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Boogers Are My Beat
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Download or read book Boogers Are My Beat written by Dave Barry and published by Crown. This book was released on 2004-09-28 with total page 255 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The New York Times calls him “the funniest man in America,” and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: • The scientific search for the world’s funniest joke (you can bet it includes the word “weasel”) • RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot • Outwitting “smart” kitchen appliances and service contracts • Elections in Florida (“You can’t spell Florida without ‘duh’”) • The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating • The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui • The choice between death and taxes And much, much more—including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11. Dave Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988, and his columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh. Also available as an eBook
Download or read book Boogers Are My Beat written by Dave Barry and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2003-09-23 with total page 210 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The New York Times calls him “the funniest man in America,” and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: • The scientific search for the world’s funniest joke (you can bet it includes the word “weasel”) • RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot • Outwitting “smart” kitchen appliances and service contracts • Elections in Florida (“You can’t spell Florida without ‘duh’”) • The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating • The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui • The choice between death and taxes And much, much more—including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11. Dave Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988, and his columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh. Also available as an eBook
Download or read book Swamp Story written by Dave Barry and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2024-05-07 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Pulitzer Prize–winning and New York Times bestselling author—and actual Florida Man—Dave Barry returns with a “hilariously funny” (Steve Martin) caper full of oddballs and more twists and turns than a snake slithering away from a gator. Jesse Braddock is trapped in a tiny cabin deep in the Everglades with her infant daughter and her ex-boyfriend, a wannabe reality TV star who turned out to be a lot prettier on the outside than on the inside. Broke and desperate for a way out, Jesse stumbles across a long-lost treasure, which could solve all her problems—if she can figure out how to keep it. The problem is some very bad men are also looking for the treasure, and they know Jesse has it. Meanwhile, Ken Bortle of Bortle Brothers Bait and Beer has hatched a scheme to lure tourists to his failing store by making viral videos of the “Everglades Melon Monster.” The Monster is, in fact, an unemployed alcoholic newspaperman named Phil wearing a Dora the Explorer costume head. Incredibly, this plan actually works, inspiring a horde of TikTokers to swarm into the swamp in search of the Monster at the same time villains are on the hunt for Jesse’s treasure. Amid this mayhem, a presidential hopeful arrives in the Everglades to start his campaign. Needless to say, it does not go as planned. In fact, nothing in this story goes as planned. This is, after all, Florida.
Book Synopsis Dave Barry's Money Secrets by : Dave Barry
Download or read book Dave Barry's Money Secrets written by Dave Barry and published by Crown Archetype. This book was released on 2006-01-17 with total page 257 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.
Download or read book Neverisms written by Dr. Mardy Grothe and published by Harper Collins. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 525 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From Mardy Grothe, the author of Ifferisms,Oxymoronica,and I Never Met a Metaphor IDidn’t Like, comes a new collection of witty and wise quotations about what never to do in life. Remember, “never let the fear of striking out get in your way” (BabeRuth), "never hit anyone if you can help it, but never hit soft"(Theodore Roosevelt); "never be afraid tosit awhile and think" (Lorraine Hansberry); and, of course, neverleave home without the perfect quote for any occasion from Dr. Mardy’s Neverisms.
Download or read book Insane City written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2013-01-29 with total page 357 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute…
Book Synopsis I'll Mature When I'm Dead by : Dave Barry
Download or read book I'll Mature When I'm Dead written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2011-04-05 with total page 290 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I'll Mature When I'm Dead is the New York Times bestseller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey to adulthood a little easier—and a lot funnier. Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Dave Barry will help through this process—with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood, and even vampires!
Download or read book Lunatics written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2012-01-10 with total page 348 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Philip Horkman is a happy man, the owner of a pet store called The Wine Shop, and on Sundays a referee for a local kids’ soccer league. Jeffrey Peckerman is the proud and loving father of a star athlete in the girls’ ten-and-under soccer league, and he’s not exactly happy with the ref. The two of them are about to collide in a swiftly escalating series of events that will send them running for their lives, pursued by the police, soldiers, subversives, bears, revolutionaries, pirates, and a black ops team that does not exist. Where all that takes them you can’t even begin to guess, but the literary journey there is a masterpiece of inspiration, chaos, and unadulterated, well, lunacy. And they might even learn a lesson or two along the way.
Book Synopsis Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy Part Two by : Dav Pilkey
Download or read book Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy Part Two written by Dav Pilkey and published by Scholastic UK. This book was released on 2014-01-09 with total page 173 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Just when George and Harold thought they'd saved the world again - Here come the Robo-Boogers! Disgusting and dangerous robots made of SNOT, they will cover the whole earth in a river of green and gluey bogey. It's lucky that Captain Underpants is standing by, with the power of underwear on his side and his hankie to hand!
Book Synopsis You Can Date Boys When You're Forty by : Dave Barry
Download or read book You Can Date Boys When You're Forty written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin Group. This book was released on 2015-03-03 with total page 241 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: If there’s one thing that New York Times bestselling author and Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Dave Barry is an expert on, it’s raising a daughter. …which means he’s not an expert on much considering the breadth of his knowledge on that subject fills only a single chapter of a book. However, what Dave Barry is good at is giving unsolicited advice on topics he’s definitively not an expert on. In fact, he now has an entire book filled with guidance on things he knows nothing about, including: surviving in the wild, wooing women, cremation, maintaining a scintillating conversation, Justin Bieber, the U.S. Postal Service, enduring the TSA, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and, most obviously, being a professional author. With trademark wit and unmatched insight into the insanity of everyday life, Dave Barry presents a series of hilarious, never-before-published essays on the trials and tribulations of living and laughing in the modern age.
