Brain Droppings

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Brain Droppings

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 0306835541
Total Pages : 280 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (68 download)

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Book Synopsis Brain Droppings by : George Carlin

Download or read book Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2023-10-10 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sometimes, a little brain damage can help. A book of original humor pieces by beloved comic George Carlin. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless monologues, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Carlin demolishes everyday values and yet leaves you laughing out loud.

Napalm & Silly Putty

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette UK
ISBN 13 : 0786871598
Total Pages : 272 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (868 download)

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Book Synopsis Napalm & Silly Putty by : George Carlin

Download or read book Napalm & Silly Putty written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2001-07-01 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations from the New York Times bestselling author of Brain Droppings. Few comics make the transition from stage to page as smoothly or successfully as George Carlin. Brain Droppings spent a total of 40 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and this new one is certain to tickle even more ribs (and rattle a few more cages) with its characteristically ironic take on life's annoying universal truths. In Napalm & Silly Putty, Carlin doesn't steer clear of the tough issues, preferring instead to look life boldly in the eye to pose the questions few dare to ask: How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite? Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people cook that stuff? In the expression "topsy-turvy," what exactly is meant by "turvy"? And he makes some startling observations, including: Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Carlin also waxes wickedly philosophical on all sorts of subjects, including: KIDS--They're not all cute. In fact, if you look at them closely, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. DEATH ROW--If you're condemned to die they have to give you one last meal of your own request. What is that all about? A group of people plan to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistibly insouciant assortment of musings, questions, assertions, and assumptions guaranteed to please the millions of fans waiting for the next Carlin collection--and the millions more waiting to discover this comic genius.

The Best of Brain Droppings

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Peter Pauper Press, Inc.
ISBN 13 : 9781593598747
Total Pages : 92 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (987 download)

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Book Synopsis The Best of Brain Droppings by : George Carlin

Download or read book The Best of Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Peter Pauper Press, Inc.. This book was released on 2007-06 with total page 92 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With his signature dark and daring humor drawn from everyday life, the world at large, and the vagaries of the English language, George Carlin offers his creative finest in The Best of Braindroppings. From the random braindropping ("When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.") to favorite oxymorons ("holy war," for one), and from questions to ponder ("Why are there no B batteries?" for instance) to his classic monologue comparing baseball and football, this little book packs in a lot of laughs.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 1401381715
Total Pages : 309 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (13 download)

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Book Synopsis When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by : George Carlin

Download or read book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2004-10-01 with total page 309 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? -- infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations. Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe! Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm. The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more. In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.

Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help

Author : George Carlin
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9780894712715
Total Pages : 33 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (127 download)

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Book Synopsis Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help by : George Carlin

Download or read book Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help written by George Carlin and published by . This book was released on 1984 with total page 33 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Three Times Carlin

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hyperion
ISBN 13 : 9781401310554
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (15 download)

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Book Synopsis Three Times Carlin by : George Carlin

Download or read book Three Times Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hyperion. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A perfectly gift-able, perfectly cynical, slipcased omnibus of George Carlin's trademark irreverence -- including bonus never-before-published material For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, just in time for the holidays, Hyperion proudly collects all three volumes -- When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings - into one hilarious omnibus, a slipcased edition that also includes new material.

Who Gives a Poop?

Author : Heather L. Montgomery
Publisher : Bloomsbury Publishing USA
ISBN 13 : 1547603488
Total Pages : 193 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (476 download)

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Book Synopsis Who Gives a Poop? by : Heather L. Montgomery

Download or read book Who Gives a Poop? written by Heather L. Montgomery and published by Bloomsbury Publishing USA. This book was released on 2020-10-13 with total page 193 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Follow scientist Heather L. Montgomery into science labs, forests, hospitals, and landfills, as she asks: Who uses poo? Poop is disgusting, but it's also packed with potential. One scientist spent months training a dog to track dung to better understand elephant birthing patterns. Another discovered that mastodon poop years ago is the reason we enjoy pumpkin pie today. And every week, some folks deliver their own poop to medical facilities, where it is swirled, separated, and shipped off to a hospital to be transplanted into another human. There's even a train full of human poop sludge that's stuck without a home in Alabama! This irreverent and engaging narrative nonfiction book shows that poop isn't just waste-and that dealing with it responsibly is our duty.

