Don T Make Me Use My Mortician Voice Funny Funeral Director

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Confessions of a Funeral Director

Author : Caleb Wilde
Publisher : HarperCollins
ISBN 13 : 0062465260
Total Pages : 164 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (624 download)

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Book Synopsis Confessions of a Funeral Director by : Caleb Wilde

Download or read book Confessions of a Funeral Director written by Caleb Wilde and published by HarperCollins. This book was released on 2017-09-26 with total page 164 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “Wise, vulnerable, and surprisingly relatable . . . funny in all the right places and enormously helpful throughout. It will change how you think about death.” —Rachel Held Evans, New York Times–bestselling author of Searching for Sunday We are a people who deeply fear death. While humans are biologically wired to evade death for as long as possible, we have become too adept at hiding from it, vilifying it, and—when it can be avoided no longer—letting the professionals take over. Sixth-generation funeral director Caleb Wilde understands this reticence and fear. He had planned to get as far away from the family business as possible. He wanted to make a difference in the world, and how could he do that if all the people he worked with were . . . dead? Slowly, he discovered that caring for the deceased and their loved ones was making a difference—in other people’s lives to be sure, but it also seemed to be saving his own. A spirituality of death began to emerge as he observed the family who lovingly dressed their deceased father for his burial; the nursing home that honored a woman’s life by standing in procession as her body was taken away; the funeral that united a conflicted community. Through stories like these, told with equal parts humor and poignancy, Wilde’s candid memoir offers an intimate look into the business of death and a new perspective on living and dying. “Open[s] up conversations about life’s ultimate concerns.” —The Washington Post “As a look behind the closed doors of the death industry, as well as a candid exploration of Wilde’s own faith journey, this book is fascinating and compelling.” —National Catholic Reporter “[A] stunner of a debut.” —Rachel Held Evans, author of Inspired

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory

Author : Caitlin Doughty
Publisher : W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN 13 : 0393245950
Total Pages : 175 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (932 download)

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Book Synopsis Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by : Caitlin Doughty

Download or read book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory written by Caitlin Doughty and published by W. W. Norton & Company. This book was released on 2014-09-15 with total page 175 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Morbid and illuminating" (Entertainment Weekly)—a young mortician goes behind the scenes of her curious profession. Armed with a degree in medieval history and a flair for the macabre, Caitlin Doughty took a job at a crematory and turned morbid curiosity into her life’s work. She cared for bodies of every color, shape, and affliction, and became an intrepid explorer in the world of the dead. In this best-selling memoir, brimming with gallows humor and vivid characters, she marvels at the gruesome history of undertaking and relates her unique coming-of-age story with bold curiosity and mordant wit. By turns hilarious, dark, and uplifting, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes reveals how the fear of dying warps our society and "will make you reconsider how our culture treats the dead" (San Francisco Chronicle).

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?

Author : Caitlin Doughty
Publisher : Thorndike Press Large Print
ISBN 13 : 9781432872274
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (722 download)

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Book Synopsis Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? by : Caitlin Doughty

Download or read book Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? written by Caitlin Doughty and published by Thorndike Press Large Print. This book was released on 2019 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Bestselling author and mortician Doughty answers real questions from kids about death, dead bodies, and decomposition.

From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death

Author : Caitlin Doughty
Publisher : W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN 13 : 0393249905
Total Pages : 215 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (932 download)

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Book Synopsis From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by : Caitlin Doughty

Download or read book From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death written by Caitlin Doughty and published by W. W. Norton & Company. This book was released on 2017-10-03 with total page 215 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A New York Times and Los Angeles Times Bestseller “Doughty chronicles [death] practices with tenderheartedness, a technician’s fascination, and an unsentimental respect for grief.” —Jill Lepore, The New Yorker Fascinated by our pervasive fear of dead bodies, mortician Caitlin Doughty embarks on a global expedition to discover how other cultures care for the dead. From Zoroastrian sky burials to wish-granting Bolivian skulls, she investigates the world’s funerary customs and expands our sense of what it means to treat the dead with dignity. Her account questions the rituals of the American funeral industry—especially chemical embalming—and suggests that the most effective traditions are those that allow mourners to personally attend to the body of the deceased. Exquisitely illustrated by artist Landis Blair, From Here to Eternity is an adventure into the morbid unknown, a fascinating tour through the unique ways people everywhere confront mortality.

Mortuary Confidential

Author : Kenneth McKenzie
Publisher : Kensington Books
ISBN 13 : 0806531797
Total Pages : 256 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (65 download)

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Book Synopsis Mortuary Confidential by : Kenneth McKenzie

Download or read book Mortuary Confidential written by Kenneth McKenzie and published by Kensington Books. This book was released on 2010 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From rookie mistakes and runaway corpses to screaming dead men and unusual requests, a collection of stories by funeral directors.

