes to save her practice and her life. Praise for the Dr. Greta Helsing Novels: "An exceptional and delightful debut, in the tradition of Good Omens and A Night in the Lonesome October."―Elizabeth Bear, Hugo-award winning author "Shaw balances an agile mystery with a pitch-perfect, droll narrative and cast of lovable misfit characters. These are not your mother's Dracula or demons."―Shelf Awareness Dr. Greta Helsing Novels Strange Practice Dreadful Company Grave Importance
Book Synopsis Repeat Prescription: Hilarious True Stories from a Country Practice by : Michael Sparrow
Download or read book Repeat Prescription: Hilarious True Stories from a Country Practice written by Michael Sparrow and published by Prelude Books. This book was released on 2020-07-23 with total page 284 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Dr Sparrow is back, coping with more bizarre, macabre and hilarious situations. Following his successful debut with Country Doctor, he once more guides us through the daily rounds of the weird and wonderful in his practice on the Devon/Cornwall border. What would you do if faced with the unsuccessful resuscitation of the wrong patient, being held at gunpoint as a suspected terrorist or confronting a blind man who refuses to stop driving? And what about the little old lady who presents you with a supermarket bag stuffed with £20 notes? Add to this, jets crashing on the runway, fleeting glimpses of the Royal Genitalia and the haunting tale of the suicidal stranger and an abducted child - and you will start to have some idea of the unpredictable life of Dr Sparrow.
Book Synopsis Everything Sad Is Untrue by : Daniel Nayeri
Download or read book Everything Sad Is Untrue written by Daniel Nayeri and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2020-08-25 with total page 372 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A National Indie Bestseller An NPR Best Book of the Year A New York Times Best Book of the Year An Amazon Best Book of the Year A Booklist Editors' Choice A BookPage Best Book of the Year A NECBA Windows & Mirrors Selection A Publishers Weekly Best Book of the Year A Wall Street Journal Best Book of the Year A Today.com Best of the Year PRAISE "A modern masterpiece." —The New York Times Book Review "Supple, sparkling and original." —The Wall Street Journal "Mesmerizing." —TODAY.com "This book could change the world." —BookPage "Like nothing else you've read or ever will read." —Linda Sue Park "It hooks you right from the opening line." —NPR SEVEN STARRED REVIEWS ★ "A modern epic." —Kirkus Reviews, starred review ★ "A rare treasure of a book." —Publishers Weekly, starred review ★ "A story that soars." —The Bulletin, starred review ★ "At once beautiful and painful." —School Library Journal, starred review ★ "Raises the literary bar in children's lit." —Booklist, starred review ★ "Poignant and powerful." —Foreword Reviews, starred review ★ "One of the most extraordinary books of the year." —BookPage, starred review A sprawling, evocative, and groundbreaking autobiographical novel told in the unforgettable and hilarious voice of a young Iranian refugee. It is a powerfully layered novel that poses the questions: Who owns the truth? Who speaks it? Who believes it? "A patchwork story is the shame of the refugee," Nayeri writes early in the novel. In an Oklahoman middle school, Khosrou (whom everyone calls Daniel) stands in front of a skeptical audience of classmates, telling the tales of his family's history, stretching back years, decades, and centuries. At the core is Daniel's story of how they became refugees—starting with his mother's vocal embrace of Christianity in a country that made such a thing a capital offense, and continuing through their midnight flight from the secret police, bribing their way onto a plane-to-anywhere. Anywhere becomes the sad, cement refugee camps of Italy, and then finally asylum in the U.S. Implementing a distinct literary style and challenging western narrative structures, Nayeri deftly weaves through stories of the long and beautiful history of his family in Iran, adding a richness of ancient tales and Persian folklore. Like Scheherazade of One Thousand and One Nights in a hostile classroom, Daniel spins a tale to save his own life: to stake his claim to the truth. EVERYTHING SAD IS UNTRUE (a true story) is a tale of heartbreak and resilience and urges readers to speak their truth and be heard.
Book Synopsis The Time Machine Did it by : John Swartzwelder
Download or read book The Time Machine Did it written by John Swartzwelder and published by Zebra Press. This book was released on 2004 with total page 150 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Comical novel about Detective Frank Burly who get gets embroiled in time travel and criminal activity during his attempts at helping his new client--Wikipedia
Book Synopsis First Grade, Here I Come! by : D. J. Steinberg
Download or read book First Grade, Here I Come! written by D. J. Steinberg and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2016 with total page 34 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Follows a child through all the big first grade moments.
Download or read book The Billboard written by and published by . This book was released on 1926 with total page 942 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:
Download or read book Mock the Week written by Dan Patterson and published by Boxtree. This book was released on 2010-06-24 with total page 229 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Mock The Week: 1001 Scenes We'd Like To See is the funniest, rudest book of the summer, packed with enough one-liners to fill a whole new series. If you've ever wondered what would be a bad thing to say at a state banquet, or need advice on slogans you shouldn't have tattooed on your arse, then this book will prove invaluable. Collecting together the best one-liners from two bestselling Mock the Week books, categories include: UNSUCCESSFUL PERSONAL ADS: Companion required for long sessions of Sudoku. No timewasters. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Sorry About Your Face. UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: May cause diarrhoea, dysentery, flatulence, piles and other hilarious bottom-related ailments. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: Apricot knee Simon - well a nun might if the Zeppelin has grown its own Byzantium (16,8) LINES YOU'D NEVER SEE IN A JAMES BOND BOOK: '"James, he's using the diamonds to divert a giant laser onto New York from outer space." Bond took the bottle out of M's shaking hand and helped her off the floor into bed.'
Book Synopsis How to Get Your Teacher Ready by : Jean Reagan
Download or read book How to Get Your Teacher Ready written by Jean Reagan and published by Knopf Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 2017-07-04 with total page 18 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Learn how to get your teacher ready for back to school…from the first dayl to graduation! The kids are in charge in this hilarious classroom adventure--from the creators of the New York Times bestseller How to Babysit a Grandpa. This humorous new book in the beloved HOW TO . . . series takes readers through a fun and busy school year. Written in tongue-in-cheek instructional style, a class of adorable students gives tips and tricks for getting a teacher ready—for the first day of school, and all the events and milestones that will follow (picture day, holiday concert, the 100th day of school, field day!). And along the way, children will see that getting their teacher ready is really getting themselves ready. Filled with charming role-reversal humor, this is a playful and heartwarming celebration of teachers and students. A fun read-a-loud to prepare for first day jitters, back-to-school readiness or end of year celebrations.. The fun doesn't stop! Check out more HOW TO... picture books: How to Babysit a Grandpa How to Babysit a Grandma How to Catch Santa How to Get Your Teacher Ready How to Raise a Mom How to Read to a Grandma or Grandpa
Download or read book Rosie's Glasses written by Dave Whamond and published by Kids Can Press Ltd. This book was released on 2018-09-04 with total page 36 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A special pair of glasses alters how a little girl sees the world. In this wordless picture book, Rosie wakes up in a monochrome world, with a dark cloud over her head. As she plods through her day, mishaps thwart her, noises assault her ã and the rain makes everything worse. But then Rosie finds a pair of strange glasses. When she puts them on, her world is transformed into vivid color, and her dark cloud disappears. Are the glasses magic? Or could it be that changing how we look at the world can change the way we experience it? Who needs rose-colored glasses? Happiness is in the eye of the kid!