A Modern Man

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette UK
ISBN 13 : 0306827107
Total Pages : 336 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (68 download)

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Book Synopsis A Modern Man by : George Carlin

Download or read book A Modern Man written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2021-11-02 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A new collection of greatest hits from one of the greatest comedians of our time, George Carlin, now the subject of the HBO documentary George Carlin’s American Dream, directed by Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio George Carlin was: “a true, true artist” (Chris Rock)…”the master” (Jon Stewart)…“one of the Mount Rushmore guys in our profession” (Jerry Seinfeld)…“the comedian’s comedian” (Jay Leno)…“an icon for comedy” (Margaret Cho)…”a deep thinker and a very, very funny man” (Lily Tomlin)…“one of my heroes” (Stephen Colbert)…“brilliant” (Joan Rivers)… You can’t talk about comedy legends without talking George Carlin. Named the greatest standup of all time by XM Radio’s “All Time Comedy Greats” (and #2 by both Comedy Central and Rolling Stone), Carlin garnered multiple gold records, 4 Grammys, 6 Emmy nominations, and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. He was the first host of SNL, appeared on the Tonight Show some 130 times, and acted in beloved films like Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Dogma. Dubbed “the dean of counterculture comedians,” there was no one like George Carlin. Featuring a foreword by Lewis Black and an introduction by Carlin's longtime best friend and manager, A Modern Man is a perfect introduction for new fans and a must-have for longtime fans, showcasing the longevity, range, and—above all—hilarity of the master. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other delicious verbal ordeals, it is drop-dead funny tour through Carlin’s singular mind. More than ten years after his death, Carlin’s characteristically ironic takes on life's annoying universal truths remain thoughtful, fearless, and somehow more relevant than ever.

Etiquette & Espionage

Author : Gail Carriger
Publisher : Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
ISBN 13 : 031621521X
Total Pages : 320 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (162 download)

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Book Synopsis Etiquette & Espionage by : Gail Carriger

Download or read book Etiquette & Espionage written by Gail Carriger and published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 2013-02-05 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: This young adult steampunk series debut set in the same world as the New York Times bestselling Parasol Protectorate is filled with all the saucy adventure and droll humor Gail Carriger's legions of fans have come to adore. Fourteen-year-old Sophronia is a great trial to her poor mother. Sophronia is more interested in dismantling clocks and climbing trees than proper manners--and the family can only hope that company never sees her atrocious curtsy. Mrs. Temminnick is desperate for her daughter to become a proper lady. So she enrolls Sophronia in Mademoiselle Geraldine's Finishing Academy for Young Ladies of Quality. But Sophronia soon realizes the school is not quite what her mother might have hoped. At Mademoiselle Geraldine's, young ladies learn to finish...everything. Certainly, they learn the fine arts of dance, dress, and etiquette, but they also learn to deal out death, diversion, and espionage--in the politest possible ways, of course. Sophronia and her friends are in for a rousing first year's education.

The Brain Eaters

Author : Gary Brandner
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1440558450
Total Pages : 385 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (45 download)

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Book Synopsis The Brain Eaters by : Gary Brandner

Download or read book The Brain Eaters written by Gary Brandner and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2012-09-01 with total page 385 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Milwaukee, a regular at Vic’s Tavern suddenly smashes a beer bottle and carves up the other customers. In Manhattan, an easygoing cabdriver goes berserk and hurls his cab into a crowd of pedestrians. In Seattle, a young bride slashes her husband in a busy restaurant, then flings herself through a plate-glass window. At first, these shocking incidents appear unrelated. Then a disturbing pattern emerges - the agonizing headaches, the violent tantrums, the faces erupting with sickening lesions, then the final, fatal outburst. The epidemic spreads. The nation panics. The Brain Eaters devour America. Their hunger can never be satisfied.

The George Carlin Letters

Author : Sally Wade
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1451611404
Total Pages : 308 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (516 download)

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Book Synopsis The George Carlin Letters by : Sally Wade

Download or read book The George Carlin Letters written by Sally Wade and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2011-11-01 with total page 308 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A unique illustrated memoir by Sally Wade, the love of George Carlin’s life for ten years, THE GEORGE CARLIN LETTERS: THE PERMANENT COURTSHIP OF SALLY WADE is a collection of never-before-seen writings and artwork by the late great comedian (representing at least 1/3 of the text in the book), woven into Wade’s beautifully told chronicle of the last ten years of their life together. The book provides a rare glimpse into the man behind the legend. George Carlin wrote to Sally daily—notes, postcard, letters…he even started fights on paper; the title is taken from his very last note, which Sally found propped up on her computer upon returning from the hospital the day he died. One of the greatest love stories ever told…hilariously, until the release of this book, no one but Sally has ever seen this side of George Carlin. And everyone is guaranteed to fall in love with both of them.