A Comedian Walks Into A Funeral Home

Author : Dennis Kelly
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9780692845486
Total Pages : 266 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (454 download)

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Book Synopsis A Comedian Walks Into A Funeral Home by : Dennis Kelly

Download or read book A Comedian Walks Into A Funeral Home written by Dennis Kelly and published by . This book was released on 2021-05-14 with total page 266 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Vince Locker's life is tragic. His comedy act for the LaughCom competition has just bombed, ruining any chance of the cash prize he desperately needed. His life is in tatters; abandoned by his father as a child, an estranged wife, Jessica, who he seems to disappoint just by his mere existence, and living in his mother's house with his bipolar brother and facing foreclosure. As he stands on Smith Avenue Bridge, suicide seems the only option until he is unexpectedly rescued by an old school mortician named Truss. Vince meets another of Truss's rescues, Winona. Although beyond social norms, the trio seize on a quick cash fix that just might help Vince meet his child support demands-comedic tributes for the dead. The eulogies are hilarious and off the wall, sometimes disastrous and sometimes enlightening. They propel Vince into the dark underworld of the funeral industry, life insurance scams, savage politics, a kidnapping, the murder investigation of a destitute unclaimed young woman and threats to Jessica and his young daughter. As details of the murdered young woman are slowly revealed, Vince realizes that he has many ghosts of his own to put to rest. The story is a brilliant thought-provoking exploration of grief and death nested in clever humor.

Putting Makeup on Dead People

Author : Jen Violi
Publisher : Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
ISBN 13 : 1423153138
Total Pages : 295 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (231 download)

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Book Synopsis Putting Makeup on Dead People by : Jen Violi

Download or read book Putting Makeup on Dead People written by Jen Violi and published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 2011-05-24 with total page 295 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Since her father's death four years ago, Donna has gone through the motions of living: her friendships are empty, she's clueless about what to do after high school graduation, and her grief keeps her isolated, cut off even from the one parent she has left. That is until she's standing in front of the dead body of a classmate at Brighton Brothers' Funeral Home. At that moment, Donna realizes what might just give her life purpose is comforting others in death.

The Funeral Director's Son

Author : Coleen Murtagh Paratore
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1416982760
Total Pages : 147 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (169 download)

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Book Synopsis The Funeral Director's Son by : Coleen Murtagh Paratore

Download or read book The Funeral Director's Son written by Coleen Murtagh Paratore and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2008-08-05 with total page 147 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This family business is for life... In the small town of Clover, when you die, you are put to rest by Campbell and Sons Funeral Home. Unfortunately twelve-year-old Kip Campbell happens to be the only "son" in that title. And that's a problem for him since the funeral home business is the last thing he wants to inherit, even if he has a "gift" for it. See, it just so happens that Kip can talk to the dead. Well, they talk to him, really. They tell him what they need in order to move on to the great beyond. Kip wants to move too. Straight out of Clover. He's about to give notice -- he's done helping the dead -- when he's offered a surprising deal: Find out the secret that is holding back old Billy Blye, and Kip will receive his weight in gold. That would be enough to take him far away from Clover, and Campbell and Sons Funeral Home.

Notes on Grief

Author : Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Publisher : Knopf
ISBN 13 : 0593320816
Total Pages : 44 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (933 download)

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Book Synopsis Notes on Grief by : Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Download or read book Notes on Grief written by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and published by Knopf. This book was released on 2021-05-11 with total page 44 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the globally acclaimed, best-selling novelist and author of We Should All Be Feminists, a timely and deeply personal account of the loss of her father: “With raw eloquence, Notes on Grief … captures the bewildering messiness of loss in a society that requires serenity, when you’d rather just scream. Grief is impolite ... Adichie’s words put welcome, authentic voice to this most universal of emotions, which is also one of the most universally avoided” (The Washington Post). Notes on Grief is an exquisite work of meditation, remembrance, and hope, written in the wake of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's beloved father’s death in the summer of 2020. As the COVID-19 pandemic raged around the world, and kept Adichie and her family members separated from one another, her father succumbed unexpectedly to complications of kidney failure. Expanding on her original New Yorker piece, Adichie shares how this loss shook her to her core. She writes about being one of the millions of people grieving this year; about the familial and cultural dimensions of grief and also about the loneliness and anger that are unavoidable in it. With signature precision of language, and glittering, devastating detail on the page—and never without touches of rich, honest humor—Adichie weaves together her own experience of her father’s death with threads of his life story, from his remarkable survival during the Biafran war, through a long career as a statistics professor, into the days of the pandemic in which he’d stay connected with his children and grandchildren over video chat from the family home in Abba, Nigeria. In the compact format of We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele, Adichie delivers a gem of a book—a book that fundamentally connects us to one another as it probes one of the most universal human experiences. Notes on Grief is a book for this moment—a work readers will treasure and share now more than ever—and yet will prove durable and timeless, an indispensable addition to Adichie's canon.

