When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops

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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 1401381715
Total Pages : 320 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (13 download)

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Book Synopsis When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by : George Carlin

Download or read book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2004-10-01 with total page 320 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?--infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations. Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe! Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics: Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been? Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"? Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm. The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more. In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud--delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hyperion
ISBN 13 : 9781401308216
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (82 download)

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Book Synopsis When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? by : George Carlin

Download or read book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? written by George Carlin and published by Hyperion. This book was released on 2005-10-19 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Now in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that takes readers on a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premier comics George Carlin's legendary irreverence and iconoclasm are on full display in When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops as he vainly scours the American landscape for signs of intelligence in his third national bestseller. Ranging from his absurdist side (Message from a Cockroach; TV News: The Death of Humpty Dumpty; Tips for Serial Killers) to his unerring ear for American speech (Politician Talk; Societal Clichs; Euphemisms: 13 sections) to his unsparing views on America and its values (War, God, Stuff Like That; Zero Tolerance; Tired of the Handi-crap), Carlin delivers everything that his fans expect, and then adds a few surprises. Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Napalm & Silly Putty

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette UK
ISBN 13 : 0786871598
Total Pages : 272 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (868 download)

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Book Synopsis Napalm & Silly Putty by : George Carlin

Download or read book Napalm & Silly Putty written by George Carlin and published by Hachette UK. This book was released on 2001-07-01 with total page 272 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A hilarious new collection of razor-sharp observations from the New York Times bestselling author of Brain Droppings. Few comics make the transition from stage to page as smoothly or successfully as George Carlin. Brain Droppings spent a total of 40 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, and this new one is certain to tickle even more ribs (and rattle a few more cages) with its characteristically ironic take on life's annoying universal truths. In Napalm & Silly Putty, Carlin doesn't steer clear of the tough issues, preferring instead to look life boldly in the eye to pose the questions few dare to ask: How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on TV that it's a spy satellite? Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people cook that stuff? In the expression "topsy-turvy," what exactly is meant by "turvy"? And he makes some startling observations, including: Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Guys don't seem to be called "Lefty" anymore. Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Carlin also waxes wickedly philosophical on all sorts of subjects, including: KIDS--They're not all cute. In fact, if you look at them closely, some of them are rather unpleasant looking. And a lot of them don't smell too good either. DEATH ROW--If you're condemned to die they have to give you one last meal of your own request. What is that all about? A group of people plan to kill you, so they want you to eat something you like? Add to the mix "The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs of All Time," "The 20th Century Hostility Scoreboard," and "People I Can Do Without," and you have an irresistibly insouciant assortment of musings, questions, assertions, and assumptions guaranteed to please the millions of fans waiting for the next Carlin collection--and the millions more waiting to discover this comic genius.

3 x Carlin

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 0316390194
Total Pages : 896 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (163 download)

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Book Synopsis 3 x Carlin by : George Carlin

Download or read book 3 x Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2015-09-01 with total page 896 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Three comedic classics in one, by the legendary George Carlin. Includes Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, for the first time as an ebook, Hachette Books proudly collects all three volumes--When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings--into one hilarious omnibus.

The World's Greatest Chocolate-Covered Pork Chops

Author : Ryan K. Sager
Publisher : Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
ISBN 13 : 1368000010
Total Pages : 256 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (68 download)

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Book Synopsis The World's Greatest Chocolate-Covered Pork Chops by : Ryan K. Sager

Download or read book The World's Greatest Chocolate-Covered Pork Chops written by Ryan K. Sager and published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. This book was released on 2017-06-20 with total page 256 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Twelve-year-old chef Zoey Kate's Fried Banana Fondue is delectable, her Maple Cinnamon Crab Fajitas are divine, and her Chocolate-Covered Pork Chops are to die for. Zoey is the best cook in town and she wants everyone to know it. She's on a mission to start her own restaurant, but quickly learns that the restaurant industry is competitive . . . and dangerous. There are people who see Zoey as a threat, and they'll use any means necessary to make sure that she fails. Featuring a precocious, larger-than-life character, lots of humor, fast-paced action and mouth-watering foods, this cooking story is sure to appeal to young foodies and fans of shows like MasterChef Junior and Rachael vs. Guy: Kids Cook-Off.