A Fraction of the Whole

Author : Steve Toltz
Publisher : Anchor Canada
ISBN 13 : 0307373746
Total Pages : 577 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (73 download)

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Book Synopsis A Fraction of the Whole by : Steve Toltz

Download or read book A Fraction of the Whole written by Steve Toltz and published by Anchor Canada. This book was released on 2010-04-30 with total page 577 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: With rights sold around the world, this irreverent comic adventure spanning three continents is poised to be one of the most talked about fiction débuts of the year. A Fraction of the Whole marks the arrival of an ambitious new writer who deftly mixes humour, surprise, and astute observations of the human condition to create a novel that entertains, scandalizes, and enlightens. Martin Dean spent his entire life analyzing absolutely everything – from the benefits of suicide to the virtues of strip clubs versus brothels. Now that he’s dead, his son Jasper can fully reflect on the man who raised him in intellectual captivity. As he recollects the extraordinary events that led to his father’s demise, Jasper recounts a boyhood of outrageous schemes and shocking discoveries – about his infamous and long dead criminal uncle, his tortured and mysteriously absent European mother, and Martin’s constant losing battle to make a lasting impression on the world. It’s a story that takes them from the Australian bush to the cafés of bohemian Paris, from the Thai jungle to labyrinths, mental hospitals, and criminal lairs, from the highs of first love to the lows of rejection and failed ambition. The result is an uproarious indictment of the ridiculousness of the modern world and its mores, and the moving, memorable story of a father and son whose spiritual symmetry transcends all their many shortcomings. I spent the next day staring into empty space. I get a lot of joy out of air, and if sunlight hits the floating specs of dust so you see the whirling dance of atoms, so much the better. During the day, Dad breezed in and out of my room and clicked his tongue, which in our family meant: ‘You’re an idiot.’ In the afternoon, he came back in with a loaded grin. He had a brilliant idea, and couldn’t wait to tell me about it. It had suddenly occurred to him to throw me out of the house, and what did I think of his brainwave? I told him I was concerned about him eating all his meals alone because the clinking of cutlery on a plate echoing through an empty house is one of the top five depressing noises of all time. --from A Fraction of the Whole

Once an Eagle

Author : Anton Myrer
Publisher : Harper Collins
ISBN 13 : 0062039091
Total Pages : 1312 pages
Book Rating : 4.0/5 (62 download)

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Book Synopsis Once an Eagle by : Anton Myrer

Download or read book Once an Eagle written by Anton Myrer and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2013-03-12 with total page 1312 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: “Once an Eagle is simply the best work of fiction on leadership in print.” —General Martin E. Dempsey, 18th Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Required reading for West Point and Marine Corps cadets, Once An Eagle is the story of one special man, a soldier named Sam Damon, and his adversary over a lifetime, fellow officer Courtney Massengale. Damon is a professional who puts duty, honor, and the men he commands above self-interest. Massengale, however, brilliantly advances by making the right connections behind the lines and in Washington's corridors of power. Beginning in the French countryside during the Great War, the conflict between these adversaries solidifies in the isolated garrison life marking peacetime, intensifies in the deadly Pacific jungles of World War II, and reaches its treacherous conclusion in the last major battleground of the Cold War—Vietnam. Now reissued with a new foreword by acclaimed historian Carlo D'Este, here is an unforgettable story of a man who embodies the best in our nation—and in us all.

Still Foolin' 'Em

Author : Billy Crystal
Publisher : Henry Holt and Company
ISBN 13 : 0805098232
Total Pages : 288 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (5 download)

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Book Synopsis Still Foolin' 'Em by : Billy Crystal

Download or read book Still Foolin' 'Em written by Billy Crystal and published by Henry Holt and Company. This book was released on 2013-09-10 with total page 288 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Hilarious and heartfelt observations on aging from one of America's favorite comedians as he turns 65, and a look back at a remarkable career in this New York Times bestseller. Billy Crystal is turning 65, and he's not happy about it. With his trademark wit and heart, he outlines the absurdities and challenges that come with growing old, from insomnia to memory loss to leaving dinners with half your meal on your shirt. In humorous chapters like "Buying the Plot" and "Nodding Off," Crystal not only catalogues his physical gripes, but offers a road map to his 77 million fellow baby boomers who are arriving at this milestone age with him. He also looks back at the most powerful and memorable moments of his long and storied life, from entertaining his relatives as a kid in Long Beach, Long Island, his years doing stand-up in the Village, up through his legendary stint at Saturday Night Live, When Harry Met Sally, and his long run as host of the Academy Awards. Readers get a front-row seat to his one-day career with the New York Yankees (he was the first player to ever "test positive for Maalox"), his love affair with Sophia Loren, and his enduring friendships with several of his idols, including Mickey Mantle and Muhammad Ali. He lends a light touch to more serious topics like religion ("the aging friends I know have turned to the Holy Trinity: Advil, bourbon, and Prozac"), grandparenting, and, of course, dentistry. As wise and poignant as they are funny, Crystal's reflections are an unforgettable look at an extraordinary life well lived.

