At 80 You Can Never Completely Trust A Fart

Author : elise sax
Publisher : 13 Lakes Publishing
ISBN 13 :
Total Pages : 2220 pages
Book Rating : 4./5 ( download)

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Download or read book Matchmaker Mysteries Series The Complete Series written by elise sax and published by 13 Lakes Publishing. This book was released on 2019-01-24 with total page 2220 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Perfect for fans of Janet Evanovich and Jana DeLeon, Elise Sax’s wickedly funny Matchmaker Mysteries series proves that the road to love comes with a few dead ends. The complete Series Boxed Set is a page-turning beach read and a small town mystery romance of ten novels, two novellas, and the book of Grandma Zelda’s advice. "Elise Sax will win your heart."--New York Times bestselling author Jill Shalvis * "Sax will make you laugh. Her larger-than-life characters jump off the page and make crazy seem like a fun place to hang out."—New York Times bestselling author Christie Craig * “Elise Sax belongs on every bookshelf.”—New York Times bestselling author Melissa Foster * "With quirky characters reminiscent of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series and a small-town heroine redolent of Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse" --RT Book Reviews * "Fans of laugh-out-loud romantic suspense will enjoy this new author as she joins the ranks of Janet Evanovich."--Booklist, on An Affair to Dismember An Affair to Dismember: * Three months has been Gladie Burger’s limit when it comes to staying in one place. That’s why Gladie is more than a little skeptical when her Grandma Zelda—who is more than a little psychic—recruits her into the family’s matchmaking business in the quaint small town of Cannes, California. What’s more, Gladie is also highly unqualified, having a terrible track record with romance. Still, Zelda is convinced that her granddaughter has her clairvoyant “gift.” But when the going gets tough, Gladie wonders if this gift has a return policy. * When Zelda’s neighbor drops dead in his kitchen, Gladie is swept into his bizarre family’s drama. Despite warnings from the (distractingly gorgeous) chief of police to steer clear of his investigation, Gladie is out to prove that her neighbor’s death was murder. It’s not too long before she’s in way over her head—with the hunky police chief, a dysfunctional family full of possible killers, and yet another mysterious and handsome man, whose attentions she’s unable to ignore. Gladie is clearly being pursued—either by true love or by a murderer. Who will catch her first? * Citizen Pain: * Since joining the family matchmaking business run by her eccentric and psychic Grandma Zelda, Gladie is always looking for love. But when an unbearable toothache knocks her out of commission and into the dentist’s chair, she prays only for relief. No such luck. Emerging from an anesthetic haze, Gladie awakes to find that not only is her tooth still throbbing, but her dentist is dead—and the lead suspect in the murder, office receptionist Belinda, just so happens to be Gladie’s first real client. Now it’s up to Gladie to find Belinda a man and keep her from being locked up behind bars. * As if that weren’t enough distraction, two gorgeous men are vying for Gladie’s attention: Spencer, the playboy chief of police, and Holden, Gladie’s secretive, gorgeously muscled neighbor. Still, Gladie’s not complaining about having a helping hand or two when the case leads her to a dangerously bizarre cult. She may have met her match—and if she’s not careful, it could be her last. * The Wizard of Saws: * Five months have passed since Gladie Burger came to Cannes, California, to join her eccentric Grandma Zelda in the family matchmaking business, and Gladie is quickly mastering the rules of attraction. Her latest fix-up is still going strong and Gladie’s bank account is back in the black—until a rival matchmaker arrives in town and has both Gladie and Zelda seeing red. * Not only is self-proclaimed psychic Luanda Laughing-Eagle stealing Grandma Zelda’s clients, but Zelda is convinced that Luanda’s ESP is total BS. She tasks Gladie with exposing Luanda as a fraud, but Gladie’s attention is diverted when murder comes a-calling. Spencer Bolton, the gorgeous chief of police and Gladie’s on-again, off-again flame, wants her to stay out of the investigation–and away from the deliciously chiseled detective who also aims to win Gladie’s heart. But the one thing Gladie’s learned is that in business, love and murder . . . it’s always personal. * Field of Screams: * Since joining the family matchmaking business run by her eccentric and psychic Grandma Zelda, Gladie has had little success. Involved on one level or another—hot sex, almost committed, and crying in her pillow—with three men, Gladie distracts herself by giving up on matchmaking and starting a new career. But when Gladie stumbles on body parts of dead baseball players all over town, she’s dragged into solving yet another murder mystery. With her life in chaos and the killer getting closer, Gladie has to come to terms with the fact that