Driving with Dead People

Author : Monica Holloway
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1847396909
Total Pages : 476 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (473 download)

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Book Synopsis Driving with Dead People by : Monica Holloway

Download or read book Driving with Dead People written by Monica Holloway and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2008-12-09 with total page 476 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: At nine years old, Monica Holloway develops a fascination with the local funeral home. Small wonder, with a father who drives his Ford pick up with a Kodak movie camera sitting shotgun just in case he sees an accident, and whose home movies feature more footage of disasters than of his children. In between her father's bouts of violence and abuse, Monica becomes fast friends with Julie Kilner, whose father is the town mortician. She and Julie preferred the casket showroom to the parks and grassy backyards in her hometown of Elk Grove, Ohio, where they would take turns lying in their favourite coffins. In time, Monica and Julie get a job driving the company hearse to pick up bodies from the airport, yet even Monica's growing independence can't protect her from her parents' irresponsibility, and from the feeling that she simply does not deserve to be safe. Little does she know, as she finally strikes out on her own, that her parents' biggest betrayal has yet to be revealed...

Over Our Dead Bodies:

Author : Kenneth McKenzie
Publisher : Citadel
ISBN 13 : 0806536659
Total Pages : 256 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (65 download)

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Book Synopsis Over Our Dead Bodies: by : Kenneth McKenzie

Download or read book Over Our Dead Bodies: written by Kenneth McKenzie and published by Citadel. This book was released on 2014-06-01 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Discover a more lighthearted side of the funeral industry in this collection of real-life stories from the authors of Mortuary Confidential. Not knowing what to do, I sat on the church steps and waited. As the gravity of my failure began to well up in me, I began to cry . . . I Had Lost The Hearse! Funerals and the all the things that accompany them are traditionally somber, contemplative events in which the bereaved look to their undertaker to guide them through that most difficult of times. Of course, sometimes tradition gets thrown under the bus. From a dysfunctional family who turn their mother’s wake into a full-blown riot, to funeral crashers looking for free meals, to a horse-drawn hearse taking the dearly departed for the ride of their afterlife, these accounts from actual undertakers will have you laughing, thinking, and gasping in disbelief. A literal graveyard of wild coincidences, slapstick humor, and touching moments, Over Our Dead Bodies explores the lighter side of the dead, the living, and the lone undertaker who must make it all go as planned—even if it doesn’t. Praise for Mortuary Confidential “Outrageous funeral stories, dipped in beauty and morbid humor.” —Caleb Wilde, author of Confessions of a Funeral Director “Curious, wildly honest stories that need to be told, but just not at the dinner table.” —Dana Kollmann, author of Never Suck a Dead Man’s Hand “As unpredictable and lively as a bunch of drunks at a New Orleans funeral.” —Joe R. Lansdale, author of Moon Lake “Sick, funny, and brilliant! I love this book.” —Jonathan Maberry, Bram Stoker Award–winning author of They Bite! And Rot & Ruin “These true mortuary tales are poignant—and suddenly, gaspi

The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade

Author : Thomas Lynch
Publisher : W. W. Norton & Company
ISBN 13 : 0393073408
Total Pages : 180 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (93 download)

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Book Synopsis The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade by : Thomas Lynch

Download or read book The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade written by Thomas Lynch and published by W. W. Norton & Company. This book was released on 2010-03-01 with total page 180 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A National Book Award Finalist "One of the most life-affirming books I have read in a long time…brims with humanity, irreverence, and invigorating candor." —Tom Vanderbilt "Every year I bury a couple hundred of my townspeople." So opens this singular and wise testimony. Like all poets, inspired by death, Thomas Lynch is, unlike others, also hired to bury the dead or to cremate them and to tend to their families in a small Michigan town where he serves as the funeral director. In the conduct of these duties he has kept his eyes open, his ear tuned to the indispensable vernaculars of love and grief. In these twelve pieces his is the voice of both witness and functionary. Here, Lynch, poet to the dying, names the hurts and whispers the condolences and shapes the questions posed by this familiar mystery. So here is homage to parents who have died and to children who shouldn't have. Here are golfers tripping over grave markers, gourmands and hypochondriacs, lovers and suicides. These are the lessons for life our mortality teaches us.