A Carlin Home Companion

Author : Kelly Carlin
Publisher : Macmillan + ORM
ISBN 13 : 1466862386
Total Pages : 381 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (668 download)

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Book Synopsis A Carlin Home Companion by : Kelly Carlin

Download or read book A Carlin Home Companion written by Kelly Carlin and published by Macmillan + ORM. This book was released on 2015-09-15 with total page 381 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the daughter of the iconoclastic comedic performer, Kelly Carlin’s memoir A Carlin Home Companion: Growing Up with George “is written in the DNA of a Carlin, honest, biting, savage, funny, sad, dark, and profound...Hold on; like George Carlin, this book gives you a hell of a ride” (New York Times bestselling author and multi-award-winning comedian Lewis Black). Truly the voice of a generation, George Carlin gave the world some of the most hysterical and iconic comedy routines of the last fifty years. From the “Seven Dirty Words” and “A Place for My Stuff”, to “Religion is Bullshit” and “The American Dream”, he perfected the art of making audiences double over with laughter while simultaneously making people wake up to the realities (and insanities) of life in the twentieth century. Few people glimpsed the inner life of this beloved comedian, but his only child, Kelly, was there to see it all. Born at the very beginning of his decades-long career in comedy, she slid around the “old Dodge Dart,” as he and wife Brenda drove around the country to “hell gigs.” She witnessed his transformation in the ’70s, as he fought back against—and talked back to—the establishment; she even talked him down from a really bad acid trip a time or two (“Kelly, the sun has exploded and we have eight, no-seven and a half minutes to live!”). Kelly not only watched her father constantly reinvent himself and his comedy, but also had a front row seat to the roller coaster turmoil of her family’s inner life—alcoholism, cocaine addiction, life-threatening health scares, and a crushing debt to the IRS. But having been the only “adult” in her family prepared her little for the task of her own adulthood. All the while, Kelly sought to define her own voice as she separated from the shadow of her father’s genius. With rich humor and deep insight, Kelly Carlin pulls back the curtain on what it was like to grow up as the daughter of one of the most recognizable comedians of our time, and become a woman in her own right. This vivid, hilarious, heartbreaking story is at once singular and universal—it is a contemplation of what it takes to move beyond the legacy of childhood, and forge a life of your own.

Thank You Notes

Author : Jimmy Fallon
Publisher : Grand Central Publishing
ISBN 13 : 0892967374
Total Pages : 342 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (929 download)

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Book Synopsis Thank You Notes by : Jimmy Fallon

Download or read book Thank You Notes written by Jimmy Fallon and published by Grand Central Publishing. This book was released on 2011-05-23 with total page 342 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jimmy Fallon is very thankful. And in this first book to come from his TV show, he expresses his gratitude for everything from the light bulb he's too lazy to replace to the F12 button on his computer's keyboard. He thanks microbreweries for making his alcoholism seem like a neat hobby. He thanks the name "Lloyd" for having two L's. Otherwise it would just sound like "Loyd." He thanks the slow-moving family walking in front of him on the sidewalk. Without this "barricade of idiots," he might never have been forced to walk in the street and risk getting hit by a car in order to get around them. He's thankful to you, the person reading this right now. It means you're considering buying this book. You should do it. You will be thankful that you did.

Seven Dirty Words

Author : James Sullivan
Publisher : Da Capo Press
ISBN 13 : 0786745924
Total Pages : 282 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (867 download)

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Book Synopsis Seven Dirty Words by : James Sullivan

Download or read book Seven Dirty Words written by James Sullivan and published by Da Capo Press. This book was released on 2010-06-08 with total page 282 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Seven Dirty Words, journalist and cultural critic James Sullivan tells the story of Alternative America from the 1950s to the present, from the singular vantage point of George Carlin, the Catholic boy for whom nothing was sacred. A critical biography, Seven Dirty Words is an insightful (and, of course, hilarious) examination of Carlin's body of work as it pertained to its cultural times and the man who created it, from his early days as amore-or-less conventional comedian to his stunning transformation into the subversive comedic voice of the emerging counterculture. Sullivan also chronicles Carlin's struggles with censorship and drugs, as well as the full-blown renaissance he experienced in the 1990s, both personally and professionally, when he became an elder statesman to a younger generation of comics who revered him. Seven Dirty Words is nothing less than the definitive biography of an American master who changed the world, and also a work of cultural commentary which frames George Carlin's extraordinary legacy.