Three Times Carlin

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hyperion
ISBN 13 : 9781401310554
Total Pages : 0 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (15 download)

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Book Synopsis Three Times Carlin by : George Carlin

Download or read book Three Times Carlin written by George Carlin and published by Hyperion. This book was released on 2011-05-17 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A perfectly gift-able, perfectly cynical, slipcased omnibus of George Carlin's trademark irreverence -- including bonus never-before-published material For four decades, George Carlin has been one of America's favorite comics, known as much for his willingness to take on taboo subjects as for his absurdist wordplay. As an author, he has proved equally popular: With combined sales of more than two million copies, Carlin's three books of razor-sharp and hilarious observations have topped bestseller lists nationwide. Now, just in time for the holidays, Hyperion proudly collects all three volumes -- When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Brain Droppings - into one hilarious omnibus, a slipcased edition that also includes new material.

Seven Dirty Words

Author : James Sullivan
Publisher : Da Capo Press
ISBN 13 : 0786745924
Total Pages : 280 pages
Book Rating : 4.7/5 (867 download)

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Book Synopsis Seven Dirty Words by : James Sullivan

Download or read book Seven Dirty Words written by James Sullivan and published by Da Capo Press. This book was released on 2010-06-08 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In Seven Dirty Words, journalist and cultural critic James Sullivan tells the story of Alternative America from the 1950s to the present, from the singular vantage point of George Carlin, the Catholic boy for whom nothing was sacred. A critical biography, Seven Dirty Words is an insightful (and, of course, hilarious) examination of Carlin's body of work as it pertained to its cultural times and the man who created it, from his early days as amore-or-less conventional comedian to his stunning transformation into the subversive comedic voice of the emerging counterculture. Sullivan also chronicles Carlin's struggles with censorship and drugs, as well as the full-blown renaissance he experienced in the 1990s, both personally and professionally, when he became an elder statesman to a younger generation of comics who revered him. Seven Dirty Words is nothing less than the definitive biography of an American master who changed the world, and also a work of cultural commentary which frames George Carlin's extraordinary legacy.

A Modern Man

Author : George Carlin
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 9780306827099
Total Pages : 336 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (27 download)

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Book Synopsis A Modern Man by : George Carlin

Download or read book A Modern Man written by George Carlin and published by . This book was released on 2021-10-05 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: It is impossible to talk about 20th century comedy without discussing George Carlin. Named the 2nd greatest standup of the 20th century by both Comedy Central and Rolling Stone, Carlin garnered multiple gold records, 4 Grammys, 6 Emmy nominations, and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. He was the first host of SNL, appeared on the Tonight Show some 130 times, and acted in beloved films like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Dogma. Dubbed "the dean of counterculture comedians," George Carlin was an American icon. A perfect introduction for new fans and a worthy addition to the collections of old fans, The Best of Carlin showcases the longevity, range, and--above all--hilarity of the master. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other delicious verbal ordeals, it is drop-dead funny tour through Carlin's mind. More than ten years after his death, Carlin's characteristically ironic takes on life's annoying universal truths remain thoughtful, fearless, and somehow more relevant than ever.

Eat This Book

Author : Eugene H. Peterson
Publisher : Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing
ISBN 13 : 0802864902
Total Pages : 200 pages
Book Rating : 4.8/5 (28 download)

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Book Synopsis Eat This Book by : Eugene H. Peterson

Download or read book Eat This Book written by Eugene H. Peterson and published by Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing. This book was released on 2009-07-29 with total page 200 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: "Eugene Peterson maintains that how we read the Bible is as important as that we read it. The second volume of Peterson's momentous five-part work on spiritual theology, Eat This Book challenges us to read the Scriptures on their own terms, as God's revelation, and to live them as we read them. Countering the widespread practice of using the Bible for self-serving purposes, Peterson here serves readers with a nourishing entrée into the formative, life-changing art of spiritual reading." - from the back of the book.

The George Carlin Letters

Author : Sally Wade
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
ISBN 13 : 1451611404
Total Pages : 308 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (516 download)

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Book Synopsis The George Carlin Letters by : Sally Wade

Download or read book The George Carlin Letters written by Sally Wade and published by Simon and Schuster. This book was released on 2011-11-01 with total page 308 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A unique illustrated memoir by Sally Wade, the love of George Carlin’s life for ten years, THE GEORGE CARLIN LETTERS: THE PERMANENT COURTSHIP OF SALLY WADE is a collection of never-before-seen writings and artwork by the late great comedian (representing at least 1/3 of the text in the book), woven into Wade’s beautifully told chronicle of the last ten years of their life together. The book provides a rare glimpse into the man behind the legend. George Carlin wrote to Sally daily—notes, postcard, letters…he even started fights on paper; the title is taken from his very last note, which Sally found propped up on her computer upon returning from the hospital the day he died. One of the greatest love stories ever told…hilariously, until the release of this book, no one but Sally has ever seen this side of George Carlin. And everyone is guaranteed to fall in love with both of them.