love is murder. * From Fear to Eternity: * It’s still up in the air whether Gladie really has her psychic grandmother’s “gift,” but she’s determined to finally give matchmaking her best shot. She’s also determined to give her new relationship with hottie Police Chief Spencer Bolton a shot…that is, if she can find him. * Despite her good intentions, Gladie is being sued by a matchmaking client, but even with bankruptcy around the corner, that’s not her biggest problem. There seems to be a rash of dead senior citizens popping up at the tea shop owner’s family home. Gladie is recruited to find the murderer, but this time she may have met her match—and if she’s not careful, it could be her last. * West Side Gory: * Life is going great for Gladie Burger. She’s having lots of sex with her hottie boyfriend, Chief of Police Spencer Bolton, she’s settled into her matchmaking career, she’s got a new car, and it’s been over two weeks since she’s stumbled on a dead body. It seems like she’s finally got her life on track, since she moved in with her psychic grandmother to help her with her matchmaking business. * But when a stomach ache proves to be more serious, she finds herself in West Side Hospital, preparing for surgery. Befriending the woman in the next bed in her hospital room, she becomes distressed when the woman vanishes. Alerting the hospital staff, they tell her that the woman never existed. Has Gladie lost her mind, or is something more sinister happening at West Side Hospital? * Scareplane: * Gladie is nervous about her upcoming vacation with hottie police chief Spencer Bolton. She’s never flown before, and she’s not looking forward to the experience. Her fear is heightened when a plane crashes into the house across the street. But there’s little time to think about it because their town is hosting a law enforcement conference, where Southern California’s finest are coming to discuss law and order. Everything is going to plan. Spencer is hailed as a great police chief, and Gladie is fixing up half of the town…until one of the guests—a famous police czar—drops dead. Now everyone is a suspect, and Gladie is being prevented from investigating the death by the new police detective on the force…a hottie female cop who thinks Gladie is enemy #1 and Spencer is marriage material. * It Happened one Fright: * Spencer might have marriage on his mind, but Gladie is distracted by her best friend’s troubles and a busy matchmaking month. The father of Bridget’s baby is threatening to take custody away from her, and when he winds up murdered, Bridget becomes the top suspect. Now, Gladie must juggle her own love life, her matchmaking, and proving that Bridget is innocent, not to mention dealing with the town’s attempt to break the world record for the largest Easter egg hunt. But poking around is dangerous, and Gladie could be next on the killer’s hit list. * The Big Kill: * Progress is being made on Gladie’s house and her impending wedding. Meanwhile, her best friend Bridget is ready to give birth. But all of that takes a backseat to Gladie’s discovery in her grandmother’s attic about her father. It looks like her father’s motorcycle accident when she was a child was no accident, and now Gladie is thrust into her father’s world, where his best friends could have been his murderers. Will Gladie find the killer before she’s next? * It’s a Wonderful Knife: * It’s wedding time in Cannes. Gladie’s wedding. But once again, love has to take a backseat to murder. Will Gladie’s wedding go off without a hitch? Ha! Just kidding. Enjoy the mayhem as Gladie and Spencer finally say their vows and realize their happily ever after. * Ship of Ghouls: * Gladie and Spencer are finally married. After they’re gifted a honeymoon cruise, they’re on their way into international waters. But the ship is less than luxurious, and the ship’s crew isn’t what they seem. When Gladie stumbles on a dead body, the newlyweds are thrust into a life-or-death mystery. Gladie’s “gift” could come in handy to find the killer, but she might find herself overboard before justice is served. * Road to Matchmaker: * A month before Gladie Burger moves to the small town of Cannes, California to help in her grandmother’s matchmaking business, she’s busy moving from one temporary job to the next. Living in Los Angeles in a studio apartment over an Italian restaurant, she works in a used book store doing inventory, but she spends most of her time reading the collection of old murder mysteries. After an accident involving the books, Gladie has lost her memory and believes she’s the detective in the last book that she read. Determined to track down her arch nemesis, Gladie finds herself in a real-life mystery and an adventure of a lifetime. * Matchmaking Advice From Your Grandma Zelda: * The complete collection of Grandma Zelda’s matchmaking advice from the bestselling Matchmaking Mysteries series. All of her words of wisdom are here, and as a bonus, Yiddish definitions and introductions by Elise Sax and Grandma Zelda are included. Zelda’s humorous words of wisdom about love and life are a shot of happiness, sure to brighten anyone’s day.