Book Synopsis Ahmed the Philosopher by : Alain Badiou
Download or read book Ahmed the Philosopher written by Alain Badiou and published by Columbia University Press. This book was released on 2014-04-29 with total page 224 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: English-speaking readers might be surprised to learn that Alain Badiou writes fiction and plays along with his philosophical works and that they are just as important to understanding his larger intellectual project. In Ahmed the Philosopher, BadiouÕs most entertaining and accessible play, translated into English here for the first time, readers are introduced to BadiouÕs philosophy through a theatrical tour de force that has met with much success in France. Ahmed the Philosopher presents its comic hero, the Òtreacherous servantÓ Ahmed, as a seductively trenchant philosopher even as it casts philosophy itself as a comic performance. The comedy unfolds as a series of lessons, with each Òshort playÓ or sketch illuminating a different Badiousian concept. Yet Ahmed does more than illustrate philosophical abstractions; he embodies and vivifies the theatrical and performative aspects of philosophy, mobilizing a comic energy that exposes the emptiness and pomp of the world. Through his example, the audience is moved to a living engagement with philosophy, discovering in it the power to break through the limits of everyday life.
Book Synopsis Blinded by the Broken Compass by : Shane Steinhart
Download or read book Blinded by the Broken Compass written by Shane Steinhart and published by Writers Republic LLC. This book was released on 2023-01-24 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From high jinks on the high seas, to war and despair, Shane Steinhart has lived it all. Five deployments on five aircraft carriers, two Naval ratings, crossing the equator twice, and circling the globe, Shane has truly "Searched the world over, looking for a better beer." From the harsh challenges of boot camp to the book's powerful conclusion, My Navy Life will give you a unique look into the life of a combat sailor at sea and during wartime serving in the United States Navy. These are stories that'll make you laugh and cry and you'll shake your head in surprise and wonderment. And have you turning each page with anticipation and excitement.
Book Synopsis Welcome to the Club by : Raquel D'Apice
Download or read book Welcome to the Club written by Raquel D'Apice and published by Chronicle Books. This book was released on 2016-09-20 with total page 146 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From an Emmy Award–winning comedy writer: “An absolute must for every parent who needs to laugh so they don’t cry.” —Bunmi Laditan, author of Confessions of a Domestic Failure From the comedian behind the popular parenting blog The Ugly Volvo comes a refreshing spin on the baby milestone book. Instead of a place to lovingly capture the first time baby sleeps through the night, this book commemorates baby’s first poop explosion; first time baby says a word you didn’t want her to say; and first time you forget the details of childbirth enough to consider having a second kid. Accompanied by distinctive illustrations, these one hundred rarely documented but all-too-realistic milestones provide comfort, solidarity, and comic relief for exhausted and terrified new parents.
Download or read book Big Trouble written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2010-07-06 with total page 306 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt's intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny's alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid's room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur's embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
Download or read book Best. State. Ever. written by Dave Barry and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2017-09-05 with total page 242 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A New York Times bestseller—a brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, “What the hell is wrong with Florida?” Somehow, the state's acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Join him as he goes in hunt of the legendary Skunk Ape; hobnobs with the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs; and visits Cassadaga, the psychic capital of the world, to have his dog's aura read (apparently, she's "very spiritual"). Hitch a ride for the non-stop thrills of alligator-wrestling ("the gators display the same fighting spirit as a Barcalounger"), the hair-raising spectacle of a clothing-optional bar in Key West, and the manly manliness of the Machine Gun Experience in Miami. It's the most hilarious book yet from “the funniest damn writer in the whole country” (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you'll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida—you can never say it's boring.
Book Synopsis Trapped in a Video Game by : Dustin Brady
Download or read book Trapped in a Video Game written by Dustin Brady and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing. This book was released on 2018-04-10 with total page 132 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Jesse Rigsby hates video games—and for good reason. You see, a video game character is trying to kill him. After getting sucked in the new game Full Blast with his friend Eric, Jesse starts to see the appeal of vaporizing man-size praying mantis while cruising around by jet pack. But pretty soon, a mysterious figure begins following Eric and Jesse, and they discover they can't leave the game. If they don't figure out what's going on fast, they'll be trapped for good! With black-and-white illustrations throughout and a cliff hanger at the end of every chapter, this is a great series for kids who think they don’t like to read!
Download or read book Less is More written by Kimberly Campbell and published by Stenhouse Publishers. This book was released on 2007 with total page 233 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Less Is More is full of powerful ideas for teaching with short, provocative text. This book broadens and extends our available teaching tools and materials, and can help engage all students. It is a valuable resource for language arts teachers. --Cris Tovani Language arts teachers want all of their students to love literature and embrace the novels they assign. The classroom reality is that many students are not ready or motivated to immerse themselves in an entire novel. In order to reach and engage all students, teachers need to look beyond novels alone and embrace a richer variety of literature. In Less Is More Kimberly Hill Campbell draws on research as well as her own classroom experiences to show how short texts engage a wide range of middle and high school students. She shares her discovery of the power of short texts to support her students' skills as readers, writers, and students of literature. Kimberly shows how short texts can be integrated into the curriculum, without sacrificing required novels. Chapters examine different genres of short text, such as short stories, essays, memoir, and graphic novels. Each chapter provides reading, writing, and response strategies as well as a broad selection of short text resources that have proven effective with a wide range of students.