A Carlin Home Companion

Author : Kelly Carlin
Publisher : St. Martin's Press
ISBN 13 : 1466862386
Total Pages : 336 pages
Book Rating : 4.4/5 (668 download)

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Book Synopsis A Carlin Home Companion by : Kelly Carlin

Download or read book A Carlin Home Companion written by Kelly Carlin and published by St. Martin's Press. This book was released on 2015-09-15 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Truly the voice of a generation, George Carlin gave the world some of the most hysterical and iconic comedy routines of the last fifty years. From the "Seven Dirty Words" to "A Place for My Stuff," to "Religion is Bullshit," he perfected the art of making audiences double over with laughter while simultaneously making people wake up to the realities (and insanities) of life in the twentieth century. Few people glimpsed the inner life of this beloved comedian, but his only child, Kelly, was there to see it all. Born at the very beginning of his decades-long career in comedy, she slid around the "old Dodge Dart," as he and wife Brenda drove around the country to "hell gigs." She witnessed his transformation in the '70s, as he fought back against-and talked back to-the establishment; she even talked him down from a really bad acid trip a time or two ("Kelly, the sun has exploded and we have eight, no-seven and a half minutes to live!"). Kelly not only watched her father constantly reinvent himself and his comedy, but also had a front row seat to the roller coaster turmoil of her family's inner life-alcoholism, cocaine addiction, life-threatening health scares, and a crushing debt to the IRS. But having been the only "adult" in her family prepared her little for the task of her own adulthood. All the while, Kelly sought to define her own voice as she separated from the shadow of her father's genius. With rich humor and deep insight, Kelly Carlin pulls back the curtain on what it was like to grow up as the daughter of one of the most recognizable comedians of our time, and become a woman in her own right. This vivid, hilarious, heartbreaking story is at once singular and universal-it is a contemplation of what it takes to move beyond the legacy of childhood, and forge a life of your own.

Acadiana Table

Author : George Graham
Publisher :
ISBN 13 : 1558328637
Total Pages : 323 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (583 download)

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Book Synopsis Acadiana Table by : George Graham

Download or read book Acadiana Table written by George Graham and published by . This book was released on 2016-10-15 with total page 323 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Stuffed with 125 Creole and Cajun inspired dishes, Acadiana Table gets to the roots of everthing you need for Louisiana cooking and regional cuisine.

Brain Droppings

Author : George Carlin
Publisher : Hachette Books
ISBN 13 : 0306835541
Total Pages : 280 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (68 download)

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Book Synopsis Brain Droppings by : George Carlin

Download or read book Brain Droppings written by George Carlin and published by Hachette Books. This book was released on 2023-10-10 with total page 280 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Sometimes, a little brain damage can help. A book of original humor pieces by beloved comic George Carlin. Filled with thoughts, musings, questions, lists, beliefs, curiosities, monologues, assertions, assumptions, and other verbal ordeals, Brain Droppings is infectiously funny. Also included are two timeless monologues, "A Place for Your Stuff" and "Baseball-Football." Readers will get an inside look into Carlin's mind, and they won't be disappointed by what they find: I buy stamps by mail. It works OK until I run out of stamps. What year did Jesus Christ think it was? A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up. Have you ever noticed the lawyer is always smiling more than the client? I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. If you ever have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other? Carlin demolishes everyday values and yet leaves you laughing out loud.

The Color of Water

Author : James McBride
Publisher : Penguin
ISBN 13 : 159448192X
Total Pages : 336 pages
Book Rating : 4.5/5 (944 download)

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Book Synopsis The Color of Water by : James McBride