The Stranger at the Feast

Author : Tom Boylston
Publisher : Univ of California Press
ISBN 13 : 0520296494
Total Pages : 194 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (22 download)

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Book Synopsis The Stranger at the Feast by : Tom Boylston

Download or read book The Stranger at the Feast written by Tom Boylston and published by Univ of California Press. This book was released on 2018-02-06 with total page 194 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Introduction : prohibition and a ritual regime -- A history of mediation -- Fasting, bodies, and the calendar -- Proliferations of mediators -- Blood, silver, and coffee -- Spirits in the marketplace -- Concrete, bones, and feasts -- Echoes of the host -- The media landscape -- The knowledge of the world -- Conclusion

Joe Gould's Secret

Author : Joseph Mitchell
Publisher : Open Road Media
ISBN 13 : 1504026616
Total Pages : 110 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (4 download)

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Book Synopsis Joe Gould's Secret by : Joseph Mitchell

Download or read book Joe Gould's Secret written by Joseph Mitchell and published by Open Road Media. This book was released on 2016-01-26 with total page 110 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The story of a notorious New York eccentric and the journalist who chronicled his life: “A little masterpiece of observation and storytelling” (Ian McEwan). Joseph Mitchell was a cornerstone of the New Yorker staff for decades, but his prolific career was shattered by an extraordinary case of writer’s block. For the final thirty-two years of his life, Mitchell published nothing. And the key to his silence may lie in his last major work: the biography of a supposed Harvard grad turned Greenwich Village tramp named Joe Gould. Gould was, in Mitchell’s words, “an odd and penniless and unemployable little man who came to this city in 1916 and ducked and dodged and held on as hard as he could for over thirty-five years.” As Mitchell learns more about Gould’s epic Oral History—a reputedly nine-million-word collection of philosophizing, wanderings, and hearsay—he eventually uncovers a secret that adds even more intrigue to the already unusual story of the local legend. Originally written as two separate pieces (“Professor Sea Gull” in 1942 and then “Joe Gould’s Secret” twenty-two years later), this magnum opus captures Mitchell at his peak. As the reader comes to understand Gould’s secret, Mitchell’s words become all the more haunting. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Joseph Mitchell including rare images from the author’s estate.

Mortician Adult Coloring Book

Author : Mortician Passion Publishing
Publisher : Independently Published
ISBN 13 : 9781713216674
Total Pages : 54 pages
Book Rating : 4.2/5 (166 download)

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Book Synopsis Mortician Adult Coloring Book by : Mortician Passion Publishing

Download or read book Mortician Adult Coloring Book written by Mortician Passion Publishing and published by Independently Published. This book was released on 2019-11-29 with total page 54 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The #1 Gift For Morticians In this adult coloring book we have put together tons of hilarious Mortician puns, artworks etc. This makes for the perfect gift for any Mortician. What's Inside... 25 hilarious and relatable phrases, puns etc with abstract designs and intricate details Single-sided 8.5" x 11" (22cm x 28cm) coloring pages that allow for the pages to be removed Suitable for markers, felt tips, gel pens, coloring pencils etc "Mortician nutritional facts" "Instant Mortician, Just add coffee" "Don't make me use my Mortician voice" Please see the back cover for preview Each page is designed with beautiful patterns, swirls, mandalas, flowers etc... color away while letting the steam out. Being a Mortician can be extremly stressful so enjoy mindfulness and relaxation with this brilliant anti-stress therapy. Release your stress in the most enjoyable way possible. Order now and get started.

Restorative Art and Science

Author : Ralph L. Klicker
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9780964796720
Total Pages : 254 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (967 download)

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Book Synopsis Restorative Art and Science by : Ralph L. Klicker

Download or read book Restorative Art and Science written by Ralph L. Klicker and published by . This book was released on 2002 with total page 254 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Mrs. Steffy

Author : Doris C. Steffy
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9781587366819
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (668 download)

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Book Synopsis Mrs. Steffy by : Doris C. Steffy

Download or read book Mrs. Steffy written by Doris C. Steffy and published by . This book was released on 2006 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Florence Steffy's husband died in 1937 she was left with four children, almost no professional skills, and no license to continue the family's funeral business. In an era when people believed that a woman's place was in the home, she decided to go to embalming school and carry on the work her husband had begun. Doris Steffy lovingly chronicles her mother's journey from homemaker to funeral director in this moving memoir. "It is my wish that this book will give renewed hope to those who have lost a loved one, a better understanding to those who have not suffered such a loss, and a new dimension of courage to those who have allowed fear to keep them from realizing their greatest potential," writes Doris. "But most of all, by setting my mother's tenets down on paper, I hope they will come to share her great faith in the resiliency of the human spirit."