Download or read book The Color of Water written by James McBride and published by Penguin. This book was released on 2006-02-07 with total page 336 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the bestselling author of Deacon King Kong and the National Book Award-winning The Good Lord Bird: The modern classic that spent more than two years on The New York Times bestseller list and that Oprah.com calls one of the best memoirs of a generation. Who is Ruth McBride Jordan? A self-declared "light-skinned" woman evasive about her ethnicity, yet steadfast in her love for her twelve black children. James McBride, journalist, musician, and son, explores his mother's past, as well as his own upbringing and heritage, in a poignant and powerful debut, The Color Of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother. The son of a black minister and a woman who would not admit she was white, James McBride grew up in "orchestrated chaos" with his eleven siblings in the poor, all-black projects of Red Hook, Brooklyn. "Mommy," a fiercely protective woman with "dark eyes full of pep and fire," herded her brood to Manhattan's free cultural events, sent them off on buses to the best (and mainly Jewish) schools, demanded good grades, and commanded respect. As a young man, McBride saw his mother as a source of embarrassment, worry, and confusion—and reached thirty before he began to discover the truth about her early life and long-buried pain. In The Color of Water, McBride retraces his mother's footsteps and, through her searing and spirited voice, recreates her remarkable story. The daughter of a failed itinerant Orthodox rabbi, she was born Rachel Shilsky (actually Ruchel Dwara Zylska) in Poland on April 1, 1921. Fleeing pogroms, her family emigrated to America and ultimately settled in Suffolk, Virginia, a small town where anti-Semitism and racial tensions ran high. With candor and immediacy, Ruth describes her parents' loveless marriage; her fragile, handicapped mother; her cruel, sexually-abusive father; and the rest of the family and life she abandoned. At seventeen, after fleeing Virginia and settling in New York City, Ruth married a black minister and founded the all- black New Brown Memorial Baptist Church in her Red Hook living room. "God is the color of water," Ruth McBride taught her children, firmly convinced that life's blessings and life's values transcend race. Twice widowed, and continually confronting overwhelming adversity and racism, Ruth's determination, drive and discipline saw her dozen children through college—and most through graduate school. At age 65, she herself received a degree in social work from Temple University. Interspersed throughout his mother's compelling narrative, McBride shares candid recollections of his own experiences as a mixed-race child of poverty, his flirtations with drugs and violence, and his eventual self- realization and professional success. The Color of Water touches readers of all colors as a vivid portrait of growing up, a haunting meditation on race and identity, and a lyrical valentine to a mother from her son.

How to Raise a Jewish Dog

Author : Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary
Publisher : Little, Brown
ISBN 13 : 0316015296
Total Pages : 121 pages
Book Rating : 4.3/5 (16 download)

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Book Synopsis How to Raise a Jewish Dog by : Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary

Download or read book How to Raise a Jewish Dog written by Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary and published by Little, Brown. This book was released on 2007-09-05 with total page 121 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: From the authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential "guide" is sure to be a complete howl. Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals, does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound? The (make-believe) Rabbis of the (fictional) Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive-aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high-achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high-achieving Jewish doggies.

Navajo-English Dictionary

Author : C. Leon Wall
Publisher : [Phoenix, Ariz.] : United States Department of the Interior, Division of Education, Bureau of Indian Affairs
ISBN 13 :
Total Pages : 86 pages
Book Rating : 4.X/5 (1 download)

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Book Synopsis Navajo-English Dictionary by : C. Leon Wall

Download or read book Navajo-English Dictionary written by C. Leon Wall and published by [Phoenix, Ariz.] : United States Department of the Interior, Division of Education, Bureau of Indian Affairs. This book was released on 1958 with total page 86 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: In response to a recent surge of interest in Native American history, culture, and lore, Hippocrene brings you a concise and straightforward dictionary of the Navajo tongue. The dictionary is designed to aid Navajos learning English as well as English speakers interested in acquiring knowledge of Navajo. The largest of all the Native American tribes, the Navajo number about 125,000 and live mostly on reservations in Arizona, New Mexico, and Utah. Over 9,000 entries; A detailed section on Navajo pronunciation; A comprehensive, modern vocabulary; Useful, everyday expressions.

Becoming Gertrude

Author : Janice Peterson
Publisher : NavPress
ISBN 13 : 1631468472
Total Pages : 160 pages
Book Rating : 4.6/5 (314 download)

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Book Synopsis Becoming Gertrude by : Janice Peterson

Download or read book Becoming Gertrude written by Janice Peterson and published by NavPress. This book was released on 2018-11-06 with total page 160 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Becoming Gertrude is one woman’s wisdom on the beauty of spiritual friendship and God’s unfolding grace over the course of a life lived for Him. Jan uses the term spiritual friendship to capture this idea of journeying with others through life, sharing experiences and wisdom and seeking God together. In Becoming Gertrude, Jan wants to be your spiritual friend, sharing what she’s learned and painting a picture of what you might uncover as you seek to develop these kinds of relationships in your own life. Join Jan in exploring the critical pieces of spiritual friendship: hospitality, encouragement, acceptance, serving, and caring. With seasoned wisdom and winsome stories, Jan uses personal experiences to walk you through what each of these things can mean in your life. You can have rich, rewarding, faith-filled friendships that emerge from the everyday rhythms of your days—and Becoming Gertrude will lead you on that journey.